This is a collection of quotes from the American game show Family Feud.
- It's time for the Family Feud! Introducing the [first] family. [names family members] Ready for action! And the [second] family. [names family members] On your marks... let's start... the FAMILY FEUUUUD! With the star of Family Feud, RICHARD DAWSON!
--Original opening spiel by announcer Gene Wood
- Survey said!
--catch phrase originated by Richard Dawson, when the number of people giving the contestant's answer to a Fast Money question is revealed
- Good answer! Good answer!
--another catch phrase, frequently used by family members when one of them gives an answer -- even if it's not on the board
- Love ya! See you here on the Feud.
--Richard Dawson's traditional sign-off
- If I look happy tonight, I am. I just the oil drilling rights to Jack Lord's hair.
--Dawson, at the beginning of the pilot episode
- Dawson: Why'd you do that to me?
Gene Wood: Because they love you, Richard.
--Dawson tried to hold back tears after receiving a standing ovation from the studio audience at the beginning of his last episode (June 14, 1985)
- Dawson: I hope a crisis comes up internationally so that the President doesn't see our last show, because you and I will be sent to Grenada. "How old do you think Ronald Reagan is," we asked innocently. You said... [contestant's answer of "80" is revealed] ahem, 30. Survey says? Five. You're not alone, that's good news. [The] number one answer was 60; it was obviously answered by people who were also being terrified of being deported.
Contestant: How old is he?
Dawson: How old is he, 74? I'd say he looks about 65. I think his neck looks about 90.
--during the last Fast Money round
- I've had the most incredible luck in my career. I've done lots and lots of jobs, and I've never, ever had a job like Family Feud. I've never dreamed I would ever have a job where so many people could touch me and I could touch them. And it was a great magic about this show that I've never seen on any other show.
I want to publicly acknowledge Howard Felsher, who is our executive producer. He was our producer in the beginning of this show, and he helped steer and guide the way that we went. And he and I fought a lot of times, but I tell you that he's important and I should acknowledge him, because he's the one, with me, that, we said, "Let anybody come on this show, anyone that can play this game, no matter what color or creed, no matter if they're in a wheelchair or they have no sight." And we've had everybody on this show, and he was very, very important in that and I acknowledge and thank him for it. I thanked my crew, and I thanked my director already. I had the best staff you've ever dreamed of. You can't... and you don't have to dream of them, 'cause I'm gonna take them with me. Even if I never work again, they'll just be near me. They are so special and wonderful. ABC, Jackie Smith, Polly Welkman, Joe C. Alba -- they kept us on the air probably a year more than they should have, 'cause we weren't really helping them. You know, our ratings weren't that good, and they were so great. They buried themselves carrying us, and I love them for that, not that I wanted to hurt 'em, 'cause I love 'em. They were good people.
There were people I know that got upset that I kiss people. I kiss them for luck and love, that's all. That's what my mother did to me. There were people upset that I would embrace or hug someone of a different color. The first time I ever saw people of any color was when D-Day left from my hometown in England, to go and free Europe in the war. And there was every color you could imagine, and I'd not seen that in England. And I'd asked my mother about it. I said, "Is there something wrong?" She said, "God... God makes people. You understand that, don't you?" And I said, "Yeah!" She said, "Who makes a rainbow?" I said, "God." She said, "I never presumed to tell anyone who could make a rainbow what color to make children." And she changed my whole life with that statement.
All I can tell you is, this has been a very special nine years of my life. If I never do another thing, I've met the good, sweet people of the world. So I leave you, with love, and for the little girl that, nine years ago, I first signed to -- I guess she's 13 now -- I'll think of you every day. God bless all the little children in the world. Thank you.
--Dawson's farewell speech
- Thank you, Richard. Thank you, America.
--Gene Wood, during the credits of the last episode
- I'm real excited about being on CBS and hosting this show. I have been studying all of the great CBS shows. I think I'm prepared, so if you're ready, let's have the first item up for bids.
--Ray Combs on his first episode, July 4, 1988
- Contestant: My family was on this show once before, and I kissed the host. Have you ever kissed Richard Dawson?
Ray: No, can't say that I have.
- You know, I've done this show for six years, and this could be the first time that I had a person that actually got no points [in Fast Money], and I think it's a damn fine way to go out. I thought I was a loser until you walked up here; you made me feel like a man.
--a bitter Combs, on his last episode in 1994, which he would eventually walk off the set before the end of the program.
Notable contestant gaffes
Amidst the pressure of competition and a national television audience, some contestants may not have the best answers to the show's 100-person surveys. These are some of the most unexpected answers ever given on the show, sorted by host.
- Dawson: During what month of pregnancy does a woman begin to look pregnant?
- [During a Fast Money Round]
Dawson: Name a time that most people get up.
Contestant: In the morning.
Dawson: Name a time that most people go to bed.
Contestant: At night.
Dawson: Name a southern state.
Contestant: North Carolina.
Dawson: Name something you buy in a delicatessen.
Dawson: Name something you put in tea.
Contestant: A teabag.
- Dawson: Name an animal with three letters in its name.
Contestant 1: Frog.
Contestant 2: Alligator.
- [during a Fast Money round]
Dawson: Name an article of clothing that children are always losing.
Contestant: Their pants.
Dawson: The price of a dozen roses.
Dawson: Besides a bird, something in a birdcage.
Dawson [after a brief pause]: Make a note of this show.
- Dawson: Name something you might accidentally leave on all night.
Contestant Kenneth: Your shoes.
Dawson: I hope you won't take this the wrong way, Kenneth, but...you are weird.
- Dawson: Name something that can kill a lively party.
Contestant: A gun.
- Dawson: Name something that has to warm up before you use it.
Contestant: How 'bout your wife?
- Dawson: Name something that people take with them to the bath besides soap and a towel. [Contestant's answer: "A duck."] Survey says? [11 -- and Dawson faints] (After getting up:) I've got to retire after this show.
- Dawson: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.
Contestant: A horse.
Dawson: The dreaded phony horse gag! [buzzer]
- Dawson: Name something Russia is famous for.
- Dawson: Name the first [item of clothing] you take off after work.
Female contestant: Underwear.
Dawson: Next question, what time do you get off from work?
- Dawson: Name a popular Halloween costume.
Contestant: Santa Claus.
- [This contestant demonstrated the hazards of buzzing in too soon during the face-off.]
Dawson: Name something made of leather --
Contestant after buzzing in: A purse.
Dawson: You're going to be slightly embarrassed when I finish this question. A purse?
Dawson [to the other family]: Name something made of leather that a cowboy uses.
[audience erupts in laughter]
- Dawson: Real or fictional, name a famous Willie.
Contestant: Willie the Pooh?
- Dawson: Name a part of a telephone.
Contestant: The bottom part.
- Dawson: Name a yellow fruit.
- Dawson: Name one of Santa's reindeer.
- Combs: Name a famous male country/western singer of all time.
Contestant: Van Waylon?
Combs: Van Waylon. Van Waylon... we've got the number two answer up there, [and] I'm pretty sure it's Van Waylon. I have no doubt. [mouths to camera: "No way."] Show me... Van Waylon! [buzzer]
- Combs: Name a tradition associated with Christmas.
- Combs: We asked 100 women, name something women borrow from each other.
Contestant: One another's husbands.
Combs: Their husbands?
Contestant: Yes. [laughter from audience] You never know, Ray.
Combs: You think that made the survey?
- Combs: Describe the weather with a word or phrase that could also describe your wife.
- Combs: Name an excuse that a girl uses not to invite you in after a date.
Contestant: Maybe her husband's home.
- [This answer was given on two different occasions.]
Combs: Name something a woman out on a date would hate to discover on her face.
Contestant: A booger.
- Combs: Name an event you see at a gymnastics meet.
- Combs: Name a type of fly.
Contestant 1: Butterfly.
Contestant 2: Mosquito.
- Combs: Name a liquid that people drink when they're sick.
Contestant: Vicks [VapoRub].
[Before the answer was revealed, Combs remarked, "And if anybody at home tries it, please call the number on the bottom of the jar."]
- Combs: Name a good place to keep a second phone.
Contestant: The backyard.
- Combs: Name an occupation helicopters are used for.
Contestant: Tuna fishing.
- Combs: Name the birthday men dread the most.
Contestant: Their wives'.
- Combs: To name a dangerous, dangerous piece of playground equipment, you said "a tire." [laughter erupts] Well, if it's still attached to the car, it would be dangerous.
- Combs: Name something you put on before you go to bed.
Old, female contestant: A condom.
Combs: A CONDOM!!?!?!?!?!
(sustained, hilarous laughter ensues, with shots of Combs fake-fainting)
Combs: Well, let's see if it's up there!
(as it turns out, "CONDOM" is the #2 answer)
- Combs: When kids finally move out of the house, name something specific they often leave behind.
Contestant 1: Your parents.
Contestant 2: A blender.
Contestant 3: Their boyfriend or their girlfriend.
- Combs: Name a famous game show host who would make a great talk show host.
Contestant: Well, Richard...uh, I mean Ray...
Combs: You can call me Richard. Besides, he hosted the very same show I'm hosting now!
- Anderson: Name a part of the body that gets bigger as adults grow older.
Anderson: HAHA! THE OLD MONKEY! HAHAHA! THE OLD MONKEY! SHOW ME THE OLD MONKEY!
- Karn: We surveyed one hundred people, your goal is to give me the most popular answer [contestant buzzes in, laughter and applause], "HOO! HOO! HOO! Call me! Call me!"
- Karn: Name a sport husbands and wives can play together. You said... "kickball!" You know, you're not usually married in third grade.
- Karn: Name a word that rhymes with "cookie."
Contestant: Nookie. [scored 23 points]
- Karn: Name a famous astronaut.
Contestant: Neil Young.
- Karn: Name something you feel before you buy it.
- Karn: Name someone you would find in an operating room.
Contestant: The operator.
- Karn: Name something that starts with the word "club."
Contestant: Golf club.
- Karn: Something that you pass.
Contestant: Your dog.
- Karn: Name an occupation that begins with the letter "J".
Contestant: A jackhammerer.
Max Bygraves (UK)
- Bygraves: We asked 100 people to name something a girl should know about a man before she marries him.
Contestant: His name.
- Bygraves: Give me a slang word for "money."
Bygraves: Pardon? "Bitch"? Who uses "bitch" for "money"?
Bygraves: No, not "mummy." Money!
- Bygraves: Name something people take with them to the beach.
Bygraves: Name the first thing you buy in a supermarket.
Bygraves: Name a food often stuffed.
Contestant: Turkey. [scored 21 points]
Les Dennis (UK)
- Dennis: We asked a hundred people to name a famous Arthur.
- Dennis: We asked a hundred people to name something you wouldn't try even once.
Contestant: Sex on a train.
Dennis: Sex on a train? [buzzer] Oddly enough, our surveyed people didn't come up with that one.
- Dennis: Name something people have more than two of on their body.
Dennis: More than two arms you've got? [looks the contestant over]
- Dennis: We asked a hundred people to name a way of toasting someone.
Contestant: Over a fire.
Dennis: Tell you what, if it's up there I'll give you the money meself! Over a fire? [Grill - 12 points] OH NO!! I owe you 12 pounds! That's the first time that's ever happened!
- Dennis: Name something you take from a hotel room.
Contestant: The lamps.
- Dennis: An article of clothing a woman might borrow from a man.
- Dennis: Apart from doors, we asked one hundred people today to name something people opened.
- Dennis: Name something you associate with the sea.
Contestant: Deck Chairs.
Dennis: Ron wants to see a deck chair [buzzer]
Other contestant: Coffin.
Dennis: Oh a burial at sea....no you're thinking of the letter C. S-E-A I meant.
Andy Collins (UK)
- Collins: Name a vocalist who is known by one name.
Contestant: Michael Jackson.