Corner Gas
From BillionQuotes
Contents |
First Line of the Series
Brent: Want me to fill it up?
Man: Sure. You know I've never driven across Saskatchewan before.
Brent: Well, you still haven't really. About halfway to go yet.
Man: Sure is flat.
Brent: How do you mean?
Man: You know, flat. Nothing to see.
Brent: What do you mean, like topographically? Hey Hank, this guy says Saskatchewan is flat.
Hank: How do you mean?
Brent: Topographically I guess. He says there's nothin' to see.
Hank: There's lots to see. There's nothin' to block your view.
Brent: There's lots to see. Nothin' to block your view. Like the mountains back there. They're uh... Well, what the hell? I could've sworn there was a big mountain range back there. Juttin' up into the sky all purple and majestic. I must be thinkin' of a postcard I saw or somethin'. Hey, it is kinda flat, thanks for pointin' that out.
Man: You guys always this sarcastic?
Brent: There's nothin' else to do.
Single Quotes
- Lacey: (to Hank) You are so close to getting a knee in the balls.
- Brent: It's not just you. Dad once called a butterfly a 'sonofabitch' just because it was in his garden.
- Oscar: Oh, I see, all buddy-buddy with the tax man. My taxes pay for your suit, buddy boy!
- Brent: I have shirt powers!
- Brent: Don't point your pickle at me!
- Oscar: Let me answer that question with another question: Shut Up!
- Brent: Brunch is a powerfull tool. I won't see it used for evil.
Repeated Lines
- Oscar: Dan you suck!
- Karen: I didn't sleep with Dan!
- "....Wullerton" (everyone spits)
Conversation Quotes
Oscar: Your son is turning the gas station into a movie theater!
Brent: Bear in mind that Dad has a tendency to overstate things.
Oscar: I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet!
Brent: Dad look, you're gonna be around for a long time.
Oscar: How can you be so sure?
Brent: Because, I've angered the Karma Gods, and you're my punishment.
Hank: Brent, can you loan me some cash? Brent: Is that like your official greeting now?
Davis: (after losing the Grey Cup tickets) Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.
Karen: Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Davis: Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Karen: Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Davis: Oh yeah.
Karen: I got a riddle for you, Hank. Okay. A plane crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?
Hank: Hmmm. Tough one. Right on the border, huh? Well, is there one larger chunk of the airplane on one side?
Karen: No. It's broken directly in half, distributed over the two sides.
Hank: Wow, that's really tough.
Karen: [Repeats herself] A plane crashes directly on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the SURVIVORS?
Hank: Ohhhhh! The survivors... Bury one on each side.
Lacey: I mean come on, a boycott? Look, I'm not clubbing baby seals and I'm not using Honduran children to make sneakers.
Hank: You could be clubbing baby seals with Hondurian children and I don't care about that!
Hank: Freaky abstract art on the walls, and she puts weird cloths on the table.
Brent: You mean tablecloths...
Hank: It's too much. She's turned the coffee house into a gay bar.
Paul the bartender: Hi Lacey, what can I getcha?
Lacey: I feel like a glass of wine. What's you house red?
Paul the bartender: Not sure ... hey, what's it say on that bag of wine over there? No, that's ketchup, the one beside it.
Lacey: You know what? Beer's good.
Oscar: John Luck Pickarrd. Who the hell is that?
Brent: It's Jean Luc Picard dad, he's french.
Oscar: Ah those french bastards! Bouncing checks! Marge Simpson. She sounds familar. What does she look like?
Brent: Thin, orange skin, blue hair.
Oscar: Don't take checks from Marge or that french guy!
Karen: You can't go firing off your gun all willy-nilly!
Davis: It wasn't willy-nilly! It was at crows.
Oscar: Are you saying I'm that easy to distract?
Emma: Look Oscar, this spoon's dirty. (holds up spoon)
Oscar: Really? (Oscar snatches the spoon and cleans it)
Emma: You're going to the doctor.
Oscar: Over my dead body!
Emma: That'd speed things up.
Emma: I'm going out to get plant food Oscar, do you need anything?
Oscar: What are you getting plant food for?
Emma: Because my tomatoes are pathetic and wrinkling. And when things are pathetic and wrinkly they need food. Eat your sandwich.
Marvin Drey the Taxman: I can appreciate that you don't wanna help me. I get that a lot, sometimes I get outright hostility. Just because of my job.
Brent: Well, no offense but I mean I can't just turn over my father. There's a bond between father and son that's strong and sacred.
Oscar: Hey idiot! You left the lid on the dumpster up last night! Crows have scattered garbage all over the place out there. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it, it'll be you out there on your hands and knees scrapin' up crow crap!
Brent: I'll tell you whatever you need to know.
Oscar: Why'd you come in person? You ever hear of a telephone? It's a handy invention, I'll show you how it works sometime.
Marvin Drey the Taxman: We did call.
Oscar: You did not!
[flashback, Oscar is on the phone]
Oscar: What are you calling me on the phone for? My taxes paid for this call! You got something to say, you come here and say it in person. Get in the car, you ever hear of a car? It's a handy invention, I'll show you how it works sometime! (slams the phone down)
Emma: Who was that?
Oscar: I don't know, some jackass!
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