Larry the Cable Guy

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Larry the Cable Guy is a comedian.


  • Git 'r done.
  • Lord, I apologize for that one there, and please be with all the starving Pygmies down there in New Guinea!
  • I don't care who you are that's funny right there.
  • What the hell is this, Russia?
  • That's Right.
  • Do you believe that?
  • My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Moley." Then she went down to the church and got herself saved. Now we call her "Holy Moley."
  • I believe the crippled stool is the Caddilac of the poopin' stools.
  • How'd you get tickets to the Tampon 400?
    • Well, I pulled some strings...
  • Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something! Why do you hate us?
  • Remember when she had Tom Selleck on her program a while back? She blind-sided Tom Selleck! He's a good fella, ain't never hurt nobody, but he's in the NRA, so she hates that. She was like, 'Well, you're in the NRA. Let me tell you something, Tom: guns kill people!' Do you believe she said that? On the Rosie O'Fat*ss show! She looks right at him and says, 'Guns kill people!' Let me tell you something: husbands that come home early kill people! Alright? The gun was just sitting there! If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil! Git-r-done!
  • I once knew a gal named Vivian Welkner and she was a good friend and I thought she needed to know, well, I love her.

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