God

From BillionQuotes

God is a term used in referring to various notions of a supreme being, often described to be the ruler or creator of the universe, or immanent within it.

1 A-Z
2 Gender-related
3 Biblical
4 Humorous
5 Unattributed
6 See also
7 External links

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A-Z

A God who cannot smile could not have created this humorous universe. ~ Sri Aurobindo, in Thoughts and Aphorisms

God alone is real, nothing matters but love for God. ~ Meher Baba

A man who recognizes no God is probably placing an inordinate value on himself. ~ Robertson Davies in Conversations

All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent. - Tennessee Williams, The Night of the Iguana

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish ~ Albert Einstein

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. ~ First Nations proverb

“Consciousness is Gods’ gift to mankind” ~ Dr. Albert Hofmann (discoverer of LSD), January 15, 2006, age 100

Corrupt the mind of the common user, and an idea can become God ~ Morpheus, Deus Ex

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to... If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked... If, as they say, God can abolish evil, and God really wants to do it, why is there evil in the world? ~ Epicurus

Faith must have adequate evidence, else it is mere superstition. ~ Alexander Hodge

Give according to your means, or God will make your means according to your giving. ~ Reverend John Hall (1829 - 1898)

God: a disease we imagine we are cured of because no one dies of it nowadays. ~ Emile Cioran, The Trouble with Being Born

God does not love those who have not suffered. ~ Croatian Proverb

God heals, and the doctor takes the fee. ~ Benjamin Franklin

God helps those who help themselves. ~ Algernon Sidney

God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon, God, (1970)

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. ~ Voltaire

God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that. ~ Joseph Campbell

God is a sound people make when they're too tired to think anymore. ~ Edward Abbey

God is a thought which makes crooked all that is straight. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche "Upon the Blessed Isles", Thus Spoke Zarathustra

God is a word to express, not our ideas, but the want of them. ~ John Stuart Mill

God is dead: but considering the state Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will be shown. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science (1882), section 125

God is forgivable only because He doesn't exist. ~ Manuel de Castro

God is love, but get it in writing. - Gypsy Rose Lee

God is only a great imaginative experience. ~ D.H. Lawrence, Phoenix: The Posthumous Papers of D. H. Lawrence, pt. 4, ed. by E. McDonald, 1936),

God is real, unless declared Integer. ~ JAllan Toogood

God is the dream of good government. ~ Morpheus, Deus Ex

God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only sanctuary in his arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters. ~ Henry Louis Mencken, Minority Report (1956)

God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road. ~ Isak Dinesen

"God only speaks to those who understand the language" -- Dr. Albert Hofmann (discoverer of LSD), January 15, 2006, age 100

God says do what you wish, but make the wrong choice and you will be tortured for eternity in hell. That, sir, is not free will. It would be akin to a man telling his girlfriend, 'Do what you wish, but if you choose to leave me, I will track you down and blow your brains out.' When a man says this we call him a psychopath and cry out for his imprisonment/execution. When a god says the same, we call him loving and build churches in his honor. ~ William C. Easttom II

God, that checkroom of our dreams. ~ Jean Rostand

God used beautiful mathematics in creating the world. ~ Paul Dirac (1902 ~ 1984, nobel prize in physics)

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. ~ C. S. Lewis

God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. ~ C. S. Lewis

God's just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. And we're the ants. ~ Bruce Nolan

God's merits are so transcendent that it is not surprising his faults should be in reasonable proportion. ~ Samuel Butler "Rebelliousness", Note-Books (1912)

How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in his divine system of creation? ~ Joseph Heller, Catch 22

I believe in God, only I spell it 'Nature'. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created parasitic wasps with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars. ~ Charles Darwin

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. ~ Susan B. Anthony, address to the National American Woman Suffrage Association meeting (1896)

I do not think it is necessary to believe that the same God who has given us our senses, reason, and intelligence wished us to abandon their use, giving us by some other means the information that we could gain through them. ~ Galileo Galilei (1564 ~ 1642)

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. ~ Clarence Darrow

I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

I don't believe in God, but if I did, he would be a black, left-handed guitarist. ~ Matthew, Dreamers

I don't see any God up here. ~ Yuri Gagarin

I expect death to be nothingness and, for removing me from all possible fears of death, I am thankful to atheism. ~ Isaac Asimov

I have more faith in my plumber than I do the eternal being. Plumbers do a good job. They keep the shit flowing. ~ Charles Bukowski

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious ideas of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God. So far as religion of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake... Religion is all bunk. ~ Thomas Edison

I'm not against God. I'm against the Misuse of God. ~ Marilyn Manson

I pity the man who says there isn't a Supreme Being [...] every one who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the Universe. ~ Albert Einstein

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. ~ John Marcellus Huston

I reverse the phrase of Voltaire, and say that if God would have existed, it would be necessary to abolish Him ~ Mikhail Bakunin (On God and the State)

I talk to God but the sky is empty. ~ Sylvia Plath

I think that if there were a God, there would be less evil on this earth. I believe that if evil exists here below, then either it was willed by God or it was beyond His powers to prevent it. Now I cannot bring myself to fear a God who is either spiteful or weak. I defy Him without fear and care not a fig for his thunderbolts. ~ Marquis De Sade, Justine or The Misfortunes of Virtue (1787)

 [This quote is strikingly similar to Epicurus' above.]

I've never understood how God could expect his creatures to pick the one true religion by faith-- it strikes me as a sloppy way to run a universe. ~ Jubal Harshaw, in Stranger_In_A_Strange_Land by Robert A. Heinlein

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. ~ Voltaire

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. - Yiddish proverb,

If God thinks this state of war in the universe a price worth paying for free will...then we may take it it is worth paying. ~ C. S. Lewis

If I were granted omnipotence, and millions of years to experiment in, I should not think Man much to boast of as the final result of all my efforts. ~ Bertrand Russell, Religion and Science

If, it was natural to reason, God punishes men with eternal torment, it is surely lawful for men to use doses of it in a good cause. ~ Joseph McCabe, A History of Torture.

If the gods listened to the prayers of men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are always praying for evil against one another. ~ Epicurus

If there is a supreme being, he's crazy. ~ Marlene Dietrich, quoted in Rave magazine, November 1986

If you do not believe in a personal God the question: `What is the purpose of life?' is unaskable and unanswerable. J.R.R. Tolkien

Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. Thomas Jefferson

Is it not better to place a question mark upon a problem while seeking an answer than to put the label "God" there and consider the matter solved? Does not the word "God" only confuse and make more difficult the solution by assuming a conclusion that is utterly groundless and palpably absurd? - Joseph Lewis, The Philosophy of Atheism

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. ~ Thomas Jefferson

It is an insult to God to believe in God. For on the one hand it is to suppose that he has perpetrated acts of incalculable cruelty. On the other hand, it is to suppose that he has perversely given his human creatures an instrument--their intellect--which must inevitably lead them, if they are dispassionate and honest, to deny his existence. It is tempting to conclude that if he exists, it is the atheists and agnostics that he loves best, among those with any pretensions to education. For they are the ones who have taken him most seriously. ~ Galen Strawson

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived. ~ General George S. Patton, Jr.

It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious, then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.
[From a letter Albert Einstein wrote in English, dated 24 March 1954. It is included in Albert Einstein: The Human Side, edited by Helen Dukas and Banesh Hoffman, published by Princeton University Press.]

"Just what God needs -- one more victim. Why do we crucify ourselves?" ~ Tori Amos
- Source: Crucify

Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone and you are a God. ~ Jean Rostand, Thoughts of a Biologist (1939)

Man's inhumanity to man will continue as long as man loves God more than he loves his fellow man. - Joseph Lewis, An Atheist Manifesto

Mathematics is the language in which God wrote the universe. ~ Galileo Galilei (1564 ~ 1642)

May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't. ~ General George S. Patton, Jr.

Men rarely (if ever) managed to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

More people have been killed in the name of God than any other reason. ~ George Carlin

Never tell a young person that something cannot be done. God may have been waiting for centuries for somebody ignorant enough of the impossibility to do that thing. ~ Dr. J.A. Holmes

Perhaps our role on this planet is not to worship God — but to create Him. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived. ~ Isaac Asimov

Quantum mechanics is certainly imposing. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the secret of the Old One. I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice. ~Albert Einstein

Realization of Happiness Itself Is Realization of God, Truth, or Reality Itself ~ Adi Da Samraj

Reason can never prove the existence of God. ~ Immanuel Kant

Religion easily—has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man...living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. - George Carlin

Respectable society believed in God in order to avoid having to speak about him. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre, The Words (1964)

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. ~ Bertrand Russell

The most beautiful system of the sun, planets, and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion on an intelligent and powerful Being. ~ Isaac Newton

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. ~ Albert Einstein

The old doctrine that God wanted man to do something for him, and that he kept a watchful eye upon all the children of men; that he rewarded the virtuous and punished the wicked, is gradually fading from the mind. We know that some of the worst men have what the world calls success. We know that some of the best men lie upon the straw of failure. We know that honesty goes hungry, while larceny sits at the banquet. We know that the vicious have every physical comfort, while the virtuous are often clad in rags. ~ Robert Ingersoll

The only notions of God that I outright reject are those conceived, preached, written, believed, or killed for by men. ~ Kenton Thomas

The orthodox faith painted God as a revengeful being, and yet people talk about loving such a being. ~ P. T. Barnum

The Wisdom of God Manifested in the Works of the Creation. ~ Newton (1642 ~ 1727, law of universal gravitation)

They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse. ~ Emily Dickinson

Things could not have been brought into being by God in any manner or in any order different from that which has in fact obtained. ~ Baruch (Benedict) Spinoza

To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Issac Asimov

To the lexicographer, God is simply the word that comes next to go-cart ~ Samuel Butler

We say the name of God, but that is only out of habit. ~ Nikita Krushchev

What? Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man? ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

When gods quarrel, it is the mortals who suffer ~ Tatsuya Ishida

When I observe into what inconsistent absurdities those persons run who make speculative, metaphysical religion a matter of importance, I am fully determined never to puzzle myself in the mazes of religious discussion, [and] to content myself with practicing the dictates of God and reason so far as I can judge for myself... ~ John Adams, 2nd President of the United States

When people ask what my beliefs are, I respond that if I try to explain I would get lost. ~ Edgar Mendez

When people expect God to plan their lives for them, and protect them, they tend to lose their motivation to guide and control their own lives. ~ Charles W. Faulkner

Why should we believe in a god that doesn't believe in us? ~ Marilyn Manson

With God, every moment is the moment of beginning again. ~ Catherine Doherty

It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's way. Why would he allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand, God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple "man walks into a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony and subtle farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got his good laugh and a tragedy such as this will never happen again. ~ South Park

You notice how God's not around anymore? He spends all that time playing with Adam and Eve and the Israelites and smiting cities and things and has got bored over the last... recorded history or so. I wonder if he has new toys? And if so, are the old toys still going to be wanted when we show up to cash in the "life everafter" tokens. ~ Katie Lucas

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Gender-related

God, sometimes you just don't come through
Do you need a woman to look after you? ~ Tori Amos in God

I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her. ~ Arthur C. Clark

Lisa Simpson: I haven't stopped believing in God, I just think there's a different path to him...Or her.
Marge Simpson: HER?! *addressing God* She's just kidding, Mister Lord! ~ The Simpsons

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Biblical

For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:7-8 (ESV)

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ~ 1 John 4:16

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ~ 1 John 1:5

God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you. ~ Exodus 3:14 (King James Version)
- Variant: God said to Moses, 'I will be what I will be'

I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me: That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else. I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. ~ Isaiah 45:5-7 (King James Version)
- Variant: I am the Lord and there is no other. Who forms light and creates darkness, Who makes peace and creates evil; I am the Lord, who makes all these. ~ Isaiah 45: 6-7

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Humorous

T-shirt: "God is dead" ~ Nietzsche "Nietzsche is dead" ~ God

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. ~ Spike Milligan

Even though I've found God, I still love blow jobs, and I still say fuck. ~ Dave Mustaine

God is cruel, sometimes he makes you live. - Desperation, by Stephen King

God is either cruel or incompetent. ~ Woody Allen

God said take what you want...and pay for it. - Johnny Marinville, Desperation, by Stephen King

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ~ Woody Allen

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. ~ Voltaire

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.' - Jack Handy

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. ~ Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. ~ Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. ~ Woody Allen

In the Beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

It's just a peice of trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complex your circulatory system is?! God (from Family Guy)

I've been worrying about God a little bit lately. It seems as if he's been lashing out, you know, destroying cities, annihilating places. It seems like he's been in a bad mood. And I think it has to do with the quality of lovers he's been getting. If you look at the people who love God now, you know, if I was God, I'd need to destroy something. ~ Salman Rushdie

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. ~ Woody Allen

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sence of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about. ~ Bill Cosby

Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? ~ Lily Tomlin

Stan: Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my Friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?
Chef: Stan, sometime God take those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about Himself. He's a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it. So he doesn't care who he takes: children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Stan: Then why does God give us anything to start with?
Chef: Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then, you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothing to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and health just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears...You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
Stan: I think I understand. ~ South Park

You don't fuck around with the infinite. - IT, (Quoting "Mean Streets"), by Stephen King

[God is] a force more powerful than mom and dad put together. ~ Lisa Simpson

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Unattributed

God is odd. ~ A old popular saying

I think I'll believe in Gosh instead of God. If you don't believe in Gosh too, you'll be darned to heck. ~ anonymous

Rule #1 when interpreting God or the will of God is to keep it to yourself unless you want to become the God of someone else's life. However, it is important to discuss the need for a god or moral laws in other peoples lives for the sake of humanity. ~ Anonymous