I, Lucifer
From BillionQuotes
I, Lucifer is a novel written by Glen Duncan, published in 2003. In this book, God offers Satan a chance to redeem himself; if he can live as a human being for a month without sinning too much, he is allowed to come back to Heaven.
- I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prine of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without a doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided - oo-la-la! - to tell all.
- Give the Old Boy His due. He was almost right. (Well, actually, He was completely right in knowing that he was wrong in thinking it was all going to turn out okay - but there's no telling this story without contradictions.) He was almost right. It turned out, once we were around to experience Him, that God was really incredibly nice. It's quite something, you know, to feel yourself bathed in Divine Love all the time. It's hard not to feel grateful - and we did. We all really did feel nothing but refulgant gratitude, and spared not our throats in telling Him so. It was obvious - He'd discovered what He'd known all along - that he loved an audience. The creation of the Angels and the first crank of Old Time had shown Him Who and What He was: God, Creator, alpha and omega. He was Everything, in fact, apart from which he hath created. You could feel His relief: I'm God. Phew. ****ing knew it.
- In a way, God brought it all on Himself. (Of course he brought it all on Himself Luce, you moron). If He hadn't presented me with His absence, things might have turned out differently; but there I was, there we were, the thinkers and speculators of the angelic host, managing quite well withour Him. It felt... how can I put this? It felt like a holiday. Up untill then I spent all that time (and this is Old Time, remember), and my time, in fact, sailing around Heaven, telling Him what a wonderful guy he was for allowing me the privilige of sailing around Heaven telling Him what a wonderful guy He was. I didn't know why, but suddenly it seemed... wel... pointless.
- I never really wanted this job. (As all dictators whine). Trouble was, when we found ourselves in Hell, everyone looked at me. (How to describe Hell? Disemboweled landscapes busy with suffering, incessant heat, permanent scarlet twilight, a swirling snowfall of ash, the stink of pain, and the din of... If only. Hell is two things: the absence of God, and the presence of time. Infinite variations on that theme. Doesn't sound so bad, does it? Trust me.) (...) The point my dears, is not good nor evil - but freedom. For an angel there is only one true freedom, and that, I'm sad to say, is freedom from God. Freedom is the cause and effect. In this particulair Creation, freedom from God (worship of God, depency on God, obedience to God), is what you're after, then I'm afraid evil's only the really game in town. What I'd like, what I'd love, is to have been given a nature that didn't even know God - the fish in the pond who doesn't know life beyond it; the lawn, the house, the city, the country, the world...
- I tell you solemly: ice-cream is so delicious and bad for you I can't believe I had nothing to do with it's invention.
