Murphy's Law
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Murphy's Law
- "If that guy has any way of making a mistake, he will" -- original phrasing by Edward A. Murphy, Jr. according to George Nichols.
- "If it can happen, it will happen" -- precedent condensed by team members according to George Nichols.
- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. -- attributed to Major John Paul Stapp
- "If there's more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then somebody will do it that way". -- according to Robert Murphy (son of Edward A. Murphy, Jr.) his father's statement was along these lines.
- “If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.” -- correct original phrasing from Jargon File.
- "Anything That Can Possibly Go Wrong, Does" -- epigraph of John Sack's The Butcher: The Ascent of Yerupaja 1952.
- "Colonel Stapp's favorite takeoff on sober scientific laws—Murphy's Law, Stapp calls it—'Everything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong'". -- Lloyd Mallan's "Men, Rockets and Space Rats" 1955 (possibly the earliest printed use of Murphy's name in connection with the law)
Derived
- A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about absolutely nothing.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
- No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.
- The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. (Law of Selective Gravitation)
- If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
- Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- The object of any search invariably appears in the last spot you looked. (Note: There is a reason for this. Do you keep looking after you find it?)
- Corollary: If there is a worst time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
- If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
- Mother nature is a bitch.
- The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
- When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that the two cars are going in opposite directions, and they will always meet at the bridge.
- Things get worse under pressure.
- Smile ... tomorrow will be worse.
- Everything goes wrong all at once.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
[Corollary] If you are sick, and you go to a doctor, you will feel better the moment you arrive, and worse the moment you leave.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. (Also known as The Peter Principle, after a book with this title published in the late 1960's).
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
No good deed goes unpunished.
The porter will knock at the door at the most crucial point of the lesson.
Where patience fails, force prevails.
For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears on the market.
Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you, the worse you know when this will happen, and vice-versa.
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight.
If you want something badly enough, chances are you won't get it.
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomerang" effect: whatever you do will always come back.
If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.
He who angers you controls you, therefore you have no control over your anger.
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
The fish are always biting....yesterday!
The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.
Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
Murphys Computer Laws
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
All Constants are Variables.
Murphys War Laws
Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fire - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions; -when they're ready. -when you're not.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
Weather ain't neutral.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack.
When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Murphy was a grunt.
Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
The crucial round is a dud.
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
Walking point = sniper bait.
Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
If you can see the enemy, they can see you too.
Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.
Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.
Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.
When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
The best solution, always involves getting suicidal charges towards the enemy. They usually work.
No problem can't be solved with a large amount of high explosives.
War: Legal suicide
All or any of the above combined.
Hanlon's Razor
- Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
- Murphy's Law book two: More reasons why things go wrong! (1980) ISBN 0843106743 by Arthur Bloch page 52.
- This statement has often been referred to as Hanlon's Razor, though the author himself has remained relatively unknown, and some have theorized that "Hanlon" might have been a corruption of "Heinlein".
- Hanlon was a winner in a contest to come up with further statements similar to "Murphy's Law", for publication in this particular book. This phrase or very similar statements have been attributed to William James, Napoleon Bonaparte, Richard Feynman (who may well have quoted it) and others.
- Similar statements have been made by Goethe, and indeed, Robert A. Heinlein. Goethe declared: "Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence." in The Sorrows of Young Werther, and Heinlein may have written a statement derived from Goethe's and is known to have written "You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity" in his story Logic of Empire (1941). He calls this the "devil theory" of sociology.
- Variants of the phrase that were encountered in researching its history, and which have been variously attributed to this wide assortment of authors include:
Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence.
Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. - At http://www.statusq.org/2001/11/26.html is a claim that Robert J. Hanlon was a real person and did indeed invent this quote.
External links
- Blog of Quentin Stafford-Fraser: Statusq.org Posting 1 (November 26, 2001) & Posting 2 (December 4, 2001)
