Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers, comedienne

  • "People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.
  • "Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even."
  • "I am pimping it out for you at the Academy Awards."
  • "They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another."
  • "My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all."
  • "Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers."
  • "But seriously, and I'm not making a joke: was the ending happy or sad?" (To actor Tim Robbins, RE: his film "Mystic River", which is known for its extremely tragic ending.)
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