Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay (born September 29, 1957) is an American comedian and actor.


  • Let me ask you a question...: the first time you fucked her, was she any good? Yeah? Now let me ask you another question: how do you think she got that way?

Nursery Rhymes

  • Little Boy Blue...he needed the money!
  • Jack and Jill went up the hill
    Both with a buck and a quarter
    Jill came down with $2.50!
  • Jack be nimble,
    Jack be quick,
    Jack burnt off his fucking dick!
  • There once was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
    She had so many kids her uterus fell out!
  • Georgie Porgie Puddin' and Pie
    Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
    When her eye was dry and shut
    Georgie fucked that one eyed slut!
  • Twinkle, twinkle little star,
    How I wonder what you are.
    Shine upon the parking lot,
    As I eat my girlfriend's twat!
  • Eenie meenie miney moe,
    Suck my dick and swallow slow!
  • Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
    Had a wife, loved to beat her
    Smacked her twice across the head,
    Fucked her ass and went to bed!
  • Hickory dickory dock,
    Some chick was sucking my cock.
    When the clock struck two,
    I dropped my goo and dumped the bitch on the next block!
  • Little Jack Horner
    Sat in the corner eating a pizza pie.
    He shit pepperoni, and blew his friend Tony
    Then wiped his mouth on his tie!
  • Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet,
    Eating her curds and whey.
    Along came a spider,
    And sat down beside her and said,
    Hey, what's in the bowl bitch?
  • Jack Spratt could eat no fat,
    His wife could eat no lean.
    So Jack ignored her flabby tits,
    And licked her asshole clean!
  • Mary, Mary quite contrary,
    Trim that pussy it's too damn hairy!
  • Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
    Blew her horse and licked his feet.
    She ate his asshole very nice,
    Tongued his balls not once, but twice!
  • Three blind mice, see how they run.
    Where the fuck are they going?
  • Patty cake, Patty cake
    Baker's man.
    If your chick's on her period
    Just fuck her in the can!
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    I fucked your mother's ass,
    And she had you!

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