Angel
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Angel (1999–2004) was created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. See the discussion page for suggested formatting and inclusion guidelines.
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Season 1
[edit]
City Of
- [Angel bumps into Sunnydale acquaintance Cordelia at a Hollywood party.]
- Cordelia: So, um, are you still... Grrr?
- Angel: Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.
- [An offer of help from a wealthy admirer has moved Cordelia to tears.]
- Cordelia: Oh, God, I'm sorry! I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place... with no mirrors, and... lots of curtains... hey, you're a vampire!
- Russell Winters: What? No, I'm not.
- Cordelia: Are too!
- Russell: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale! We had our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire when I... am... alone with him... in his fortress-like home. And you know, I think I'm just feeling a little light-headed from hunger. I'm just wacky! And kidding! Ha, ha...
- Russell: Truth is, I'm glad you know. It means we can skip the formalities.
- [As a vamped-out Russell stalks Cordelia, Angel bursts in.]
- Russell Winters: You made a big mistake coming here.
- Cordelia: You don't know who he is, do you? Oh, boy! You're about to get your ass kicked!
[edit]
Lonely Hearts
- [Doyle finds a brassiere in Cordelia's messy living room and holds it up.]
- Cordelia: Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!"
- [Angel gets his first look at Cordelia's apartment.]
- Angel: You actually live here?
- Cordelia: Hey, is it my fault if maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go home, hotel, hotel, husband.
- Doyle: Violence isn't going to solve a thing here. [headbutts the guy harrassing Cordelia] On the other hand, it is kind of festive.
[edit]
In the Dark
- [Angel has just saved Rachel from a violently abusive boyfriend, while Spike watches — and narrates — from the shadows.]
- Spike [as Rachel]: How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?
- Spike [as Angel]: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
- [Rachel steps closer to Angel; Angel steps back, warding her off with his hands.]
- Spike [as Angel]: No, not the hair! Never the hair!
- Spike [as Rachel]: But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
- Spike [as Angel]: No — helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!
- Spike [as Rachel]: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
- Spike [as Angel]: Say no more. Evil's still afoot... and I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile — AWAY!
- Spike [as himself]: Go on with you. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way. The Ring of Amara, a visit from your old pal Spike, and — oh, yeah — your gruesome, horrible death.
- [Doyle is suffering from a severe hangover.]
- Doyle: Oh, God... You know what would feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time... because that would really kill me. What, is there some trick to this?
- Cordelia: I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting "Angela's Ashes" and weeping like a baby-man.
- Doyle: Hey, that's a good book.
- Cordelia: So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also, I don't think Oz appreciated being called "my little Bamm-Bamm" all night.
[edit]
I Fall to Pieces
- Angel: Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?
- Cordelia: Well, as vampires go you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black look.
- Kate: Wolfram & Hart. They're the law firm that Johnnie Cochran is too ethical to join.
- Cordelia: I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons, but I need a raise.
- Doyle: A raise? You've been working for him for what, like twenty minutes?
- Cordelia: A month. And I have needs.
- Doyle: Needs.
- Cordelia: A person needs certain, designer, things.
- Cordelia: [to Doyle] You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard.
- Cordelia: I mean, it is just so unfair! This poor girl, she hooks up with a doctor — that's supposed to be a good thing. I mean, you should be able to call home and say, "Hey, Mom, guess what? I met a doctor!" Not, "Guess what? I met a psycho and he's stalking me and oh, by the way, his hands and feet come off and he's not even in the circus!"
- [Angel & company have received a check for their first paying job.]
- Doyle: Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty.
- Angel: You guys go ahead. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames.
- Doyle: Right, you're pretty much the night deposit guy.
[edit]
Rm w/a Vu
- [Cordelia has been bemoaning her miserable apartment.]
- Doyle: Well, if you ever wanna, you know, spend one night away from the place... maybe give me a call.
- Cordelia: Well, stranger things have happened. No, wait — they really haven't.
- ...
- Doyle: She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her. Tell me stuff.
- Angel: What stuff?
- Doyle: About Cordelia.
- Angel: Well, I... I know she can't type or file. Until today I had some hope regarding the phone.
- [Cordelia shows up at Angel's place — with luggage.]
- Cordelia: Roaches! Live ones, dead ones... all, all skinny feet and creepy antlers.
- Angel: Antlers?
- Cordelia: My other bag is still in the hall.
- [Doyle is horrified to find Cordelia staying over at Angel's place.]
- Doyle: No... no-no-no-no! Angel, man, how could you?
- Angel: Could I what?
- Doyle: You know I was crazy about her — and I was wearing her down, too. But no — handsome brooding vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead! How about leaving some scraps for the homely-looking fellas who don't turn evil when they get some?
- Angel: Cordelia stayed over because there's something wrong with her place. I was on the sofa.
- Doyle: Oh. That's okay, I suppose.
- [Cordelia's new apartment is perfect, aside from a hostile ghost.]
- Cordelia: I am NOT leaving this apartment!
- Angel: It's haunted.
- Cordelia: It's rent-controlled!
- ...
- Angel: You know, this really is just a place to live.
- Cordelia: No! It's more. It's beautiful. And if it goes away it's like...
- Angel: Like what?
- Cordelia: Like I'm still getting punished.
- Angel: Punished for what?
- Cordelia: I don't know. For how I was? For everything I said in high school just 'cause I could get away with it? And then it all ended and I had to pay. But this apartment... I could be me again. Punishment over — welcome back to your life! Like, like... I couldn't be that awful if I get to have a place like that? It's just like you!
- Angel: Working for redemption.
- Cordelia: I meant because you used to have that mansion.
- [Doyle answers up the phone and mixes up the A.I. slogan]
- Doyle: Angel Investigations - we hope you're helpless!
- [Kate checks police records for past unusual events at Cordelia's apartment.]
- Kate: Now you’re talking like a detective.
- Angel: I am a detective.
- Kate: Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have resumes and business licenses and last names. Pop stars and popes — those are the one-name guys.
- Angel: You got me. I’m a pope.
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Sense & Sensitivity
- [Angel has just finished off a tentacled monstrosity in the sewer.]
- Angel: Make sure you cut up all the limbs and both heads this time. Remember to bury the parts separately. [tosses sword to Doyle] I don't want this thing coming back to life again.
- Cordelia: That's it?
- Angel: I'm gonna go clean out the nest. I'll see you back at the office. [he leaves]
- Cordelia: Okay, am I wrong in thinking that a "Please" and "Thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?
- Doyle: He appreciates us, in his own... unappreciative way.
- Angel: I know you guys have been working hard. I mean, you've been cooped up inside a lot. And to show my appreciation I was thinking, the night being, you know, young and all, that the three of us could, well, should, you know, maybe, go out, you know... for fun.
- Cordelia: Or we can go home.
- Doyle: And you can sit in the dark, alone.
- Angel: God, yes! Thank you.
[edit]
Bachelor Party
- [Doyle just managed to slay the vampire menacing Cordelia.]
- Doyle: Are you okay?
- Cordelia: I'm fine. That was... you were so... brave!
- Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
- Cordelia: I'm sorry. I'm... just...
- Doyle: Surprised?
- Cordelia: Grateful.
- Cordelia: All of a sudden, rich and handsome isn't good enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave, and interesting... and it's YOUR fault! Both of you.
- [A deeply depressed Doyle is sitting alone in the outer office.]
- Cordelia: Well, someone has to go out there and cheer him up. [Angel reluctantly gets up] Oh, please — someone with a heartbeat. [she approaches Doyle] Hi, Doyle. Are you gonna become loser-pining guy like, full-time now? 'Cause, you know, we already have one of those around the office.
- Angel, Doyle: Hey!
- Cordelia: [points to Angel] He can get away with it. He's tall... and-and look at the way clothes hang on him! But you —
- Angel: Okay, I think you've cheered us up enough.
- Cordelia: You can't live in the past. You gotta move on. Let it go. Forget it. Tomorrow is another day. Did I mention letting it go?
- Doyle: Twice.
- Cordelia: You're gonna get through this, Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last.
- Doyle: You think I'm a nice guy?
- Cordelia: I think it, I say it. That's my way.
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I Will Remember You
- [Buffy is paying a visit to Angel.]
- Doyle: So, that's the Slayer.
- Cordelia: That's our little Buffy.
- Doyle: Well, she seemed a little...
- Cordelia: Bulgarian in that outfit?
- Doyle: Naw, I was gonna say 'hurt'.
- Cordelia: Yeah, there's a lot of that when they're together. Come on.
- Cordelia: Let me explain the lore here, okay? They suffer, they fight — that's business as usual. They get groiny with one another — the world as we know it falls apart!
- [Buffy has issues with Angel's take-it-slow approach to his newly restored humanity.]
- Buffy: You know, it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human about ten zillion times... because today would have been a real let-down.
- [Doyle and Cordelia contemplate life without Angel's mission.]
- Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.
- Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that. Oh, God! What am I gonna do? I'm good for exactly two things: international superstardom, and helping a vampire with a soul to rid the world of evil. That makes for a short but colorful resume.
[edit]
Hero
- [When Doyle returns from a dangerous task, Cordelia slaps him in the face.]
- Doyle: What was that for?
- Cordelia: Why didn't you tell me you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!
- Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me.
- Cordelia: I've rejected you way before now! So you're half demon. Big whoop! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hel-lo?
- Doyle: It's true. I just —
- Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial? I mean, you're half demon. That's so far down the list. Way under "short" and "poor"! Is there anything else I should know?
- Doyle: The half demon thing... pretty much my big secret.
- Cordelia: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner, already?
- Doyle: [to Angel] The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
- [After kissing Cordelia]
- Doyle: Too bad we'll never know... [shifts to his demon face] ...if this is a face you could learn to love.
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Parting Gifts
- [Angel encounters Wesley, who tried to replace Giles as Buffy's Watcher.]
- Angel: Wesley.
- Wesley: I’ll wager you never thought you’d see me again.
- Angel: To tell you the truth, I hadn’t given it much thought one way or the other. What are you —
- Wesley: Hup-up-up! I’m the one asking questions here. And I think it only fair to warn you, any sudden movement and I’ll be forced to —
- [Angel knocks the crossbow from Wesley’s hands.]
- Wesley: Right. You had a question?
- Wesley: I'm a rogue demon hunter now.
- Cordelia: Wow. What's a rogue demon?
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Somnambulist
[edit]
Expecting
- Wesley: Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting adze when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.
- Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
- Wesley: I also packed along a "Word Puzzle 3-D", if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
- Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to… but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.
- Wesley: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me — [Cordy's gorgeous friends Serina and Emily enter] — sick with envy.
- Serina: [to Wesley] Hi. I'm Serina. Nice axe.
- Wesley: Oh, no, this old thing? [he accidentally embeds axe in the wall]
[edit]
She
- [Angel dutifully attends Cordelia's party.]
- Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
- Angel: Sure. This is... um...
- Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
- Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people.
- [The day after the party.]
- Cordelia: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are. You're always worried that no one's gonna suck the energy out of the room like a giant black hole of boring despair. But there you were in the clinch!
- Angel: I didn't... boring?
- Cordelia: You used to be a person! Did you never party? Did people not gather in olden times?
- Angel: I talked to people... Laura.
- Cordelia: Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.
- Angel: I don't hate her. I, I got two modes with people: bite and avoid. Hard to shift. Plus, I can't get too close. I mean, with women...
- Cordelia: You can be nice. It's not like Laura's gonna throw you down on the living room floor and tear off all of your...Well, actually, Laura...
- Angel: I'll try harder. Still, I mean, the quiet, reserved thing, don't you think it makes me kind of... I don't know, cool?
- Cordelia: [pointing at Wesley as he walks into the office] He was cooler.
- Angel: He's not from our dimension.
- Wesley: Ah — they must come to ours via portals.
- Cordelia: Portals? There are portals now? When did they put in portals? Don't we have enough on our hands without burning monster-fiends coming here?
- Angel: Here's the plan. We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face. See where it takes us.
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I've Got You Under My Skin
- Cordelia: I think "Mister Too-much-cologne" is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
- Cordelia: What is this stuff, anyway? Kind of pretty.
- Wesley: Uh, it's the bodily excretion of an Ethros demon.
- Cordelia: No one could have said "demon poo" before I touched it?
[edit]
The Prodigal
- [Angel is obsessing over the shared dreams he had with a serial-killer vampire.]
- Angel: I was just thinking about how much this place is like where I grew up.
- Cordelia: Right. Yeah. I could see that, except for the cars, and the buildings and the, you know, everything else.
- Angel: It’s not so different. People moving through their lives. I wonder if anything ever really changes.
- Cordelia: Sure it does. They do. You have. They were just dreams, Angel. They weren’t even your dreams. They didn’t mean anything.
- Angel: But I enjoyed it.
- Cordelia: It’d probably be okay if you never mentioned that part, ever again.
- Angel: It’s still in me, Cordelia.
- Cordelia: Sure it’s in you. We all have something. But it’s not the only thing that’s in you. You’re not him, Angel. Not anymore. The name I got in my vision, the message didn’t come for Angelus, it came for you. Angel. And you have to trust that whoever the Powers That Be be... are? is... anyway, they know the difference.
- Angel: Yeah.
- Cordelia: People really do change.
- Angel: Yes, they do. And sometimes they change back. If the day ever comes that I…
- Cordelia: Oh, I’ll kill you dead!
- Angel: [blinks] Thanks.
- Cordelia: What are friends for?
[edit]
The Ring
- [Cordelia checks a lead on an on-line demon database.]
- Cordelia: There are some ugly critters in here. Someone ought to create an intra-demon dating base. You know, like archfiend.org, where the lonely and the slimy connect. I was just joking, Mister Grouchy-Pants. When was the last time you had a dating base?
- Wesley: For your information, I lead a rich and varied social life.
- Cordelia: Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
[edit]
Eternity
- Angel: I'm not what you think.
- Rebecca Lowell: You're not? Because... no reflection, dark private office, instantly knowing those letters weren't written in blood... I guess what I would think is "vampire".
- Angel: Then again...
- Rebecca: Which is impossible. Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman, they're vampires.
- Angel: Frank Langella was the only performance I believed, but —
- Rebecca: This is real. You're real. Do you drink blood?
- Angel: Yeah. But not human.
- Rebecca: You're not a killer.
- Angel: I gave that up.
- Rebecca: Well, there's a support group for everything in this town, I guess.
- Rebecca: A season and a half off the air and suddenly I'm nobody again.
- Angel: [holding up some tabloids] Not according to these.
- Rebecca: According to those, I've slept with Ernest Borgnine and I'm bulimic.
- Angel: I hear Borgnine's a very skilled lover.
- [After a drug-induced stint as Angelus, Angel wakes up chained to his bed.]
- Cordelia: Are you still evil?
- ...
- Wesley: It was the drugs. Couldn't be helped. Things were said, it's true, but I think it's best if we simply put it behind us. Move on.
- Angel: Thank you.
- Wesley: You walk a fine line, Angel. I don't envy you.
- ...
- [Among Angelus' dastardly deeds was a savage critique of Cordelia's acting.]
- Angel: Cordelia —
- Cordelia: Okay, here's something I never thought I would say to you: Wesley's right. Forget about it.
- Angel: But I really didn't mean —
- Cordelia: Yes, you did. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to weasel out of it. Angelus may not be the most relaxing company, but at least he's honest. Shouldn't I expect the same from the not-evil version of my friends?
- Angel: So, we're okay, then?
- Cordelia: I'm way too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.
- Angel: I appreciate that. [a pause] You're not gonna untie me, are you?
- Cordelia: PFFT! [she exits]
- Angel: Wesley? Cordelia? Guys? [cut to credits]
[edit]
Five by Five
- Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? A little less scowly. [talking about Angel]
- [Faith fires a crossbow at Angel's back; he whirls and catches the bolt before it can hit him.]
- Faith: That was so cool! This is gonna be fun.
- [Faith has taken Wesley hostage and has him gagged and tied to a chair.]
- Faith: We've only done one of the five basic torture groups. We've done blunt, but that still leaves sharp, hot, cold, and loud.
- ...
- Faith: Face it, Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
- ...
- Faith: [removes Wesley's gag] I wanna hear you scream.
- Wesley: You never will.
[edit]
Sanctuary
- Angel: [To Cordelia] Doughnuts?
- Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?
- Angel: [to Cordy] You get jelly?
- Cordelia: Whole selection.
- Wesley: Won't she find it difficult, enjoying delicious jelly-filled doughnuts, if she is — one assumes — bound and gagged?
- Angel: Wesley, we went through all this last night.
- Wesley: Yes, you were right. The police would be ill equipped to hold a Slayer against her will. I understand why you chose not to turn her over to them. I do not, however, understand why the woman who brutally tortured me last night, this morning — gets PASTRIES!
- Angel:Buffy this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here and you're not a part of it.
- Buffy:I have someone in my life now, that I love; it's not what you and I had, it's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him, I know him.
- Angel:Well that's great, that's nice, you moved on, I can't. You found someone new, I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share with is me. You don't know me anymore so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go Home.
[edit]
War Zone
- [The Angel Investigations team is at the home of software billionaire David Nabbitt, a new client.]
- Cordelia: Oh, I've missed that smell!
- Wesley: Camembert, I believe.
- Cordelia: What? No, money. I like to smell a little money once in a while.
- Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
- Gunn: You show your face down here again, don't count on any long goodbyes.
- [After a combat-filled night, Angel gets bandaged up by Cordelia.]
- Cordelia: You should rest. You look —
- Angel: Like I've been beaten and stabbed?
- Gunn: I don't need advice from some middle-class white dude who's dead!
- [Wesley has noted that conditions Gunn and his friends live in "...puts things in perspective."]
- Cordelia: I think, perspectively speaking, I might want to prostitute myself to billionaire David Nabbit.
- Wesley: [coughing] Cordelia...
- Cordelia: What I mean is... he's a nice guy who wants companionship. I could use some security. So when I say "prostitute", what I mean is...
- Wesley: Prostitute.
- Cordelia: For instance.
- Wesley: Do you think you really could?
- Cordelia: I don't know. I could probably learn to love him. Looks aren't everything... or chemistry. Personality, that's important. And except for a lot of other... it's not what's on the outside that... yeah. Never mind. I'm fine here.
- Gunn: What you doin' here?
- Angel: Skulking. Professionally.
- ...
- Gunn: How come you do it? How come you're out here?
- Angel: What else are we gonna do? I'll be around.
- Gunn: I don't need no help.
- Angel: I might.
[edit]
Blind Date
- Wesley: Demons with one eye, demons with twelve eyes, some with double vision. No blind demons. Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species.
- Cordy: What, Helen Kellerus Homicidalus?
- [Gunn barges into the main office of the evil law firm Wolfram & Hart.]
- Gunn: Whoo-WHOO! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe them. Damn, here it is! Evil white folks really DO have a Mecca!
[edit]
To Shanshu in L.A.
- Wesley: It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
- Cordelia: I saw them all...and they're in so much pain. We have to help them.
[edit]
Season 2
[edit]
Judgment
- Lilah Morgan: [on phone] If you don't sign, we'll sue your ass off and kill your children. Just kidding, Donald. Nobody wants a lawsuit.
- Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
- Faith: You're kidding.
- Angel: In front of people.
- Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
- Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
- Faith: "Copacabana"?
- Angel: "Mandy". I don't want to dwell on it.
- Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.
[edit]
Are You Now or Have You Ever Been
- Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.
[edit]
First Impressions
- [Cordelia and Wesley try to clean up the long-deserted Hyperion Hotel.]
- Cordelia: Oh, this place is never gonna get clean.
- Welsey: Buck up. It's just a little dust.
- Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust. This is "Son of Dust". This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
[edit]
Untouched
- Wesley: I am not a sheep!
- Cordelia: You are such a sheep. You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book.
- Wesley: At least I've opened a book.
- Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!
- Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?
[edit]
Dear Boy
- Wesley: What about my salary? That's fixed too.
- Cordelia: What if every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie?
- Wesley: Wait, I have another idea — no. Get a vision!
- Cordelia: Well, it's not like you can hit me in the head and wham, it happens!
- Wesley: What if we test that theory with one of my big old books?
- Angel: Children, stop bickering.
- Darla: All that power wasted on a whiny, mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs.
- Lindsey: Our plans for Angel are a little more long-term than that. But if you can't help yourself, then by all means, be my guest.
- Darla: You're fun for a human.
- Darla: God doesn't want you... but I still do.
[edit]
Guise Will Be Guise
- [The team is at Caritas, a karaoke bar favored by demons.]
- Gunn: Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?
- Cordelia: Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!
- Cordelia: [spins in Angel's chair] Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!
- Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
- Cordelia: Right. This is Angel.
- Cordelia [as Angel]: Oh, no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday.
[edit]
Darla
[edit]
The Shroud of Rahmon
[edit]
The Trial
- Cordelia: You were just soulless, blood-sucking demons. They're lawyers!
- Angel: She's right. We were amateurs.
- [Angel is on a diving board above an empty pool that may or may not be a mystic nexus point.]
- Angel: I'm either coming back with a cure... or you're gonna see something kinda funny.
- [As part of a series of Trials, Angel is bound, facing a wall that holds dozens of spring-loaded stakes.]
- Jeeves: My apologies for any discomfort this may be causing. I really can't imagine the pain.
- Angel: How about we switch places and you won't have to, huh?
[edit]
Reunion
- Cordelia: Nice plan, General Custer!
- Angel: I can crush the life out of you before they even lift a finger.
- Holland Manners: Oh, I'm sure you can. Just as sure as I am that you won't.
- Angel: Won't I?
- Holland: You don't kill humans.
- Angel: You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die — innocent people.
- Holland: And yet I just can't seem to care. But you do. And while you're making threats, wasting time, crashing through windows, your girls are out painting the town red, red, red.
- [Angel arrives as Darla and Drusilla prepare to massacre a Wolfram & Hart office party.]
- Lilah: For God's sake, help us!
- Holland Manners: Angel, please. People are going to die.
- Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.
- [Angel exits and locks the door from the outside.]
[edit]
Redefinition
- Gunn: Hey, I got a rep to maintain, all right? I can't have y'all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.
- Cordelia: Oh, heavens forfend!
- Wesley: Well, how is the man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?
- Gunn: Well, was one of his directives, "Hire pansy-ass British guys"?
- Wesley: My arse is not pansy.
- ...
- [Later, with the group more inebriated.]
- Wesley: Hypocrite!
- Cordelia: Ass-pansy!
- Drusilla: Dead already? Bad soldiers!
[edit]
Blood Money
[edit]
Happy Anniversary
- [Angel is roused from bed by someone belting out "The Star-Spangled Banner".]
- Angel: Is there a reason you're here?
- the Host :There is. What's today, Thursday? Tomorrow night the world's gonna end. Thought you might wanna know.
- [Wesley, Cordelia, and Gunn are huddled miserably in their derelict new office.]
- Virginia: [entering with a basket] Hey, Wow! This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited... [takes in their looks] in that really dry, suicidal way.
- Wesley: [kisses her] Sorry, sweetheart. You just caught us in a moment of ... well ...
- Cordelia: Reality.
- Virginia: Oh, that. I avoid that.
- Gunn: How do you avoid reality?
- Virginia: Money. It cures everything but boredom. [holds up basket] And food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese.
- Gunn: Thanks.
- Wesley: We'll enjoy them huddled around our pathetic candles.
- Cordelia: We'll make pathetic nachos.
- Virginia: You guys are really down.
- Gunn: Yeah. And don't try to tell us there's no way to go but up, 'cause the truth is, there's always more down.
- Gene Rainey: In Newton's world, space and time are separate entities. In Einstein's, they're entwined.
- Val: "Einstein's — entwined." Can you say that ten times, really fast?
- [Karaoke is Angel's only clue about the potential world-destroyer.]
- Angel: Seventeen karaoke bars... you know, I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my skull.
[edit]
The Thin Dead Line
[edit]
Reprise
- Holland Manners: Congratulations. Great victory.
- Angel: You're...
- Holland: Holland Manners.
- Angel: ...not alive.
- Holland: Oh, no. I'm quite dead. Unfortunately my contract with Wolfram & Hart extends well beyond that. [smiles] Hop on in. You certainly earned it.
- [Angel enters the elevator]
- Holland: Well, this is exciting, isn't it? Going straight to the source. So what's the big plan, Angel? Destroy the Senior Partners, smash Wolfram & Hart once and for all?
- Angel: Something like that.
- Holland: Hmm, now tell me just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean.
- Angel: It'll be–the end.
- Holland: Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense.
- Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
- Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest–you got the tiniest bit of "give a crap" left. Otherwise you wouldn't be going on this kamikaze mission. Now let me see, there was something in a sacred prophecy, some oblique reference to you. Something you're supposed to prevent. Now what was that?
- Angel: The apocalypse.
- Holland: Yes, the apocalypse, of course. Another one of those. Well, it's true, we do have one scheduled. And I imagine if you were to prevent it you would save a great many people. Well, you should do that then. Absolutely! I wasn't thinking. [smiles] Of course, all those people you save from that apocalypse would then have the next one to look forward to, but hey, it's always something, isn't it?
- Angel: You're not gonna win.
- Holland: Well...no. Of course we aren't. We have no intention of doing anything so prosaic as "winning". [laughs]
- Angel: Then why?
- Holland: Hmm? I'm sorry, why what?
- Angel: Why fight?
- Holland: That's really the question you should be asking yourself, isn't it? See, for us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We...go on, no matter what. Our firm has always been here...in one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that, friend, is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us.
- [elevator comes to a stop and the doors open, revealing Los Angeles]
- Holland: Welcome to the home office.
- Angel: This isn't...
- Holland: Oh, you know it is. You know that better than anyone. Things you've seen. Things you've–well, done. You see, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there–why, they wouldn't be people. They'd all be angels.
- [Angel slowly walks out of the elevator]
- Holland: Have a nice day.
[edit]
Epiphany
- Angel: If there's no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters… then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today.
[edit]
Disharmony
[edit]
Dead End
- Lilah Morgan: Could you stab me in the back a little deeper? I still have feeling in my legs.
- Lindsey: You could've had it. But you didn't have what it takes... an evil hand. I mean, come on. Who here does, huh? Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't. You do know you gave me an evil hand, right? I've been writing "kill, kill, kill" on everything. It's crazy. It's crazy. Anything could happen!
- Nathan: [signaling security guard] Allen?
- Lindsey: Allen, how are you? [punches him and steals his gun] Uh-oh! [shoots guard in the foot] Oh, that's gonna hurt in the morning. Stop it, evil hand, stop it! I just can't control my evil hand. Nathan, I'm so proud that you chose me. [rubs a co-worker's hair] Charlie! If I would have been in your shoes, I would have chosen Lilah. Let me tell you why. Do you have any idea of the hours this chick has logged in? Huh? The files she has on you guys? Deep stuff. Ronnie, your stock manipulations. Nathan's little offshore accounts. Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl, and those files got back to the Senior Partners? They'd eat you alive! She's been working overtime, boys. She's everything you ever dreamed of. Lilah is your guy. Me, I'm unreliable. I've got these evil hand issues. And I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving, so if you wanna chase me, be my guest. But remember - [holds up his hand] evil. Good luck. [gooses Lilah on the way out, and holds up his hand] Evil!
[edit]
Belonging
[edit]
Over the Rainbow
- Lorne: Just remember, keep your head down. Xenophobia, kind of a watchword where I'm from.
- Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kinda fly.
- Cordelia: Off with their heads!...kidding!
[edit]
Through the Looking Glass
- [In Pylea, Angel tries to reason with an escaped slave from earth's dimension.]
- Fred: Can't get back. There is no back.
- Angel: No, there is. If we can open the portal....
- Fred: The portal! She fell through the portal!
- Angel: Who did?
- Fred: That other girl. I couldn't save her. I was arrested. They got her. She's a slave. She'll die!
- Angel: Oh, Cordy. No, she's fine. They made her a princess.
- Fred: They… really? Oh. When I got here they… they didn't do that. Well. That's nice for her.
- Lorne: Say mom, when I disappeared, did you notice anything, odd
- Lorne's mother: We noticed much song and chant. Your brother Numfar performed the dance of joy for three days straight. [shouts back to Numfar] Numfar, perform the dance of shame
- Lorne: Well, you're just a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren't you?
- Lorne: STOP!...in the name of love! / Before you break my heart...
- Gunn: I've got a plan.
- Wesley: Oh thank god! What is it?
- Gunn: We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of the Baby Jesus.
[edit]
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
- Fred: Bad things always happen here.
- [As Angel and the Groosalugg battle, Cordelia steps between them.]
- Cordelia: Stop! I love him!
- Angel: You love me?
- Cordelia: Not you, dumb-ass! Him!
- Angel [quietly]: I mean, as a friend, and co-worker...
[edit]
Season 3
[edit]
Heartthrob
- Fred: I came out of my room. Small steps, just like you said.
- Angel: Go to your room and stay there!
- Fred: Okay.
[edit]
That Vision Thing
[edit]
That Old Gang of Mine
- [Fred is onstage at a karaoke bar, singing "Crazy".]
- Cordelia: I swear, she picked out the song herself.
- Wesley: [to Rondell] If you don't mind, I'd prefer a clean kill. The last time I was merely wounded. It took months to heal. Wounded, if I recall, in an attempt to help you.
- Gunn: No matter what else, I think I proved that you can trust me when I could have killed you and I didn't.
- Angel: No. You'll prove that I can trust you when the day comes that you have to kill me — and you do.
[edit]
Carpe Noctem
[edit]
Fredless
- Cordelia: Lemme break it down for you, Fred.
- Cordy [as Buffy]: Oh, Angel, I know that I am a Slayer, and you're a vampire and it would be impossible for us to be together, but—
- Wesley [as Angel]: But... my gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy...
- Cordy [as Buffy]: Yes, Angel?
- Wesley [as Angel]: I love you so much, I almost forgot to brood.
- Cordy [as Buffy]: And just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends.
- Wesley [as Angel]: Or possibly more?
- Cordy [as Buffy]: Gasp! No! We mustn't!
- Wesley [as Angel]: Kiss me!
- Cordy [as Buffy]: Bite me!
- Angel: [entering] How 'bout you both bite me?
- Fred: You're back!
- Gunn: How'd it go?
- Angel: I think those two pretty much summed it up.
[edit]
Billy
- Gunn: [playing a video game] Dead! So dead! So very, very dead. Just how dead are you, huh?
- Angel: I'm tired of being the dead one.
[edit]
Offspring
- Fred: Who's Darla?
- Gunn: Angel's old flame, from way back.
- Fred: Not the one who died?
- Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one, the other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
- Fred: Do y'all have a chart or somethin'?
- Gunn: In the files. I'll get it for you later.
- Angel: [talking about Darla] Where is she?
- Wesley: She got away.
- Gunn: We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces.
- [Angel stares at Cordelia, working up the nerve to confess his feelings for her.]
- Cordelia: Why are you looking at me like that?
- Angel: Uh... no reason.
- Cordelia: Okay. It's getting creepy now.
- Angel: I was just thinking about things. People. You know, how they relate. Take you and me, for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously. [points at Cordy] Human, [points at self] vampire. [points a Cordy] Woman, [points at self] man... pire.
- Cordelia: Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?
- Angel: [chuckles] See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you...
- Cordelia: Angel, are you trying to say you love me?
- Angel: W-What?
- Cordelia: I love you too.
- Angel: You do? When did this…
- Cordelia: [calling into Wesley's office] Angel loves me! I love him!
- Angel: Oh, my God!
- Cordelia: You guys love us and we love you!
- Wesley, Fred, Gunn: [offscreen, in chorus] We love you, Angel!
- Cordelia: They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. You're not gonna want a hug, are you?
- Angel: [chastened] No.
- Fred: Nothing is inevitable, as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say, "You're evitable!"
[edit]
Quickening
[edit]
Lullaby
- Fred: That's the tragic beauty of a cosmic convergence. I- I mean, he just plays his own small part. He comes here looking for Angel and Darla, and in the process ends up finding Angel's unborn child. Who, as it turns out, wasn't evil at all as we feared, but was actually meant to be some sort of Messianic figure. But Holtz kills it before it's even born, and his vengeance somehow triggers the end of the world! (pause, off everyone's looks) Or not. It could go either way. Have you thought of a name yet?
- Lilah: What does it say about the birth?
- Translator: Well actually, it's funny. It doesn't.
- Lilah: What do you mean it doesn't? But you said it did.
- Translator: Yes, I did say it did.
- Lilah: But it doesn't.
- Translator: In a way.
- Lilah: I have a gun.
[edit]
Dad
[edit]
Birthday
(referencing the Cordelia/Wesley kiss from season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- Gunn: Hey, is it true that you and Wes were... you know, that you had a little...?
- Cordelia: Humiliating kiss where he drooled all over my chin? Yeah, but I've worked really hard to repress it.
- Wesley: Right. Well, as much as I'm enjoying this forced death march down memory lane...
[edit]
Provider
[edit]
Waiting in the Wings
- Angel: I saw their production of "Giselle" in 1890. I cried like a baby. And I was evil!
- [Angel has bought tickets to a ballet instead of a rock concert.]
- Gunn: No, this is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down! This is just — I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.
- Fred: We have to find a dress for you. Something that'll make Angel go crazy.
- Cordelia: Fred, sweetie, Angel is crazy.
- Angel: You guys should go back. I'll snoop.
- Cordelia: I'm with snoopy. The magic of the ballet — not really getting to me.
- Wesley: But how will the dancers keep time without your rhythmic snoring?
- [A security guard is blocking the only way backstage at the ballet.]
- Cordelia: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
- Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
- Cordelia: What did you just call me?
- Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
- Cordelia: No. After that.
- Angel: I think I'll just have to go with my patented sudden burst of violence.
- Cordelia: Hey, hold on. I think I might have an approach that is a little more subtle.
- [A smiling Cordelia approaches the guard.]
- Cordelia: Hey! Do you like bribes?
- Guard: Do I ever.
- Lorne: [singing to lullaby melody] Go to sleep, lullaby / You've been fed and you're sleepy / You'll be with Uncle Lorne / Who in no way resents not being asked to go to the ballet / And is certainly not thinking / Of selling you to the first vampire cult that makes him a decent offer...
- [Wesley ends a fencing duel against a laughing, comedy-masked minion with a thrust through the body.]
- Wesley: Who's laughing now?
- Minion: [giggles weakly]
- Wesley: Well… you are. But I still win.
[edit]
Couplet
[edit]
Loyalty
[edit]
Sleep Tight
[edit]
Forgiving
- [Angel visits Wesley in the hospital.]
- Angel: Hey, Wes. I just — I want you to know I understand why you did it. I know about the prophecies and I know how hard it must have been for you to… do what you did. You thought I was gonna turn evil and kill my son. I didn't. It's important you know that. This isn't Angelus talking. It's me, Angel. You know that, right?
- Wesley: [blinks his eyes once]
- Angel: Good. [grabs a pillow and shoves it down on Wes' face] You son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for what you did! You took my son! You son of a bitch! You bastard! You think I'd forgive you?! Never! You're gonna die! You hear me? You're gonna pay!
[edit]
Double or Nothing
[edit]
The Price
- [The AI team is rebuilding Angel's apartment after an earthquake.]
- The Groosalugg: [gravely] Angel... You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion. Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words.
- Angel: Mmm… oo-kay…
- Groo: Pomegranate Mist is the wrong color for this room.
[edit]
A New World
[edit]
Benediction
[edit]
Tomorrow
- Connor: Killing is too good for you. You get to live...forever.
[edit]
Season 4
[edit]
Deep Down
- Angel: What you did to me… was unbelievable, Connor. But then, I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective. Kind of a M. C. Esher perspective — but I did get time to think. About us, about the world. Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world was what it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet. I hope you will be. I love you, Connor. Now get out of my house.
[edit]
Ground State
- Lilah: Look, Angel, I know you've been out of the loop for a while, but I'm still evil. I don't do errands. Unless they're evil errands.
- [Angel and Gunn are using a rope to climb up the side of a building.]
- Gunn: Okay, this is so much harder than it looks on Batman.
[edit]
The House Always Wins
- [Lorne is the headline act at a Las Vegas casino.]
- Gunn: Nobody seems to be bothered by the fact that he's a demon.
- Fred: They must think it's all makeup, like the Blue Man Group. You don't think… the Blue Man Group…
- Angel: Only two of them.
[edit]
Slouching Toward Bethlehem
- [Wesley and Lilah are laying in bed, sleepily chatting.]
- Wesley: So Angel knows about our relationship. Big deal.
- Lilah: A dollar! You owe me a dollar!
- Wesley: Oh, damn!
- Lilah: You called this a 'relationship'. [sing-song voice] You lost the be-et. You said it fir-irst. [Wesley hands her a dollar] Sign it first, as proof.
- Wesley: Proof of what?
- Lilah: Of now. Of this. [she nuzzles his nose; they kiss]
[edit]
Supersymmetry
- [Lilah has just arrived at Wesley's apartment with a present.]
- Wesley: Well, look, a bribe. How thoughtful. Oh, wait, can't be a bribe. Must be a setup.
[edit]
Spin the Bottle
- Cordelia [seeing Angel for the first time]: Hello, salty goodness! (see Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- [Gunn tries to understand the grim changes in Wesley.]
- Gunn: What happened to you, man?
- Wesley: I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me.
- Wesley: I'm from the Watchers' Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be Head Boy.
- Cordelia: Gee, I wonder how you earned that nickname.
- Wesley: A lot of effort, I don't mind saying.
- Cordelia: Oh, my God… my hair, my hair! The government gave me bad hair!
- Fred: Why is the devil sleepy?
- Fred: [whispers to Angel] Have you got any weed?
- Connor: Sounds kinda like my father.
- Angel: Oh, is he a self-righteous bastard?
- Connor: You'd be amazed.
[edit]
Apocalypse, Nowish
- [Lilah is sitting on Wesley's table, dressed up as Fred.]
- Lilah, as Fred: Forget about that evil witch. Let's talk about me. I'm good, and pure, and science turns me on, and one day, if I pray hard enough and eat all my vegetables, I just might have hips!
[edit]
Habeas Corpses
- Wesley: There is a line, Lilah. Black and white, good and evil.
- Lilah: Funny thing about black and white - you mix it together and you get gray. And it doesn't matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never gonna get anything but gray. And I don't see your Texas gal-pal wearing that color. Come to think of it, she prefers black.
- Connor: What's a zombie?
- Angel: It's an undead thing.
- Connor: Like you?
- Angel: No, zombies are slow-moving, dimwitted things that crave human flesh.
- Connor: Like you.
[edit]
Long Day's Journey
[edit]
Awakening
[edit]
Soulless
[edit]
Calvary
- Lilah: I just — I just want my life back. All my pretty things. I'm selfish that way. That's why we wouldn't have worked out.
- Wesley: [softly] There are many reasons why we wouldn't have worked out, Lilah.
[edit]
Salvage
- [Wesley is getting ready to sever the newly-deceased Lilah's head when she starts talking to him.]
- Lilah: Why so glum? It is kinda what you wanted, isn't it? I mean, deep down. Me out of the picture — utterly, finally. You can't get outer than this. It makes your life simpler, doesn't it? Cleaner?
- Wesley: I didn't want this.
- Lilah: Come on, what are you worried about, Wesley? You hated yourself for being with me. Or, maybe, you just hated yourself for loving being with me. [laughs] Hey, semantics. In any case, we both knew, sooner or later, it would come to a messy end. For one of us, anyway. So ease up on that furrowed brow. You're free now. No longer encumbered with the secret shame of our relationship.
- Wesley: It wasn't a relationship.
- Lilah: There's a signed dollar bill in your wallet I think proves different. You knew how I felt.
- Wesley: You don't feel.
- Lilah: The only true thing I ever —
- Wesley: You didn't love me. You couldn't.
- Lilah: We'll never know now, will we?
- ...
- Lilah: I know what it is. The reason you're having such a hard time with this. Why you're taking so long to — you know... [makes a creaking noise as she gestures across her throat with her hand] The awful truth: you couldn't save me. And this is the exclamation point.
- Wesley: Saved you from the Beast, for all the good it did.
- Lilah: [smiles] Wesley, you know that's not what I'm talking about. You couldn't save me from me.
- Wesley: Is that what you thought?
- Lilah: Me? [laughs] Lover, I'm not even here. I'm just a figment in your devilishly handsome head. So, clearly, it's what you thought. For all your supposed darkness, edge of the razor mystique, there was always a small part of you that thought you could pull me back from the brink of my evil, evil ways. Help me find redemption.
- Wesley: Redemption?
- Lilah: Angel's influence, I suppose. The whole not giving up on someone, no matter how far he — or she — has fallen. Oh, well. Too late for me. Let's just get it over with. That body's not gonna dismember itself, you know.
- Wesley: [lifts the battle-axe] I'm sorry, Lilah.
- Lilah: Oh, Wes, we don't have that word in our vocabulary. Not people like you and —
- [Wesley swings the axe.]
[edit]
Release
- Angelus: Rah rah! Good over evil! Do what must be done! Hang in there, kitten, it's almost Friday!
[edit]
Orpheus
- Willow: It had to be something specific. Ther's lots of jars in the world-can't shatter them all. I mean, you could, but good things come in jars. Peanut butter, jelly, those two headed fatal pigs at the natural history museum. Come on, everybody loves fetal pigs.
- Wesley: Sorry. I think my sense of humor's trapped in a jar somewhwere.
- Wesley: A lot's happened. Not just Angelus. I've been-I've changed. I've seen the darkness in myself. I'm not sure you'd even begin to understand.
- Willow: I flayed a guy and tried to destroy the world.
- Angelus: Alway's so concerned with the human condition. It's no big mystery, man. They suffer, they die. That's what they're there for.
- Angel: I'm not perfect, Faith. Even with a soul, I've done things I wished a thousand times I could take back.
- Angelus: Yeah, like those Manilow concerts. Son of a bitch.
- Angel: [to Faith] I used to think that. That there'd be a point when I paid my dues.
- Angelus: [hitting Angel from behind] Anybody notice a battle with your alter ego going on here?
- Angel: How're you feeling?
- Faith: Like I did mushrooms and got eaten by a bear.
[edit]
Players
[edit]
Inside Out
[edit]
Shiny Happy People
[edit]
The Magic Bullet
[edit]
Sacrifice
[edit]
Peace Out
[edit]
Home
- [Lilah, reanimated due to a clause in her contract, looks on as Wesley rifles through Wolfram & Hart files.]
- Lilah: What are you doing, Wesley?
- Wesley: [takes a piece of paper out of the files] Standard perpetuity clause.
- Lilah: You broke in here for my contract?
- Wesley: I'm here to release you from it.
- Lilah: Wesley…
- Wesley: You've suffered enough! [he lights the paper on fire] I want you to find some peace.
- Lilah: Gallant to the end... but I knew what I signed up for.
- Wesley: It's done.
- Lilah: Look in the drawer. [Wesley finds the same piece of paper in the file cabinet again, unscorched] Flames wouldn't be eternal if they actually consumed anything. But it means something that you tried.
[edit]
Season 5
[edit]
Conviction
- Angel: Do you know what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.
- Spanky: Vampire.
- Angel: Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me.I have no problem spanking men.
- Knox: He was fired... Oh, I'm sorry, he was SET on fire.
- Wesley: Don't you think it's a bit unseemly, adding "Y"s to the end of people's names?
- Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Wessle"?
- Wesley: Feng Shui.
- Gunn: What's that mean again?
- Wesley: That people will believe anything.
[edit]
Just Rewards
- Fred: Spike's radiating heat.
- Spike: Think I'm hot, do you?
- Fred: Hmm. Lukewarm. Just above room temperature.
[edit]
Unleashed
[edit]
Hell Bound
- Spike: So that's how it works, huh? Reality bends to desire?
[edit]
Life of the Party
- Lorne: I've done all I can do for the big to-do, but we still got a few bugs to comb out of the cootie garage.
- Angel: (stares blankly)
- Lorne: A bridge too far?
- Eve: The door was open. Well, unlocked. Well, I had a key.
- Wesley: Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive. Gunn is peeing all over the office.
- Fred: [slurring] And we're a little bit drunk.
- Wesley: Yes! But not because we drank. Because Lorne told us to be drunk!
- Angel: [to Gunn] Lorne told you to pee all over the office?
- Gunn: Lord, I hope so.
- Eve: Angel, it's not like this is the first time I've had sex under a mystical influence. I went to U.C.-Santa Cruz.
[edit]
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
- [A flashback to the days when Los Hermanos Numeros served as Champions.]
- Numero Cinco: [answering phone] Si. Si. !Hermanos! The devil has built a robot!
- Numeros Uno through Cinco: [in unison] !ANDALE!
- Angel: Wes... did you ever hear that the devil built a robot?
- Wesley: [nods] El Diablo Robotico. Why?
- Angel: Nobody ever tells me anything.
[edit]
Lineage
- [The lights in the Wolfram & Hart elevator suddenly go out.]
- Eve: That's odd.
- Spike: I know what this is. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME TO HELL, PAVAYNE!
- [Emergency lights come on and an alarm sounds.]
- Spike: Oh. Well, that's just something I say... when, uh... it gets dark.
[edit]
Destiny
[edit]
Harm's Way
- Angel: If you don't kill, we won't kill you. [in a Wolfram & Hart employee orientation video]
- Harmony: I just—I don't get it. Why'd you kill Eli?
- Angel: Didn't much like what he was doing in his off hours.
- Harmony: Well, that's not right. What Eli did on his own time—
- Gunn: Is dismember virgins.
- Harmony: Oh. Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for—
- Gunn: He did it for his own amusement.
- Harmony: Oh.
- Wesley: [reading through a document] This is a complete list of manners and customs. We should probably all memorize this. Apparently, gazing at a Vinji's ankles can lead to eye gouging.
- Harmony: [to Fred] I just wish I were more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science... and not having a lot up front.
- Fred: Questions are always good. Ask him where's he from, what he does for a living.
- Harmony: Cover the boring stuff.
- Fred: Only...maybe act like it's not.
[edit]
Soul Purpose
- Woman in alley: Thank you! Thank you! That thing was going to kill me!
- Spike: Well, what did you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood - I've got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit.
- Woman in alley: What?
- Spike: I mean honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take two steps and break your bloody ankle.
- Woman in alley: [annoyed] I was just trying to get home.
- Spike: Well, get a cab, you moron, and on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van!
[edit]
Damage
- Fred: You play golf? Since—what?
- Gunn: All part of the mojo the big boys installed. Half the cases that cross our desk are settled out on the links before they ever make it to trial.
- Fred: Nine holes instead of a jury of your peers. Just what the founding fathers had in mind.
- Doctor Rabinaw: A lawyer? I already told the police everything I know.
- Angel: Well, let's go over it again, just in case you left out any details.
- Spike: What he said. But with a bit more of a threat at the end.
- Spike: A psychotic vampire slayer.
- Angel: How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?
- Spike: Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.
- Andrew:[stands] Spike? [runs toward Spike, touching his shoulders] It's you. It's really you! [hugs Spike, sobbing] My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. [sniffles, releases Spike from the hug to look him in the eyes] You're like... you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, [touches his palms to Spike's face] more beautiful than ever. [hugs Spike tightly around the neck] Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.
- Angel: [smirking]You two know each other?
- Andrew:[steps back from Spike, sniffles, straightens his lapels] Uh, yeah. Um... We—we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but... it was mostly us.
- Spike: What do you want me to do? Go all boo-hoo 'cause she got tortured and driven out of her gourd? Not like we haven't done worse back in the day.
- Angel: Yeah, and it's somethin' I'm still payin' for.
- Spike: And you should let it go, mate. It's startin' to make you look old.
- Realtor: Hardwood floors. Central air. Original wainscoting throughout. She's a real charmer from top to bottom.
- Psychic: [walks around touching the walls and rails] The walls scream with the blood of the innocent.
- Realtor: I'll be in the car if you have any questions. And remember—it's a seller's market.
- Spike: [chuckles] You're a real sack of hammers, aren't you? Hey...don't worry. I used to date a girl who wasn't all there.
- Dana: Heart...and head. Stab the heart, cut off the head. Only way to be sure.
- Spike: That's slayer talk, isn't it?
- Dana: Keep cutting till you see dust.
- Spike: Right. Let me explain. You got visions. Right? Vampire slayer memories kickin' around in your head. Which is tough... 'cause it sounds like you're past midnight on the crazy clock anyway.
- Dana: [cowering]Please don't. I have to get home to my son... to my Robin.
- Spike: Robin? Oh. Hey, you're talkin' about Nikki, the slayer I offed back in— [Dana looks up at him] Uh, yeah. You probably don't want to think about that, pet.
- Dana: [with an accusational tone] William the Bloody.
- Spike: No. No. No. That's not gonna lead anywhere good. You want to focus on what's real.
- Dana: Head and heart. Don't be scared.
- Andrew: That's all right, boys. I'll take it from here.
- Angel: What?
- Andrew: Totally 'preciate your help on this one, big guy. Never could've found her without you, but you got enough problems of your own to worry about.
- Angel: Get outta the way, Andrew.
- Andrew: [steps in Angel's path] She's a slayer. That means she's ours.
- Angel: Yeah. Sorry. Not how it works. [to the guards] Load her up. Don't hesitate to tranq her if she so much as—
- Andrew: [stands right up in Angel's face] No. I don't think you... heard me, Angel. [a group of young women walks out from the shadows to back up Andrew] Think we're just gonna let you take her back to your evil stronghold? Well, as they say in Mexico... No. We're not...gonna... let you.
- Angel: She's psychotic, and I'm not turning her over...to you.
- Andrew: You don't have a choice. Check the view screen, Uhura. I got 12 Vampyr Slayers behind me, and not one of them has ever dated you. She's coming with us one way or another.
- Angel: You're way outta your league. I'll just clear this with Buffy.
- Andrew: Where do you think my orders came from? News flash—nobody in our camp trusts you anymore. Nobody. You work for Wolfram & Hart. Don't fool yourself... we're not on the same side. Thank you for your help... but, uh...we got it.
- Angel: [walks in] A lot of pain?
- Spike: More than I'd like. But not as much as you would. Just what I deserve.
- Angel: [sighs] I didn't say that.
- Spike: No. I did. The lass thought I killed her family. And I'm supposed to what, complain 'cause hers wasn't one of the hundreds of families I did kill? I'm not sayin' you're right...cause, I'm physically incapable of saying that. But, for a demon... I never did think that much about the nature of evil. No. Just threw myself in. Thought it was a party. I liked the rush. I liked the crunch. Never did look back at the victims.
- Angel: I couldn't take my eyes off them. I was only in it for the evil. It was everything to me. It was art. The destruction of a human being. I would've considered Dana a masterpiece.
- Spike: What happens to her?
- Angel: I don't know. Andrew and the slayers took her. Didn't trust us to help her.
- 'Spike: Andrew double-crossed us? That's a good move. [chuckles] Hope for the little ponce yet. Though the tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's...one of us now. She's a monster.
- Angel: She's an innocent victim.
- Spike: So were we, once upon a time.
- Angel: Once upon a time.
[edit]
You're Welcome
- [After Angel stops Spike from biting Cordelia]
- Spike: She's evil, you gourmless tit!
- Cordelia: Excuse me? Who bit whom?
- Angel: Did you call me a tit?
- Cordelia: I thought he had a soul.
- Spike: I thought she didn't.
- Cordelia: I do.
- Spike: So do I.
- Cordelia: Well, clearly mine's better!
- Cordelia: Oh, who am I kidding?! One more for the road!
- [She rushes to Angel and the two embrace and kiss]
[edit]
Why We Fight
- Spike: Angelus? They'll let anyone in here.
- Angel: You're a Nazi?
- Spike: What? Oh. No, I just ate one.
- Spike: Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap.
- Angel: You were captured at a free virgin blood party?
- Spike: I know. Who would've thought.
- Angel: We are not going to kill anyone, understood?
- Spike: Heil Hitler.
- Spike: Anyone read Nazi?
- Lawson: We all need a reason to live, even if we're dead. Mom, apple pie, the Stars and Stripes...that was good enough for me. Until I met you. Then I had this whole creature of the night thing going for me. The joy of destruction and death, and I embraced it. I did all the terrible things a monster does. Murdered women and children, tortured fathers and husbands just to hear them scream, and through it all, I felt nothing. Sixty years of blood drying in my throat like ashes. So what do you think? Is it me, Chief, or does everyone you sired feel this way?
- Spike: I know revenge is best served cold and all, but his must have been frozen solid.
- Angel: I don't think that was what he was after.
- Spike: No? Then what was he looking for?
- Angel: A reason.
[edit]
Smile Time
- [A spell has transformed Angel into a puppet.]
- Fred: Angel, you're…
- Angel: I know, I'm a —
- Fred:…Cute!
- Angel: Oh, come on, don't…
- Fred: But the little hands! And the hair…!
- Angel: You're fired.
- Nina: Are you hiding under your desk?
- Angel: [hiding under his desk] No…
- Angel: [slamming a remote controller on a table] Stupid plastic piece of crap!
- Angel: I'm a puppet.
- Nina:…Oh. Are… you okay?
- Angel: Well, I'm made of felt. [removes nose] And my node cobes off.
- Angel: Bad Nina!
- Lorne: My little prince!
- Angel: Nina tried to… eat… me…
- Nina: So… what do puppets eat?
- Angel: Let's find out.
[edit]
A Hole in the World
- Gunn: [singing] Three little maids who, all unwary,//Come from a ladies' seminary,//Freed from its genius tutelary—//Three little maids from school!//Three little maids —
- [Gunn notices Wesley is at his door]
- Gunn: [rap style] ...and ya don't stop with all the ladies in the... gangsta but ... go [spoken] What's up?
- Spike: Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?
- [Lorne prepares to "read" Eve for signs that she had a hand in Fred's mystical illness.]
- Lorne: Here's the thing, Eve: You're gonna sing for me and I'm gonna read you right now. And here's one more thing: Winifred Burkle once told me, after a sinful amount of Chinese food and in lieu of absolutely nothing, "I think a lot of people would choose to be green, your shade, if they had the choice." If I hear one note — one quarter-note — that tells me you had any involvement, these two won't even have time to kill you. Oh, and anything by Diana Warren will also result in your death. Well, except "Rhythm of the Night".
- Fred: [dying] Cavemen win. Of course cavemen win.
- Fred: [final words] Please, Wesley...why can't I stay? [dies]
[edit]
Shells
- Angel: [slams Wesley against wall] What the hell did you do?
- Wesley: What I had to.
- Angel: I don't remember seeing "stab Gunn" on the agenda this morning.
- Wesley: I avoided the major organs. He'll probably live.
- Angel: Is that supposed to make it all right?
- Wesley: Nothing is all right! Nothing will ever be all right.
- Angel: We'll get her back, Wes.
- Wesley: No, we won't. Fred's soul… her soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria.
- Angel: You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. [to Illyria] And if it comes down to a choice between you and him, then yes, I would fight for his life, just like any other human's. Because that's what people do. That's what makes us —
- [Wesley shoots and kills Knox.]
- Angel: [to Wes] Were you even listening?
- Angel: [on phone] All right, look... What do you mean she's not on this plane? You just said... Astral projection? Well, is there any way to get her astral over to L.A.? Giles, this is an emergency! No. No, I'm not going… Don't put me on hold!
- [Illyria approaches Wesley as he cleans out Fred's office.]
- Illyria [in Fred's voice]: Please… Wesley, why can't I stay?
- Wesley: [turns away] No. Leave.
- Illyria: I've nowhere to go. My kingdom is long dead. Long dead. There's so much I don't understand. I've become overwhelmed. I'm unsure of my place.
- Wesley: Your place is with the rest of your people. Dead and turned to ash.
- Illyria: Perhaps… but I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world. I'll need your help… Wesley.
- Wesley: If I were to help you find your way… you have to learn to change. You mustn't kill.
- Illyria: You killed the Qwa'ha Xahn in defiance of your leader.
- Wesley: He murdered the woman I love.
- Illyria: And that made it just?
- Wesley: No. It wasn't just. [sighs] I'm probably the last man in the world to teach you what's right.
- Illyria: But you will. If I abide, you will help me.
- Wesley: [softly] Yes.
- Illyria: Because I look like her?
- Wesley: [whispers] Yes.
[edit]
Underneath
- Illyria: All I am is what I am. I lived seven lives at once. I was power and the ecstasy of death. I was god to a god. Now... I—I'm trapped... on a roof. Just one roof... in this time and this place. With an unstable human who drinks too much whiskey, and called me a Smurf. You don't worship me at all, do you?
- Wesley: And you really can't leave.
- Illyria: I... don't know. And I fear in any other dimension in this form I'd be but prey to those I knew. I reek of humanity.
- Wesley: Don't flatter yourself.
- Lorne: [asking Eve] This thing coming after you. How bad is it on a scale from one to terminator?
[edit]
Origin
- [Illyria describes her sparring sessions with Spike.]
- Illyria: I've been hitting the half-breed. He makes noise.
- [Angel is giving Connor a tour of Wolfram & Hart.]
- Illyria: I'd like to keep Spike as a pet.
- Angel: Connor, this is Spike and Illyria. Guys, this is Connor.
- Connor: Hi. Umm... I like your outfit.
- Illyria: Your body warms. [to Angel] This one is lusting after me.
[edit]
Time Bomb
- Wesley: She still thinks she's the God-King of the Universe.
- Gunn: So she's like a TV star?
- Wesley: No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
[edit]
The Girl in Question
[edit]
Power Play
- Nina: You should get away. Vacation? You know that word? Go to Cabo, drink margaritas, midnight skinny-dipping, making love on the beach… did you catch how I subtly included myself in your little vacation package?
- Angel: Nina…
- Nina: Too pushy, too needy, I never even said it. You should make love on the beach all by yourself.
- Illyria: I've grown wary of this world since my powers were depleted. Strange… though I've been made more human, this place remains disconcerting.
- Spike: Yeah, well, I'm afraid that never goes away. Anyhow, I thought Wesley was giving you a primer on all things human.
- Illyria: He and I are no longer having intercourse.
- Spike: Yeah, I… you what? What?
- Illyria: He has ceased communication with me.
- Spike: Oh! Oh. Communi—
- Illyria: My recent reversion to the Burkle persona disturbed him. And he will not tell me why.
- Spike: You don't know? You may not think you're as powerful as you were, Highness, but looking like Fred, for some of us… it's the most devastating power you have.
- [Illyria and Drogyn are playing "Crash Bandicoot" while waiting to hear from Angel.]
- Illyria: I play this game. It is pointless, and annoys me. Yet I am compelled to keep playing.
[edit]
Not Fade Away
- Lindsey: If you want me, I'm on your team.
- Angel: I want you, Lindsey. [pause] Thinking about rephrasing that.
- Lindsey: Yeah, I think I'd be more comfortable if you did.
- [Wesley is spending the night before the final battle treating Illyria's injuries.]
- Illyria: Angel told you to do whatever you wanted… today. Tonight, you may all be dead.
- Wesley: Yes. Good point.
- Illyria: I am not what you want.
- Wesley: No.
- Illyria: Then why —
- Wesley: Don't I go off and have one last, perfect day? Smell the flowers, or sky-dive? Have a go with Mistress Spanks-A-Lot? Or whatever the hell one's supposed to do in these situations?
- Illyria: Mistress who?
- Wesley: There is no perfect day for me, Illyria. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that will sum up my life, or make tonight any… There is nothing that I want.
- Illyria: You want to be with Fred.
- Wesley: Yes. Yes, that's where I'd be if I could.
- Illyria: I could assume her shape. Make her come alive this once for you. But you would never ask me to.
- Wesley: The first lesson a Watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion, because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do. The truth is that Fred is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And, since I don't actually intend to die tonight… I won't accept a lie.
- Angel: This may come out a little pretentious, but… one of you will betray me. [Spike raises his hand] Wes.
- Spike: Oh… can I deny you three times?
- Vail: You don't know who you're dealing with, do you, boy? I mean, really. I crap better magic than this.
- Hamilton: Why do you keep fighting? You signed away your shanshu. There's nothing in it for you anymore!
- Angel: People who don't care about anything will never understand people who do.
- Hamilton: Yeah, but we won't care.
- [Illyria arrives moments after Wesley has been stabbed.]
- Illyria: This wound is mortal.
- Wesley: Aren't we all. It was good that you came.
- Illyria: I killed all mine, and I was—
- Wesley: Concerned?
- Illyria: I think so. But I can't help. You'll be dead within moments.
- Wesley: I know.
- Illyria: Would you like me to lie to you now?
- Wesley: Yes. Thank you, yes.
- [Illyria assumes the form of Fred.]
- Wesley: Hello, there.
- Illyria [as Fred]: My Wesley.
- Wesley: Fred. I've missed you.
- Illyria [as Fred]: It's gonna be okay. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. [starts to cry] We'll be together.
- Wesley: [weakly] I-I love you.
- Illyria [as Fred]: I love you. My love. Oh, my love.
- Angel: Connor, what are you doing here?
- Connor: Oh, come on. You stop by for coffee and the world's not ending? Please.
- Hamilton: Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. I am a part of them. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart. Their strength flows through my veins. My blood is filled with their ancient power.
- Angel: Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said? [bites Hamilton and drains his blood] Wow. You really are full of it!
- Illyria: Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence.
- [A horde of demons and monsters is bearing down on the surviving members of Angel's team.]
- Gunn: I'll take the thirty thousand on the left…
- Illyria: You're fading. You'll last ten minutes at best.
- Gunn: Then let's make 'em memorable.
- Spike: And in terms of a plan?
- Angel: We fight.
- Spike: Bit more specific?
- Angel: Well, personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.
[edit]
See also
[edit]
External links
- Angel quotes at the Internet Movie Database
- Angel at TV Tome
- Buffyverse DB
fr:Angel
