Clerks: The Animated Series
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Clerks: The Animated Series was an animated television series based on the 1994 film Clerks.
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Season 1
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Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has An Important Decision To Make [1.1]
- Dante: What were you thinking, Silas?
- Silas: I-I'm s-sorry, Mr. Dante, but they said you wouldn't care because your expectations for a fair deal have been dulled after years spent at this soul-crushing, less-than-minimum-wage hellhole.
- Dante: You got me there.
- [Dante and Randal talking to Leonardo Leonardo regarding his newly built desk.]
- Leonardo: How do you like my new desk? I built it myself. And I have all these pieces left.
- Dante: It uh…looks great.
- Randal: It looks like it was built by a Re-Re.
- Dante: What are you doing?!
- Leonardo: Ah hah! It does, doesn't it!
- Dante: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Randal: Urinating in the frozen foods section and watching it steam up? Oh yeah.
- Dante: I hope there are no hard feelings, sir.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Well played, clerks. I underestimated you once but never again. I promise you that my vengeance will be neither swift or entertaining. I will draw it out over decades until you're no longer certain whether the manifest misery of your lives is down to happenstance or the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo! Or some... third thing. Good day.
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The Clipshow Wherein Dante And Randal Are Locked In The Freezer And Remember Some Of The Great Moments Of Their Lives [1.2]
- Jay: If we had a lightsaber, I could voom-voom, snikt, snikt, snikt, woooaaa Jedi, slice up tubby here, crawl inside him and we could stay warm for the night.
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Leonardo Is Caught In The Grip Of An Outbreak Of Randal's Imagination And Patrick Swayze Either Does Or Doesn't Work In The New Pet Store [1.3]
- Randal: Look how scared he is. He's shaking.
- Dante: No, he's masturbating.
- Randal: Yeah, but it's out of fear.
- Major Baklava: Okay then. Other than watching you die, there's really nothing else we can do here.
- Dante: No, I know there's no virus, because you think there is. Name me one time you've been right about anything.
- Randall: What about that time I said "there's two great jobs down at the Block of Stores? Excellent pay, plenty of opportunities for advancement, we'll do it for two months and then move on"? [Realizes] Oh, my God! You're right, I'm always wrong!
- [After Dante has saved the town by reluctantly (and fraudulently) admitting that he's gay]
- Major Baklava: Way to go, you beautiful gay bastard!
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A Dissertation on the American Justice System by People Who Have Never Been Inside a Courtroom, Let Alone Know Anything About the Law, But Have Seen Way Too Many Legal Thrillers [1.4]
- Randal: Show us on the doll where they touched you!
- Dante: Nobody touched me.
- Randal: Who was it? There's no hiding from your past! Who touched you?
- Dante: I hate you.
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Dante And Randal And Jay And Silent Bob And A Bunch Of New Characters And Lando, Take Part In A Whole Bunch Of Movie Parodies Including But Not Exclusive To, The Bad News Bears, The Last Starfighter, Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom, Plus A High School Reunion [1.5]
- [Dante and Leonardo wobble through the school trophy hallway, drunk.]
- Dante: Stupid reunion.
- Leonardo: Yeah, stupid.
- Dante: Look at that trophy. I never won a trophy! And now they don't even remember me! I was the manager!
- Leonardo: I was the manager of...
- Dante: Stupid team. I'd like to take this trophy and go baseball... Good night.
- [Dante faints and Leonardo follows.]
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The Last Episode Ever [1.6]
- Randal: Those rides are put together by junkies and alcholics.
- Dante: No they're not.
- Alcoholic: Do you guys sell Elmer's Glue and thumbtacks? We're trying to put together a Tilt-A-Whirl.
- Junkie: Do you guys sell black tar heroin?
- Dante: No, and no.
- Alcoholic: Well, rubber bands it is.
- Dante: What!? Caitlin has a kissing booth? Like for charity?
- Jay: Yeah, only it don't cost nothin', and it's not for charity.
- [Jay leaves, and comes back in a short time later.]
- Jay: And there's no booth.
- [Jay leaves and comes back again.]
- Jay: And it's more than just kissing.
- [Jay leaves and comes back again.]
- Jay: And you don't have to be a guy.
- [Jay leaves and comes back again.]
- Jay: Dude, she's cheating on you.
- Jay: No time, man. Me and Silent Bob have an appointment at the gorilla cage. We've come to the decision that we need more gorillas in our empty lives.
- Dante: I told you hating the Golden Girls would result in something like this!
- Randal: I regret nothing! Sic semper, Bea Arthur.
