The Princess Bride

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See also The Princess Bride (novel)

The Princess Bride is a 1987 film that tells a classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather).

Directed by Rob Reiner and written by William Goldman.

Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair.
- True love has never been a snap.

Image:Castelo-dos-Mouros 1.jpg
Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you tryin' to trick me? Where's the sports? Is this a kissing book?



  • As you wish.
  • [to an unconscious Fezzik] I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. Until then, rest well and dream of large women.
  • We are men of action. Lies do not become us.
  • [to Buttercup] There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
  • Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Inigo Montoya

  • He's right on top of us!!!...I wonder if he is using the same wind we are?
    • Referring to the sailboat that has been following them
  • Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. ~ oft-repeated line
  • I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
  • [On hearing Westley's cries of torture] Do you hear that Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now.
  • Let me explain — [pauses] No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape after I kill Count Rugen.


  • I only dog paddle.
  • You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful!


  • Inconceivable! ~ oft-repeated line
  • Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels — if you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh. If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.
  • [to Westley] You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.
  • [to Westley] I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
  • Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons.
  • You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less well known is this: never match wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha- [Dies]

Miracle Max

  • Your friend is only mostly dead.
  • The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!
  • You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
  • Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world . . . except for a nice M.L.T., mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomatoes are ripe, they're so perky, I love that.
  • So long, boys. Have fun storming the castle.

Prince Humperdinck

  • [addressing his people, referring to Princess Buttercup] My people ... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves -- but perhaps you will not find her common now.
  • I always think everything could be a trap -- Which is why I'm still alive.
  • [smelling a vial of odorless iocane] Iocane! I'd bet my life on it. And there are the Princess's footprints. She is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when we find her, I shall be very put out.
  • Disappeared. He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed straight for the Fire Swamp.
  • [to the Impressive Clergyman] Skip to the end.
  • [to Westley] You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
  • "i knew he was bluffing"

Count Rugen

  • [looking at The Machine] Beautiful, isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how The Machine makes you feel.
  • As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest -- how do you feel?
  • You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. It's simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous.
  • Good heavens, are you still trying to win? You've got an over-developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you in trouble some day.


  • That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'As you wish', what he meant was, "I love you."
  • Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.
  • In my day, 'television' was called 'books'.


  • Grandson: Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you tryin' to trick me? Where's the sports? Is this a kissing book?
  • Old Woman in Buttercup's Dream: Your true love lives and you marry another — True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!
  • Valerie: Chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
  • Impressive Clergyman: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…


Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles!
Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Vizzini: A word, m'lady? We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream.

Inigo: What is that you're ripping?
Vizzini: It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.
Fezzik: Who's Guilder?
Vizzini: The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin. [slaps the horse's rump] Go! Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
Fezzik: You never said anything about killing anyone.
Vizzini: I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.
Fezzik: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.
Vizzini: Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
Inigo: I agree with Fezzik.
Vizzini: Oh. The sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern — I will kill her — And remember this — never forget this — [to Inigo] when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy — [to Fezzik] And you — friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless — Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland?

Inigo: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss... Fuss... I think he likes to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we'll all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: Dyeaahh!!

Vizzini: Faster!
Fezzik: I thought I was going faster.
Vizzini: You were supposed to be this colossus. You were this great, legendary thing. And yet he gains.
Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.
Vizzini: I do not accept excuses. [shaking his head] I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.
Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please.

Vizzini: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vizzini: Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Princess, and must therefore die. [to Fezzik] You, carry her. [to Inigo] We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword.
Inigo: I want to duel him left-handed.
Vizzini: You know what a hurry we're in!
Inigo: Well, it's the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right — tch — over too quickly.
Vizzini': Oh, have it your way.
Fezzik: You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.

Inigo: Hello there. [The Man In Black glances up and grunts] Slow going?
Man in Black: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
Inigo: Sorry.
Man in Black: Thank you.
Inigo: I do not suppose you could speed things up?
Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do.
Inigo: I could do that. In fact, I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo: But I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black: That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Inigo: You don't know any way you'll trust me?
Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.
Inigo: I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in Black: Throw me the rope.

Inigo: You are ready, then?
Man in Black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
Inigo: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Man in Black: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
Inigo: Begin!

[During the swordfight]
Inigo: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, eh?
Man in Black: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo: Naturally you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.
Man in Black: Naturally. But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?
Inigo: Unless you have studied his Agrippa..which I have.

Inigo: You are wonderful.
Man in Black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo: I admit it. You are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo: I am not left handed! [switches sword to his right hand]
Man in Black: You're amazing!
Inigo: I ought to be, after twenty years.
Man in Black: There's something I ought to tell you
Inigo: Tell me.
Man in Black: I am not left handed either. [switches sword to right hand]

Inigo: Who are you?
Man in Black: No one of consequence.
Inigo: I must know.
Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo: Okay.

Inigo: Kill me quickly.
Man in Black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either...[thumps Inigo in the back of the head with his sword hilt, knocking him unconscious] Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.

[A rock smashes into a boulder just in front of Westley]
Fezzik: I did that on purpose. I don't have to miss.
Man in Black: I believe you — So what happens now?
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: I could kill you now.
Man in Black: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Man in Black: Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

Man in Black: The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait 'til I get going... where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something — it won't work.
Vizzini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will. And I choose... [points beyond Wesley's shoulder] What in the world can that be?
Man in Black: [Turns to look while Vizzini switches the goblets] What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [Chuckles]
Man in Black: What's so funny?
Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute, but first, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
[They drink, Vizzini continues to chuckle]
Man in Black: You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I did, that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned. You fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line." Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha! [Suddenly goes stiff and falls over dead]

Buttercup: If you'll release me ... whatever you ask for ransom ... you'll get it, I promise you...
Man in Black: And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness.
Buttercup: I was giving you a chance. No matter where you take me ... there's no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.
Man in Black: You think your dearest love will save you?
Buttercup: I never said he was my dearest love. And yes, he will save me. That I know.
Man in Black: You admit to me you do not love your fiance?
Buttercup: He knows I do not love him.
Man in Black: "Are not capable of love" is what you mean.
Buttercup: I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream.
[The Man In Black cocks back a fist. Buttercup flinches, but does not retreat.]
Man in Black: That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. For where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.

Buttercup: I know who you are — your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Roberts; admit it.
Man in Black: With pride. What can I do for you?
Buttercup: You can die slowly cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black: Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
Buttercup: You killed my love.
Man in Black: It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another Prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby?
Buttercup: No. A farm boy. Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.
Man in Black: I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time.
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be, what, five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?
Buttercup: Nothing you can say will upset me.
Man in Black: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, "Please. Please, I need to live." It was the "please" that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him. "True love," he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.
Buttercup: And what am I?
Man in Black: Faithfulness he talked of, madam. Your enduring faithfulness. Now, tell me truly. When you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?
Buttercup: You mocked me once, never do it again — I died that day! And you can die too for all I care!
[Buttercup pushes him down the hill.]
Man in Black: As you wish...
Buttercup: Oh my sweet Westley, what have I done?
[Buttercup jumps down the hill after him.]

Westley: Can you move at all?
Buttercup: Move? You're alive. If you want, I could fly.
Westley: I told you, "I would always come for you." Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well ... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

[Buttercup eyes the Fire Swamp nervously.]
Buttercup: We'll never survive!
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Westley: It's not that bad.
[Buttercup stares at him incredulously.]
Westley: I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.

Westley: This will all soon be but a happy memory because Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts.
Buttercup: But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?
Westley: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. You see, what I told you before about saying "please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, "All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, to fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
Buttercup: What? — go on.
Westley: Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia." Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?

Buttercup: We'll never succeed — we may as well die here.
Westley: No. No. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurts. No problem. There's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two, the Lightning Sand. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist... [an R.O.U.S. attacks him]

[When surrounded by Humperdinck's guards]
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well - I accept.

Westley: Where am I?
Albino: [whispering harshly] THE PIT OF DESPAIR! DON'T EVEN THINK— [He clears his throat and proceeds in a normal voice.] Don't even think about trying to escape.

Count Rugen: Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.
Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, MY wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.
Count Rugen: Get some rest — if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Yellin: It won't be easy.
Humperdink: Try ruling the world some time.

[Inigo pounds on a door]
Miracle Max: Go away!
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?
Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: You are the Brute Squad!
Inigo: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Inigo: He's already dead.
Miracle Max: He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.

Miracle Max: See, there's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now, mostly dead: he's slightly alive. All dead, well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.
Inigo: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for?
Westley: ... tr ... oooo .... luv...
Inigo: True love. You heard him. You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said. He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff." So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated —
Valerie: Liar! — LIAR-LI-A-A-AR!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.
Miracle Max: You never had it so good.
Valerie: "True love." He said, "true love," Max. My God —
Miracle Max: Don't say another word, Valerie.
Valerie: He's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence is shattered.
Miracle Max: Why'd you say that name — you promised me that you would never say that name.
Valerie: What, Humperdinck? Humperdinck. Humperdinck. Ooo-ooo, Humperdinck!
Miracle Max: [holding his hands over his ears] I'm not listening!
Valerie: A life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help.
Miracle Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Valerie: Humperdinck. Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Inigo: But this is Buttercup's true love — If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.
Valerie: Humperdinck. Humperdinck —
Miracle Max: [to Valerie] Shut up! [to Inigo] Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo: Humiliations galore!
Miracle Max: That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.

[As the adventurers leave…]
Miracle Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [aside, to Max] Do ya think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Together: B-Bye!

Fezzik: Inigo.
Inigo: What?
Fezzik: I hope we win...

Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean this gate key.

[Buttercup kisses the old, senile king on the cheek]
King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite.
King: Won't that be nice? [calling out to the Queen] She kissed me...

Inigo: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die!!!
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
Count Rugen: No!
[Inigo disarms Rugen, and slices his cheek]
Inigo: Now! Offer me money.
Count Rugen: Yes.
[Inigo slices the other cheek]
Inigo: Power too. Promise me that.
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo: Offer me everything I ask for.
Count Rugen: Anything you want.
[Inigo stabs Rugen in the chest]
Inigo: I want my father back, you son of a bitch.
[NOTE: Broadcast versions frequently omit the last five words.]

Buttercup: Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?
Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: What?
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: But it did. I was there. This old man said, "Man and wife."
Westley: Did you say, "I do"?
Buttercup: No. We sort of skipped that part.
Westley: Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.

Humperdink: To the death!
Westley: No, to the pain.
Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog-faced buffoon.
Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.
Humperdinck: — and then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right —
Humperdinck: — and then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it —
Westley: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why — so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish — every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing —
Westley: It's possible, pig — I might be bluffing — it's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand — then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. [he stands] DROP YOUR SWORD!

Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Ah, there you are. Inigo, I saw the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever find the lady — hello, lady — so I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did.
Inigo: Fezzik, you did something right.
Fezzik: Don't worry — I won't let it go to my head.

Inigo: You know, it's very strange -- I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Westley: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.

Grandfather: They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other...
Grandson: What? What?
Grandfather: No, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear it.
Granson: I don't mind so much.
Grandfather: Okay. Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End.

Grandson: Grandpa... maybe you could come back and read it to me again tomorrow?
Grandfather: As you wish.


  • Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair. - True love has never been a snap.
  • It's as real as the feelings you feel
  • Heroes. Giants. Villains. Wizards. True Love. - Not just your basic, average, everyday, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, ho-hum fairy tale.
  • She gets kidnapped. He gets killed. But it all ends up okay.


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