Charmed

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Charmed (1998-2006) is a television show about three sisters who reunite and unlock their powers to become the Charmed Ones - the most powerful witches to exist. Now they must vanquish evil and save innocents while living their lives as normal women in the real world.


Contents

[edit]

Season 1

[edit]

Something Wicca This Way Comes [1.1]

Prue: How long have you known about this anyway?
Piper: A couple of days. Maybe a week…or two.
Prue: Thanks for sharing. When does she arrive?
Phoebe: Surprise!
Darryl: Just do me a favor. Don’t ever follow a lead without checking with me first.
Andy: You want to go to occult shops?
Darryl: You’re avoiding my question.
Andy: Because you don’t want to know I went to an occult shop.
Darryl: You hate me, don’t you? You want to see me suffer.
Darryl: That woman didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple.
Phoebe: We're the protectors of the innocent. We're known as the Charmed Ones.
Phoebe:

Hear now the words of the witches
The secrets we hid in the night.
The oldest of gods are invoked here
The great work of magic is sought.
... In this night and in this hour
We call upon the ancient power.
Bring your powers to us sisters three
We want the power. Give us the power.

[edit]

I've Got You Under My Skin [1.2]

Prue: Our powers are not toys.
Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Prue: I know, Andy.
Andy: All we did was make love.
Prue: I know, Andy.
Phoebe: Newsflash! Stop worrying. You'll get wrinkles.
Prue: Yeah...and she is wearing Armani! Where did she get that?
Piper: Not out of my closet.
Piper: Don't put me in the middle.
Prue: I'm not. You were born in the middle.
Piper: I think this woman is Brittany Reynolds.
Prue: Yeah, and I'm Rosie O'Donnell.
Piper: A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not.
Piper: I hate being a witch.
Prue:

Evil Eyes look onto thee
May they soon extiniguish thee,
Bend thy will to the power of three,
Eye of earth, evil and a curse.

[edit]

Thank You For Not Morphing [1.3]

[edit]

Dead Man Dating [1.4]

Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.
[edit]

Dream Sorcerer [1.5]

Phoebe: Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.
[edit]

The Wedding From Hell [1.6]

Prue: My sisters and I, we have special gifts.
Allison Michaels: Gifts? What kind of gifts?
Prue: Ones you can't return. Let's just say we come from an interesting kind of tree.
Rex Buckland: Prue, your, um, sister's here to see you. She's waiting in your office.
Prue: Which sister?
Rex Buckland: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college."
Prue: Phoebe.
[edit]

The Fourth Sister [1.7]

[edit]

The Truth Is Out There And It Hurts [1.8]

Phoebe: Piper, what do you really think about your boss?
Piper: I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...
Prue:

For those who want the truth revealed,
Opened hearts and secrets unsealed,
From now until it's now again,
After which the memory ends.
Those who are now in this house,
Will hear the truth from other's mouths.

[edit]

The Witch Is Back [1.9]

Melinda Warren: How do modern women keep their legs warm?
Prue: We drink coffee.
[edit]

Wicca Envy [1.10]

Matthew Tate: If you like what you see, take a look. What's with all this false modesty in this era?
Hannah: Well, it's complicated with all the Women's Rights and sexual harrassment...
[edit]

Feats Of Clay [1.11]

[edit]

The Wendigo [1.12]

[edit]

From Fear To Eternity [1.13]

Andy: What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Prue: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.
[edit]

Secrets And Guys [1.14]

Leo: I thought I'd tell her that as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.
Phoebe: No, no, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.
[edit]

Is There A Woogy In The House? [1.15]

Phoebe:

I am light,
I am one too strong to fight,
return to dark where shadows dwell,
you can not have this Halliwell.
Go away and leave my sight,
and take with you this endless night.

Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes.
Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.
Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.
[edit]

Which Prue Is It Anyway? [1.16]

[edit]

That '70s Episode [1.17]

Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time.
Prue: Thank you Mr Spock
Grams: What was the name of my husband?
Prue: Which husband?
Grams: Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.
[Patty makes a face]
Grams: Oh, well, once removed of course...
Little Prue: You’re pretty.
Prue: So are you.
Piper: Oh, give me a break.
Piper: I’m supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers just because they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we would never have flowers.


[edit]

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good [1.18]

Prue: Hey, um, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep with Piper.
Brendan: Why?
Prue: Because Phoebe kicks.


[edit]

Out Of Sight [1.19]

Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple?
Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.


[edit]

The Power Of Two [1.20]

Phoebe: Where's Buffy when you need her?


[edit]

Love Hurts [1.21]

Phoebe: Okay, you know, you guys take for granted that I'm your innocent yellow pages. Okay, this takes work.
Phoebe: Okay, it's not that easy to break me.
Prue: What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?
Phoebe: It's not gonna work.
Prue: What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie! [the magazines on a rack spin around and fall off]. Well, class over.
Phoebe: You know that was just a rumor, right?


[edit]

Déjà Vu All Over Again [1.22]

Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single, restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters?
Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat.
Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell...is a witch.
Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.
Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.
Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the Commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.
the Charmed Ones:

Winds of time gather round,
Give me wings to speed my way,
Rush me on my journey forward,
Let tomorrow be today.

[edit]

Season 2

[edit]

Witch Trial [2.1]

Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay?
Piper: Well, apparently we’ve got our clothes to lose.
Phoebe: I see that.
Piper: No. Whoa, whoa. Wait. What are you doing?
Phoebe: When in Rome.
Piper: No! No! No! We’re not in Rome, Phoebe. We’re in California and it’s illegal here!


[edit]

Morality Bites [2.2]

Prue: Piper...You froze everything!
Piper: What a difference a decade makes.
Phoebe: Wow, what did you buy?
Piper: Doody.
Prue: We weren't out of that!
the charmed ones:

Hear these words, Hear this rhyme,
We send to you this burning sign,
Then our future selves we'll find,
In another place and time.


[edit]

The Painted World [2.3]

Dan: It's for a bio class, something with the human reproductive system.
Piper: You mean sex?
Dan: It's just too awkward for me to talk with my niece about.
Piper: Sure, not to worry I have plenty of experience.
Dan: Really! With sex.
Piper: No! I mean.. talking about it. yeh.
Phoebe:

Spirits send the words, from all across the land;
allow me to absorb them, through the touch of either hand.
For twenty-four hours, from seven to seven,
i will understand all meaning of the words from here to heaven.
And, uh, p.s. there will be no personal gain.

Malcolm: I always hoped someone would get my SOS, but i never thought it would be a woman.
Prue: What, a woman can't rescue a man?
Malcolm: I'm still waiting.
Prue: Yeh well keep waiting pal.


[edit]

The Devil's Music [2.4]

Chris Barker: Speaking of getting off the ground, that plane trip to Paris is still on open for discussion isn't it? Hasn't that rain cheque burned a hole in your pocket by now?
Prue: Look I really appreciate your offer
Chris Barker: It's not an offer Prue, it's a dinner request.
Prue: In Paris!
Chris Barker:You know what they call french bread in france?
Prue: Bread
Chris Barker: Exactly!
Piper: Phoebe, we can't even give our cat a vitamin, how are we going to get this down a demons throat?
Phoebe: In this.
Piper: What is that?
Phoebe: It's a balloon.
Piper: Okay, where is it?
Phoebe: Where's what?
Piper: The spoonfull of sugar big enough to hide that thing.
Phoebe: You're looking at her.


[edit]

She's A Man, Baby, A Man! [2.5]

Piper: Lives are at stake Prue, innocent men are going to die. We're your sisters Prue, we're not going to laugh.
Prue: How can i save anyone? Okay, I look riduculous, I am wearing clothes from the ex boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places and i have a PENIS! This is so not funny!
Phoebe: hahahaha
Dating service worker: what do you look for in a woman?
Dan: What do I look for? I don't know, I'm old fashioned I guess, I look for the girl next door. someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match. The kind of girl that, when Ileave for work in the morning, Iwait just a little bit til she leaves for work too, just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair and great smile. Hoping that maybe, one day, she'll notice that I'm watching and she'll smile back at me.
Phoebe: It didn't start happening until she sucker punched Owen.
Prue: Well you had a problem, I fixed it.
Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt you did. You nearly broke his jaw.
Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me i had to practise being a man, right, so i acted on instinct. And to tell you the truth, the moment i hit him, i felt powerful and strong like somehow that made me a man.
Piper: You want to know how to be a real man, look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late for work just to make you smile, not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is going to change anything.
Prue: She learned all that just from looking out a window.
Phoebe: Oh yeh, nice body, great tan.
Prue: Awesome truck.
Phoebe: You know i think you really are becoming a man.
Prue: She knocked me out guys, I mean really, it was like I was in a trance, I was weak in the knees. And for a moment I felt her need not to be rejected, as though it would devastate her.
Phoebe: Great, we're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.


[edit]

That Old Black Magic [2.6]

Leo: 200 years ago a good witch turned evil, started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked into a cave and entombed, but unfortunately, this morning, Tuatha escaped.
Phoebe: Tuatha, who wouldn't go bad with a name like that!


[edit]

They're Everywhere [2.7]

Piper: Jack's not a warlock.
Prue: He's a jerk.
Dan: Someday, somehow, I'm going to make it through that damn door.
Prue: They really shouldn't have given us the finger.
Piper: You read my mind.


[edit]

P3 H20 [2.8]

Phoebe: Be vewy vewy qwiet, we're hunting demons!
Prue: I know somebody who can see anything.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair?
Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.


[edit]

Ms. Hellfire [2.9]

Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to french kiss.
Piper: You broke your ankle when u were seven. Come on Prue, we went to Duran Duran together, you stretched out my leg warmers.
Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.


[edit]

Heartbreak City [2.10]

Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in.
Piper: Oh would you stop that.
Phoebe: Well it is a double date.
Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled.
Phoebe: I know, it seems to be an epidemic lately, guys cancelling on me.
Piper: You know what hapens when they cancel?
Prue: Ooh, back to square one!
Piper: Do not pass go
Phoebe: And all the crewed nookies credits are thrown out!
Jack Sheridan: There's a penalty?
Prue, Piper & Phoebe: Oh Yeh!
Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid?
Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me?
Piper: Where's the chubby baby?
Phoebe: Guys.
Prue: And the bow and arrow?
Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats?
Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim.
Cupid: Okay, fine. [he points to Piper] Dan, [points to Prue] Jack, [points to Phoebe] Clay [points to Prue] Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, [points to Piper] Not Jeremy the warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, [points to Phoebe] Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, [Prue and Piper look at Phoebe surprised] Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony.


[edit]

Reckless Abandon [2.11]

Prue: We have a baby?
Piper: Phoebe picked it up at the police station.
Prue: Okay, I thought you were going to request a job, not a kid.
Phoebe: Piper, you'll be fine, don't be afraid.
Prue: Yeh, Just think of it as a test run.
Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby, and it was hard on Mom, and endless, and with you dropping her all the time!
Phoebe: What?!
Prue: Oh, moving on!
Prue: I thought that babies slept. A lot.
Phoebe: Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll want to get pregnant.


[edit]

Awakened [2.12]

Piper: Wait, you enrolled? Phoebe, this is huge.
Phoebe: Hugest thing I've done since I came back home. I mean, aside from vanquishing demons, and saving the world from evil, of course!


[edit]

Animal Pragmatism [2.13]

Piper: Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smackdown?


[edit]

Pardon My Past [2.14]

Prue: It's not like there's a fallen Whitelighter support group to join or anything.
Phoebe:

In this time and in this place,
Take this spirit I displace,
Bring it forth while I go back,
to inhabit a soul so black.


[edit]

Give Me a Sign [2.15]

Prue: What are you guys doing here?
Phoebe: We are rescuing you! From the tall, dark and NAKED man!!!!
Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long? I mean, how do I know he won't want his wings back someday? And then there's Dan. Who is still great. And normal. Which is good, considering I'm not.
Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds.
Piper: Really? We ran that long?
Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.
Phoebe:

I beseech all powers above,
Send a sign to free my sisters heart,
One that will lead her to her love.

Piper: First, I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay.
Phoebe: Me too.
Piper: And secondly, I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost you're mind
Phoebe: Completely lost your mind!


[edit]

Murphy's Luck [2.16]

Phoebe: Stop trying to predict the future, that's my job.
Piper: What would I do without you?
Phoebe: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt.
Prue:

From this moment on,
Your pain is erased,
Your bad luck as well,
Enjoy your good luck Maggie,
You're free from this hell.


[edit]

How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans [2.17]

Piper: Alright, I'm only doing this for you guys. And if I get killed, I'm gonna haunt the both of you forever.
the charmed ones:

Powers of the the witches rise,
Course unseen across the skies,
Come to us who call you near,
Come to us and settle here.

Phoebe:

What Witches done and the undone,
Return this spirit back within,
And seperate him from his skin.


[edit]

Chick Flick [2.18]

Finley Beck: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence?
Prue: That would be me.
Finley Beck: You're 12.
Prue: Oh, I'm good!
Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on.
Phoebe: Hello, privacy!
Prue: Hello, ax-murderer!
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!?!?
Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.
Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day.


[edit]

Ex Libris [2.19]

Prue: Leo. Nice Orbs.
[edit]

Astral Monkey [2.20]

Leo: Ever done it on a cloud?
Phoebe: Does a featherbed count?
Piper: [about Leo] You really think he's here that much?
Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted... uh... I mean, had.


[edit]

Apocalypse, Not [2.21]

Phoebe: Are you telling me evil called good and good answered?


[edit]

Be Careful What You Witch For [2.22]

Piper: Dan is back in town.
Leo: So?
Piper: So, what am I going to tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's going to expect a reaction from me.
Phoebe: How about, 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac. '.
Piper: Where you off to?
Prue: Lunch date with Dick.
Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to doody date.
Prue: Yeh, well. all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put more balance in my life.
Piper: Yeh, but you don't need Dick!
Genie: You're probably a little upset right?
Piper: No, I've moved past upset and right to pissed off.
[edit]

Season 3

[edit]

The Honeymoon's Over [3.1]

Phoebe: If Piper ever comes back, i'm going to kill her.
Leo: Piper!
Piper: This is so not happening.
Leo: Listen to me, Piper. I told you, i've thought this whole thing through.
Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
Prue: Okay any mass vanquishing spells?
Phoebe: You're the one who's been studying the book.
Prue: Why are you picking on me?
Phoebe: Because I'm scared and we're outnumbered.


[edit]

Magic Hour [3.2]

Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.
Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't.
Piper: And neither were hearts.
Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?
Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...
Grams: Fine.


[edit]

Once Upon a Time [3.3]

Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...
Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this?
Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio, what's your excuse?
Prue: Okay. So, it's kinda late, and, ummm, we're all a little bit tired so how about we finish this up tomorrow?
Phoebe: Now look what you did, you went and turned Prue into the middle child.
Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.
Piper: Or it proves that one of had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.
Prue: Okay, what was I supposed to say? That some unknown demon came in to try and steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs?
the charmed ones:

In this tween time, this darkest hour,
we call upon the sacred power,
three together stand alone,
command the unseen to be shown,
in innocence we search the skies,
enchanted are our newfound eyes.


[edit]

All Halliwell's Eve [3.4]

Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?
Piper: Yes.
Leo: Glenda helped innocents didn't she?
Piper: Yes.
Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.
Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement.
Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Piper: Nice costume.
Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.
Leo: Mine too.
Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?
Piper: Flee! We're not in Kansas anymore!
Prue: From what they're wearing it looks to be what the 16...1700's...
Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, oh, 15 minutes.
Eva: This doorway would have told us if you were evil.
Piper: Huh! Where can we get one of those?
Piper: [referring to the elders] Oh, leave it to them to zap first and give instructions never.


[edit]

Sight Unseen [3.5]

Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present.
Prue: Already done.
Darryl: Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the United Nations?
Piper: What are those?
Prue: A way to always be prepared.
Phoebe: These are very large contraceptives, Prue.
Phoebe: I'm bummed for you Piper, but I've got to tell you, Leo is looking fine!
Piper: I thought you said you didn’t see anything.
Phoebe: I didn’t… at least nothing good!
Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!
[edit]

Primrose Empath [3.6]

Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.
Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Phoebe: It's a lunch date!
Prue: So?
Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has it's own special menu.
Piper: Sometimes being magical takes the magic right out of things.
Prue: What's your last name?
Vinceres: Misery.
Prue: In that case, would you like some company?
Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed you're lunch date but...
Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.
Piper: Premonition?
Phoebe: Intuition.
Leo: We'll help you out.
Prue: No, no, no. I'll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head.
Piper: Wait, we have couple issues?
Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice!
Piper: Here he is. Vinceres, hmm... Pretty much lives up to his gloss. Unstoppable hitman. Just keeps going until he gets his target.
Phoebe: Great. The energizer demon.
Prue:

Free thee empath,
release his gift,
let his pain be cast adrift.


[edit]

Power Outage [3.7]

Prue: Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole 'staring off into space aimlessly' thing that you've got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent.
Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue.
Cole: [to himself] I'm sorry but we have to stop seeing each other, okay. Why? Because, because I have to kill you that's why. Smooth.
Phoebe: This is important, he wants to have the talk. You know, are we a couple, are we a one-nighter, are we friends, are we friends that had a one-nighter...?
Prue: What is your problem?
Piper: You are. Get your own damn club and keep your paws off of mine.
Prue: Okay, whoa, obviously somebody needs a Midol.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, is it 'gang up on Phoebe day' and nobody told me?
Prue: Oh, well I see that you inherited Dad's talent for bailing!
Phoebe: That's because the two of us couldn't deal with living with the two of you!
Phoebe: Has the tribal council spoken? Am I booted off the island?
Prue: Who needs Oprah when we can do it ourselves?
Prue: Okay, that's new.
Phoebe: Demon with...demon filling.


[edit]

Sleuthing With The Enemy [3.8]

Prue: Pig's feet.
Piper: Yecch.
Prue: Ecch?
Piper: Yecch.
Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh, but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now.
Prue: Who are you?
Krell: I'm Krell. I'm a Zotar.
Prue: I'm Prue. I'm a Scorpio.
Krell: Just the thought of working with you two turns my stomachs.
Piper: Stomachs?
Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor
Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.
Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.
Phoebe: Works for me!
Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?
Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.
the charmed ones:

Spirits of air, forest and sea; set us of this demon free; beasts of hoof and beasts of shell, drive this evil back to hell!

the charmed ones:

Magic forces black and white,
Reaching out through space and light,
Be he far or be he near,
Bring us the demon Belthazor here.


[edit]

Coyote Piper [3.9]

Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.
Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?
Leo: Well i was.. i mean.. is there a right answer to this question?
Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?
Piper: Only a former cherleader could ask that question.
Prue: Wow, you only scored a four, that is just so sad.
Justin Harper: excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list.
Prue: Right, So I got an F, but dude, you got an F-!
Justin Harper: Ouch! That's a bad high school flashback.
Terra: What kind of witch can't vanquish a demon without her sisters?
Piper: What kind of demon has a panic attack everytime her boyfriend comes to visit?
Prue: Oh my god.. and she's been acting really.. and she left without saying.. and and the bottle, she wanted to destroy it.
Phoebe: I'm trying to jump on your thought train but you're moving a little too fast for me here.
the charmed ones:

Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone,
The alchemist will transform none,
Cruel scientist of evil born,
With these words face the fires scorn.

the charmed ones:

Host soul, reject the poison essence,
Let loves light end this cruel possession

[edit]

We All Scream For Ice Cream [3.10]

Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so...
Piper: He's still staring at me!
Phoebe: That’s not staring, that’s flirting!
Piper: You say tomato…
Phoebe: No! I say relaxo!
Prue: Hey, alright I need some professional help.
Phoebe: No arguments here.
Prue: Anything?
Piper: Nope
Phoebe: Maybe if you did it again with a little more "ummph", u no? Maybe some choreography, Piper could baack you up with some old school beetbox.
Prue: How did I know I wouldn't get any help from you?
Phoebe: Prue, if you keep ignoring me, my feelings might actually implode.
Leo: Why don't we try focusing on the positive? They're together.
Piper: That's it, that's your positive! Cos i've got a list a mile long in the negative column.
Leo: Piper, any minute they are going to walk through that door with a perfectly good explanation.
Prue: Piper!
Leo: See!
Phoebe: We thought the good guys were bad guys, and in trying to vanquish them, we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for good guys.
Leo: Was that English?
Prue: You know, if this doesn't work I can look back and pinpoint the exact moment where it all went wrong.
Piper: And that moment's name would be Dad? Prue, you gotta admit if he can open the door we kinda need him.
Prue: It's all about word choice Piper, we don't need him, we need his utter lack of power. Right? He opens the door, we save the day, we get on with our lives. It's a one time group effort.
Piper: Glad to see you have a healthy handle on the situation, Prue.
Prue: I think i do!
Piper: So your interest in me?
Ice Cream Man: Uh, huh. Strictly professional. I was lost. But until I was sure who you were I couldn't just come out and say, hey are you a charmed one, 'cos I need you to take me to my demon catching truck.
[edit]

Blinded by the Whitelighter [3.11]

Phoebe: What she needs, we can't give her.
Natalie: What happened?
Prue: Piper froze you.
Natalie: S-she what?
Prue: Ya.
Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.
Phoebe: Who's Natalie?
Piper: She's a f...
Leo: [interrupting] Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.
Piper: That's not what I was going to say.
Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.
Natalie: You must prepare yourselves for battle. Mentally, physically, spiritually, sartorially...
Phoebe: I'm sorry, what?
Piper: She doesn't like our clothes.
Natalie: You need clothes that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless... fearless attire.
Prue: Okay, then I have nothing to wear.
Natalie: Alright, lets pretend I'm the enemy.
Prue: Oh that is way too easy.
Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?
Piper: Don't tempt me.
Prue: Something doesn't feel right. This was way too easy.
Phoebe: Or even worse, anticlimactic.
the charmed ones:

Time for amends and a victims revenge,
Cloning power turned sour,
Power to change turned to strange,
I'm rejectin' your deflection.


[edit]

Wrestling With Demons [3.12]

Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn?
Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!
Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous.
Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives.
Prue: What are you babbling about?
Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often.
Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring?! It's a good thing you're dead already.
Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...
Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.
Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer.
Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like "your hair looks great". Cole's not dead. I let him go.
Phoebe: I cast a little spell.
Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am.
Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.
the charmed ones:

Guiding spirits I ask your charity,
Lend me your focus and clarity,
Lead me to the one i cannot find,
Restore that and my piece of mind.


[edit]

Bride and Gloom [3.13]

Prue: You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement.
Leo: That he can tie a bow tie?
Prue: Can I have my lipstick back, Piper?
Piper: What lipstick?
Prue: The lipstick you borrowed last night.
Piper: Wasn't me.
Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with another Piper!
Piper: Leo, come take a look at this. One minute the Book of Shadows is normal and now it has all this weirdness.
Leo: A Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.
Piper: But it does have some possibilities...
Leo: Piper!
Phoebe: Have you tried it yet, Leo? It's a real head rush.
Phoebe: I really like this whole 'think it and it happens' deal. I mean, just think of the time we could save not chanting.
Piper: Where are you going?
Phoebe: Well I can't wreak havoc dressed like this.
Cole: If what I heard is true, Prue is in danger, she is being married to a high level warlock.
Phoebe: Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder!
Piper: What's going on in here?
Phoebe: Nothing, unfortunately.
Piper: I heard voices.
Phoebe: Oh, did you? Um, I had a premonition. Must have gotten pretty loud.
Piper: I guess.
Phoebe: We gotta go. The high priestess that has Prue, supposedly she's coming here.
Piper: High prie-- Must have been a hell of a premonition.
Dantalian: That was easy.
Piper: Too easy.
Piper: Whoa, Prue. Hey, hi. You don't look so good.
Phoebe: Oh, but that's a great dress.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, Leo, sorry we killed you.
the charmed ones:

Powers of light,
Magic of right,
Cast this blight
Into forever's night.

[edit]

The Good, The Bad And The Cursed [3.14]

Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.
Prue & Leo: What?!
Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
Victor: Don't get me wrong, Leo, I want this marriage to succeed, that's why I'm warning you. But there are dangers out there worse than demons and warlocks. You do know about them don't ya?
Leo: Yeh, sure.
Victor: Well the dangers I'm talking about, you're not even going to see coming. The thing I'm talking about will just sneak up on you and destroy your marriage if you're not careful. Leo, do you know what a whitelighter is?
Cole: You have to hold my hand.
Prue: This sucks already.
Phoebe: Well, don't get mad at me, I've been shot.
Prue: Hi. What am I? A potted plant?
Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?
Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.
Phoebe: He's right.
Victor: How can you be so sure?
Phoebe: Because he loves me as much as I love him.


[edit]

Just Harried [3.15]

Grams: Is this the biggest arch you could get?
Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.
Grams: Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory.
Phoebe: And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic.
Grams: Oh, my dear, sweet child.
Prue: Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers.
Grams: I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family.
Inspector: Ah, you stick your tongue down her throat but you don't know her name?
TJ: That against the law?
Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired.
Phoebe: Piper, you have to stay positive. You know what? I have Celine Dion "Behind The Music" on video cassette. Would you like to watch that?
Piper: Would you like to get slapped?
Leo: I love her with all my heart, and i promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.
Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.
Cole: Everybody having fun down here?
Leo: Where do you stand on demons?
Victor: Patty.
Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?
Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?
Grams: Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.
Piper: Prue! What the hell is going on?
Phoebe: Prue! Get your astral ass back here!
Piper: As Halliwells, we are blessed as witches but we are cursed as women. Sometimes I think we're all destined to be alone.
Leo: Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I am is yours.
Piper: Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true, that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.


[edit]

Death Takes A Halliwell [3.16]

Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.
Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.
Prue: Oh, all hail the queen!
Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!
Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..
Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but i'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.
Phoebe: Hehe... you said wife!
Phoebe: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!
Phoebe: Pardon the potential understatement of a cliche, but you look like you've seen a ghost.
Piper: It’s just so bright.
Leo: Of course it’s bright. It’s supposed to represent the light of eternal love.
Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off?
Prue: Hi. Need a little help?
Cole: What are you doing here?
Reece: How did you get here? What the hell's going on?
Seeker: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch.
Prue: Don’t make me sick.
Phoebe: They retreated?
Prue: Yeah. I kicked ass.
Cole: No, you kicked air.
Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help?
Prue:

Spirits of air, sand and sea,
Converge to set the angel free,
In the wind i send this rhyme,
Bring death before me, before my time.

Prue: You don't know me, you don't know anything about me.
Death:: But I've seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steal yourself against me as if I was the ultimate evil.
Prue: You are the ultimate evil.
Death: No. I'm not good or evil, I just am. I'm inevitable.
the charmed ones:

Knowledge gained by murderous means,
Is wisdoms bitter enemy,
The mind that burns with stolen fire,
Will now become your funeral pire.


[edit]

Pre-Witched [3.17]

Grams: [Flashback] Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture?
Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.
Prue: Black hair?
Piper: Bad breath?
Phoebe You know him?
Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.
Phoebe So why bother us? Why not just jump in front of nine buses?
Prue: Because we must be the only ones strong enough to kill him.
Piper: And he knew where to find us. What are we in the Warlock's Guide to San Fransico?
Phoebe: Saved by the meow! You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Kit in the same way or get undressed in front of him, for that matter.
Phoebe: Oops. I think I just killed the warlock again.
Piper: Phoebe!
Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks if fun anymore.
Prue: You've never been fun, Piper.
Piper: I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.
Phoebe: [Flashback] I’m not sure what my future holds, but it’s not in San Francisco. We all know that the only thing I add to this threesome is trouble.
Piper: Sharp painful implement?
Prue: Check.
Phoebe: Ooh! Nice choice.
Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whoop ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
Shadow: Wait a minute; do you think I am an idiot? You have something up your sleeve.
Phoebe: Hello, sleeveless!
Piper: Was that for good?
Prue: Well, if it wasn't he's really gonna miss his ear, 'cause it looks like part of it's dripping off the clock.
Piper: Yuck.
Prue: It’ll be just like having your own place.
Phoebe: Except with your sisters right down the hall!
the charmed ones:

Beloved unknown spirit,
We seek your guidance,
We ask that you commune with us
And move amongst us.

the charmed ones:

Nine times this evil's cheated death,
Felt no pain and kept his breath,
This warlock standing in our midst,
Let him feel the pain he missed.


[edit]

Sin Francisco [3.18]

Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less wicca wonder, more Prue.
Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I'm searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that.
Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl!
Phoebe: Oh my god! It's the coffee maker I wanted.
Prue: Phoebe it's just the carton.
Phoebe: Oh. See I need you, you just protected me from making a fool of myself.
Prue: Now there's a full time job.
Piper: Leo, you're a genius, what would we do without him?
Prue: Oh, I dunno. I guess our lives wouldn't be the smooth running carefree existence that they are today.
Prue: The three of us can handle the box.
Phoebe: Are you sure?
Prue: Yes! Go. Although you might want to change into, oh i don't know.. clothes, an actual shirt?
Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with those sin thingys.
Phoebe: My ethics professor threw me out of class.
Prue: What happened?
Phoebe: One minute I was telling him why my paper was late, and the next thing I knew I was unzipping his pants with my teeth.
Prue: Oh, Phoebe. You do know that charming the pants off someone is just a figure of speech, don't you?
Prue: Unfortunately, what got into you was lust, as in the sin of.
Piper: What, now you think we were infected?
Prue: Hello, gluttony, table for one.
Prue: Everything's under control, don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control. Hi, he needs medical attention. The Pastor's inside, I kicked his ass. He needs attention too, he's knocked out.
Prue: Yeah, well, my sin's not nearly as fun as yours.
Phoebe: Wait, your sin, I thought you didn't get hit.
Prue: Well, that was the pride talking and it almost got me killed already.
Phoebe: Pride? You didn't seem all that different.
Prue: Oh really, well back at ya.
Prue: Hey! Be nice. I don't want to talk about sin tonight.
Phoebe: Me neither!
Prue: So, this is a pretty interesting band. What's their name?
Piper: Orgy.


[edit]

The Demon Who Came In From the Cold [3.19]

Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.
Leo: We have to.
Prue: We've been in tighter jams than this before.
Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.
Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.
Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your basic kick, freeze and magical move. No offence intended.
Piper: Some taken.
Prue: Alright, look. This whole voting together thing would be really, really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe your guys votes should just count as one from now on.
Piper: Bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with ya.
Phoebe: They'll track your shimmer.
Cole: Not if we meet in the mausoleum. That's the second safest place I know.
Phoebe: What's the safest?
Cole: With you.
Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to maintain stock portfolios?
Piper: Wouldn't it be nice to save the world at a decent hour?
Piper: Well, since plan A is going so well, I'd love to hear about plan B...assuming that you have one.
Prue: I've got part of it, in the freezer.
Piper: In the freezer?
Phoebe: what is that?
Piper: Demon-Be-Gone.
[edit]

Exit strategy [3.20]

Piper: I would rather fly Air France than Air Leo!
Phoebe: Piper?
Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?
Piper: No, it was watermelon!
Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
Piper: I don't know what is up with me everytime I try to freeze, I flame!
Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...
Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.
Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.
Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.
Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.
Piper: Leo should have been back by now. It must mean my powers are screwed forever. They're punishing me.
Jenna: You're a fulfillment of a great prophecy. Why punish you?
Piper: Oh, forgery. Wanting to have a normal life. Getting pissed off. By next week I'll be walking around like Carrie at the prom.
Prue: You look like hell.
Cole: You have no idea.
Piper: Sorry about knocking you out. Nothing personal.
Prue: Yeah, well, at least you didn't blow me up.
Piper: Yeah, I was kinda relieved too.
Prue: For Liza, a lost sister, may her spirit soar.
Piper: For Jenna, our lost friend, may we meet again.
Phoebe: For Cole, a lost love, may you find peace.
Leo: Well, I don't have news but I do have a passport.
Piper: You went back?
Leo: Yeh well, I was thinking with everything that's happened and with your new power making life a little crazy.. alright crazier, i figured the least i could do is make it somewhat normal.
Piper: Are you sure?
Leo: Anything that it takes to get you on a plane to Paris.
Piper: Ah, you know what? I think we should wait on that. I wouldn't want to like sneeze at 40,000 feet and have a whole bunch of people explode, that would be bad.


[edit]

Look Who's Barking [3.21]

Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so i have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.
Prue: Wow, I'd pick a better love life if i were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.
Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.
Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.
Piper: Yes I can.
Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.
Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.
Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?
Prue: I think that you're barking up the wrong demon.
Piper:So what do we do, wear earplugs?
Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.
Piper: What else did you expect?
Leo: A Doberman? [Prue growls]
Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.
Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.
[Prue growls]
Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?
Leo: maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vaquish a banshee.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.
Leo: Yeah!!
Leo: Are you okay?
Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a banshee, I am not even in the vicinity of okay. How did this happen? What am i supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshe