3rd Rock from the Sun

From BillionQuotes

3rd Rock From the Sun was an American television situation comedy that ran from 1996 until 2001. The show was about a "family" of four extraterrestrials that landed on Earth to observe human beings, while pretending (often awkwardly) to be humans.

Contents 1 Dick 2 Sally 3 Harry 4 Tommy 5 Nina 6 Evil Dick

Dick

• "Alright people, due to your staggering ineptitude...I'm issuing the following assignment. You will write a five page letter to your parents apologising for wasting their money...and bring a stamp dammit, I'm not a post office!" (episode 2.21 - Sensitive Dick)

• Nina: "You think you're the smartest man on the planet, don't you?"
  Dick: "For the thousandth time, YES!"

• Mary: "I am so hungover!"
  Dick: "Oh! Well, Mary, that's just nature's way of telling you what a tramp you are."

• "You're not family, GET OUT!"

• "Oh shut up Karen!"

• "How about a new stratagy. What about 'sad cop, slightly effeminate cop'?"

• Dick: "Nina, are you married?"
  Nina: "No."
  Dick: "Why not? What are you doing wrong?"
  Nina: "You sound just like my mother."
  Dick: "That must be very confusing for you."

• [from the pilot episode]
  Woman: "Don't you people have a home?!"
  Dick: "No, we don't, but thank you for the idea..." [turns to his "family"] "See, she called us people."

• Mary: "They opened a hard rock café in Vietnam. The world's changed, huh?"
  Dick: "It certainly has. Did you know it used to be entirely covered with ice?"

• Bug: "My father? Very strict. It didn't matter that I was the youngest, when I would act up, he gave me his belt."
  Dick: "You wore the same size?"
  Bug: "No, as punishment he would put me over his knee and give me a whooping."
  Dick: "He gave a 'whoopin' and a belt?"
  Bug: "With a belt."
  Dick: "And then he gave you the belt?"
  Bug: "Um...yeah."
  [Dick looks confused]

Sally

• Sally: "I'll give you your promotion if you don't say the word 'really' in the next sixty seconds."
  Harry: "Really?"
  Sally: "You lose!"

• Tommy: "Sally, I got a question for you. We've been on the planet a while now and I've just been wondering if we were to tell someone we cared about where we were actually from, do you think it'd be so dangerous?"
  Sally: "No, not at all, Tommy. In fact I've already told Mrs. Dubcek and the mailman, uh, and a nice guy down at the mini-mark, BECAUSE I WANT US ALL TO DIE LIKE LAB RATS AT THE HANDS OF PRIMITIVE SCIENTISTS!!!"

• Harry: "When can I touch her breasts?"
  Sally: "Right before you die!"
  Harry: "Fair enough."

• Sally, after experiencing her first sneeze: "Wow!"
  Dick: "What was that?"
  Sally: "I don't know, but I want another one."

Harry

• (While playing Monopoly) "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and do not, I repeat do not drop the soap." (episode 2.19 - Dick Behaving Badly)

• "When life gives you lemons, shut up and eat the damn lemons."

• Mary: "...from suffering comes creativity. You can't spell 'painting' without 'pain.'"
  Harry: "Or 'ting.'"

• Evil Dick: "I am not Dick. I am your new High Commander. From now on, I shall be referred to as such."
  Harry: "Okay, Such."

• Harry, explaining how he's reorganized the movies at Gung-Ho Videos: [refers to one rack] "Good movies." [refers to another rack] "Bad movies." [refers to the rest of the room] "Movies I haven't seen."

• Harry: "Dick, I got my driver's license."
  Dick: "According to this, you're fifty-five-year-old three-hundred pound Asian woman."
  Harry: "And an organ donor."

• "...Now quit your bitchin', and get out of the kitchen!"

• "Iiiiii-incoming message from the Big Giant Head."

Tommy

• "There's my Grisham!"

• Mrs. Dubcek: "Poor kid. I remember what it's like to be your age."
  Tommy: "I remember what it's like to be yours."

• Dick: "What're you watching?"
  Tommy: "Star Wars, it's a movie."
  Dick: "What's all that supposed to be?"
  Tommy: "Outer space, can you believe it?"
  [they both laugh]

Nina

• [Sally is wearing a revealing dress at a party]
  Nina, sarcastic: "Nice dress."
  Sally: "I just threw it on."
  Nina: "Well, you almost missed."

• Dick: "I'm going to make sure Dr. Albright's trip is stress-free, hassle-free and completely without unpleasantness."
  Nina: "Oh, you're not going?"

Evil Dick

• "There will be many changes around here. For example, from now on this--" (picks up a gnome) "--will go here." (sets the gnome down in a new spot) "And that is just the first of many...changes."

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