As Good as It Gets

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As Good As It Gets is a 1997 film about a reclusive author named Melvin who has OCDP. The film focuses on his scathing remarks and insensitivity with those around him, especially a waitress named Carol, his gay neighbor Simon, and a little dog named Verdell.

Directed by James L. Brooks. Written by James L. Brooks and Mark Andrus

Contents 1 Melvin Udall 2 Simon Bishop 3 Carol Connelly 4 Frank Sachs 5 Dialogue 6 External links

Melvin Udall

• "What if this is as good as it gets?"
• "This is New York, pal. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."
• "Some people have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story: good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good."
• "I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me."
• "I can't do this without you. I'm afraid he might pull the stiff one-eye on me."
• "You people who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch."
• "You're a disgrace to depression."
• "Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David for the weekend, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock... not on this door... not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"
• "Yes! I hate the doggy... Yes! I hate the doggy..."
• "I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!"
• "Police! Donut-munching morons! Help me!"
• "As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap what or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?"
• "I guess what i'm trying to say is: you make me want to be a better man."

Simon Bishop

• "Lucky for you, you're here for rock-bottom... you absolute horror of a human being."
• "I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help, and I won't. And I don't want to paint any more! So the life that I was trying for, is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe."
• "The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself."
• "If you stare at someone long enough, you discover their humanity."
• "Do you miss the tough guy? (doing a Nicholson impression) Well here I am, sweetheart! C'mere ya little piss-ant mop!"

Carol Connelly

• "Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you."
• "Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?"
• "If you ever mention my son again, you will not be allowed to come in here ever again. Do you understand me? Give me some sign you understand me, you crazy fuck! Do you?"
• "I want your life for one minute where my biggest problem is someone offering me a free convertible so I can get out of this city."

Frank Sachs

• "You may think you can intimidate the whole world with that attitude but you don't intimidate me. I grew up in hell! My grandmother's got more attitude!"
• "I like Simon. I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him or so much as touch his dog again. Meanwhile, I'll try and think how you can make this up to him."

Dialogue

Nora: "You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock is a good time. Here's the key in case he's asleep. Open the curtains for him, so he sees God's beautiful work and knows that even things like this happen for the best."

Melvin: "Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Go sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

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Carol: "So what are you doing with a dog?"

Melvin: "Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around."

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Melvin: "I am trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have strong feelings about the subject."

Carol: "What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs?! Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?!"

Melvin: "Yes, I do, as a matter of fact, and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You sick? You don't look sick, just tired and bitter."

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Zoe: "How do you write women so well?"

Melvin: "I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability."

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Carol: "Fucking H.M.O. bastard pieces of shit!"

Beverly: "Carol!"

Carol: "Sorry."

Dr. Martin Bettes: "It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name."

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Carol: "I'm not going to sleep with you. I will never, ever sleep with you. Never. Not ever."

Melvin: "I'm sorry. We don't open for the no-sex oaths until 9 a.m."

Carol: "I'm not kidding."

Melvin: "Okay. Anything else?"

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Simon: "I love you."

Melvin: "I tell you, buddy, I'd be the luckiest man alive if that did it for me."

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Melvin: "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Simon: "Sure."

Melvin: "You ever get an erection over a woman?"

Simon: "Melvin..."

Melvin: "I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't..."

Simon: "You consider your life easy?"

Melvin: "Alright, I give you that one."

External links

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