50 First Dates

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50 First Dates is a 2004 comedy about a man afraid of commitment, until he meets the girl of his dreams. But then he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him every day.

Directed by Peter Segal and written by George Wing.
Imagine having to win over the girl of your dreams... every friggin' day.


Contents

[edit]

Ula

  • Damn you Haole! You make my sister work in your hotels!
  • Sharks are like dogs, they only bite if you touch their private parts.
  • [to his children] You kids suck; you're good at everything!
  • OH, YOU CRAZY BITCH!
  • My shirt size is medium husky.
  • (after falling through a hole in Henry's boat) do you have a cat or something, because i feel something licking me!
  • (after jumping off the boat dock stomach first) All right you kids go down there and find my nuts!

Kid- Whats wrong with that turtle? Henry- Oh, well he has lung problems cause he smoked to much turtle weed which is bad for you right ula! Ula-What i don't smoke WEED!

[edit]

Lucy Whitmore

  • Can I have one last first kiss?
  • [repeated line] There's nothing like a first kiss.
[edit]

Henry Roth

  • Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?
  • [to Jocko] Don't forget to use a condom, or in your case, a Hefty bag.
[edit]

Ten-Second Tom

  • [repeated line] Hi, I'm Tom!
  • Aren't you a little old to be... Hi, I'm Tom!
[edit]

Old Hawaiian Man

  • Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.
  • [about Henry's drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.
[edit]

Others

  • Alexa: I guess I prefer sausage to taco.
  • Marlin: Ok, ok, OK! Enough with the titty dance!
[edit]

Dialogue

Dr. Keats: Doug, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.
Lucy: What are you doing?
Henry: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...
Lucy: You were going for a feelski!
Henry: All right, I'm sorry... But this is like the 23rd time we've made out already and... they're getting blue!
Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
[Lucy walks by quietly]
Security Guard 1: What the hell's her problem?
Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, brah.
Security Guard 1: Oh yeah, I suck at this job!
Lucy: [to Henry] I hardly know you.
Marlin: Actually sweetie, you're kind of dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Yeah. Sorry I'm not better looking.
Doug: Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.
Henry: That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
Doug: I love Thpam and Reethe's, can I have it?
Henry: Um, I guess.
Marlin: Doug!
Lucy: [talking about Henry] I wonder what's the matter with him.
Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
[While playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula: You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula: A shark bit me.
Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!
Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.
Henry: Yeah? Why don't you choke on your spam!
Ula's Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
Ula: Uh, nympho is the state bird of Ohio.
Ula's Kid: Oh.
Henry: You're the state idiot of Hawaii.
Nick: What did Sue say?
Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.
Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaciton. That's the 'roids talking.
[Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers all over someone else's food?
Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country. [pause] Were you gonna eat that?
[Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car, upsetting Lucy]
Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
Lucy: Well... my grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
Henry: Oh... I'm so sorry. I was just joking around.
Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT!
Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.
...
Update Video: April: Snoop quits weed.
Update Video: May: Snoop back on weed.
Dr. Keats: Tom was in an accident and now he only has a ten-second memory.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.
...
Dr. Keats: Tom was in an accident and now he only has a ten second memory.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about eight seconds.
Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] I don't want it to end like this.
Doug: Yeah, well, it's gonna end like this!
[Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]
Henry: Calm down, little fella!
Doug: Okay I'm calm!
[pause]
Doug: I coulda whooped his ass, Daddy but this gravel - I swipped on it and fwell.
Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.
Henry: I don't think that's an option, Lisa.
Linda: Linda.
Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.
Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!
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Cast

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