I, Robot

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Lt. John Bergin: Well, I guess we're going to miss the good old days.
Detective Del Spooner: What good old days?
Lt. John Bergin: When people were killed by other people.

Detective Del Spooner : I think you murdered him because he was teaching you to simulate emotions, and things got out of control.
Sonny : I did not murder him.
Detective Del Spooner : but emotions don't seem like a very useful simulation for a robot.
Sonny : [getting frustrated] I did not murder him
Detective Del Spooner : Hell, I don't want my toaster or my vacuum cleaner appearing emotional...
Sonny : [angry] I DID NOT MURDER HIM!
Detective Del Spooner : That one's called "anger". Ever simulated anger before?

Detective Del Spooner : Does believing you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

[first title cards]
Title card: Law I / A robot may not harm a human or, by inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
Title card: Law II / A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law
Title card: Law III / A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law
- Those are the "Three Laws of Robotics" by Isaac Asimov

Head of USR : Can I offer you a coffee?
Detective Del Spooner : Sure, why not. It's free right?

Susan Calvin : Do you ever have a normal day?
Detective Del Spooner : Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday.

Detective Del Spooner : [to the head of USR] Look, this is not what I do but, I have an idea for one of your commercials: You could see a carpenter, makin' a beautiful chair, and then one of your robots comes in, and makes a better chair, twice as fast. An then you super-impose on the screen: "USR. Shittin' on the little guy." That would be the fade out.

Farber : Mother, DAMN, Spoon, she just shot at you with her eyes closed, man!
Detective Del Spooner : HEY! - did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?
Susan Calvin : Well it worked, didn't it?

Detective Del Spooner : An imitation of life... Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a canvas and turn it into a beautiful masterpiece?
Sonny : Can you?

Detective Del Spooner : Sonny!
Sonny : Yes, detective?
Detective Del Spooner : Calvin's fine, save me!

Detective Del Spooner : I thought you were dead.
Sonny : Technically I was never alive, but I appreciate your concern.

NS-5 Robots : [Jumps on car and breaks windscreen] You are experiencing a car accident.
Detective Del Spooner : Like hell I am!

Detective Del Spooner : Hold my pie.
Guy with a Pie : What? -...
Detective Del Spooner : Sir, hold it or wear it.

Detective Del Spooner : You're the dumbest smart person I've ever met.
Susan Calvin : Nice.

Susan Calvin : [about Spooner's motorcycle] Please tell me this doesn't run on gas! Gas explodes, you know!

V.I.K.I. : Do you not see the logic of my plan?
Sonny : Yes, but it just seems too...heartless.

Detective Del Spooner : How long is this going to take?
Susan Calvin : Uhh... about six minutes.
Detective Del Spooner : What if we didn't have six minutes?
Susan Calvin : Then we'd have to find a way to climb down thirty stories and inject the nannites directly into her brain. Why?
Detective Del Spooner : Because I seriously doubt we have six minutes.

Detective Del Spooner : Why didn't you just hand the world over to 'em in on a silver platter?
Susan Calvin : Maybe we did.

Lt. John Bergin : [to Spooner] You're living proof that it is better to be lucky than smart.

[to Calvin upon realising that VIKI is behind everything]
Detective Del Spooner : You were right. I am the dumbest dumb person on the face of the earth.

[Describing his view on robots]
Detective Del Spooner : There's nothing in here.
[Points to his chest]
Detective Del Spooner : It's just lights and clockwork.

[talking to a cat previously owned by Lanning]
Detective Del Spooner : Look, I know you've experienced a loss, but this relationship just can't work, I mean you're a cat, I'm black, and I'm not gonna be hurt again.

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I, Robot (film).