Rugrats

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Quotes from Rugrats, and its movies.

  • "A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do." -Tommy Pickles
  • "There's some things even a baby shouldn't fool around with." - Tommy
  • "When life hands you a lemon, make applesauce!" - Angelica
  • "Being bad means never having to say you're sorry." - Angelica, lampooning a line from the 1970 movie Love Story
  • "Mommy's ears are not a toy, Tommy." - Didi
  • "Do we want to be remembered as the family that settled for less?" - Stu
  • Angelica: Do you swear to tell Ruth, the whole Ruth, and nothing but Ruth, so help you Bob? ...Just say you do.
    Phil & Lil: You do.
  • "Tommy's not old enough for that gizmo; heck, I'm not even old enough for it!" - Grandpa
  • "Here you go, boy. Burnt to a crisp, just as you like them." - Stu, giving a burnt burger to Spike
  • "I'm so hungry, I could eat a hog, head first!" - Mr. Mucklehoney
  • "Land Without Brains is more like it!" - Grandpa, watching the movie The Land Without Smiles
  • Shawna (on film): Make sure the kids get the valentines, Sticky Bear. I'm not gonna make it.
    Grandpa: I'm not gonna make it, either.
    Didi: Shh!
    Grandpa: I'm gonna get some candy; I'd rather rot my teeth than rot my brain.
  • "Take a nap and keep us both out of trouble." - Grandpa, to Tommy
  • Mail Boy: Natalie, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?
    Natalie: Not for all the gold in China.
    Mail Boy: How about a couple of chili dogs, 2 Cokes, and a box of Raisinets?
    Natalie: What time will you pick me up?
  • Angelica: After all, I'm playing the most dangerous game of all!
    Chuckie: Musical Chairs?
    Angelica: No, dummy! Love!
  • Tommy: I'll trade you [one of your milk bottles] my stacking cups.
    Phil: There's a couple of them missing.
    Tommy: My snowman book?
    Lil: We read it already.
    Tommy: My fire truck?
    Lil: Umm... We're s'posed to be getting one for our birthday.
  • "Looks lifelike. Even smells lifelike. If I didn't know better, I say it was Tommy." - Grandpa, upon discovering the "doll" that came in the mail, not realizing that Stu already has the doll and Tommy is in the box
  • "In my day we did all our counting with our fingers, and for bigger numbers we used our toes!" - Grandpa
  • Didi: After kickoff, all you boys'll be thinking about is guzzling soda and eating pork rinds!
    Stu: Whoa! Time out! I haven't eaten pork rinds in years!
  • Grandpa: Back in Minnesota State I was the "Galloping", uh... "Galloping"...
    Drew: Geezer?
  • Angelica: See these teddy bears? They're the jerky.
    Phil, Lil, & Chuckie: The jury?
    Angelica: Not the Jury! The jerky!
  • "'Made In Taiwan.' Hmm, I didn't know Taiwan was in France!" - Grandpa
  • Stu: My disco outfit!
    Didi: Stu, you haven't worn that thing since 1977!
    Stu: Hey, disco is coming back!
    Angelica: Aunt Didi, what's disco?
    Didi: Oh, nothing, sweetheart; it's something that happened a long time ago and is never, ever coming back, so don't you worry.
  • "Once upon a time there was a bunny who needed some friends and found some friends and everyone was happy. The End." - Grandpa, rushing to get Tommy & Chuckie into bed before Morgana shows up
  • "Hey look!
    There's kids!
    On the ice!
    What's a dinosaur to do
    When there's kids on the ice!
    Someone better call their moms!" - Reptar (on Ice), ad-libbing when the Rugrats wander onto the ice
  • Howard: Who do you think I am? An imbecile?
    Stu: Wow, Howard! And it only took you 15 seconds!
  • Chazz: Sometimes it takes a more mature person to stop a fight than one who started it to begin with.
    Stu: Right, Chazz. Why don't you go home and watch more of those Mr. Rogers reruns?
  • "You? A superhero? You just looked like you fell into a laundry basket!" - Angelica
  • "It's nice to make new friends, even if you knew them for 76 years." - Grandpa
  • Stu: The bald guy gave [the action-musical movie The Merminator] "thumbs up".
    Grandpa: I bet the fat guy hated it!
  • "Yes, yes. All goes accordion to plan, we'll go inside Chuckie, all right. But little do those babies know that I'm not gonna get rid of that [watermelon] seed; I'm gonna make it grow!" - Angelica
  • "Thanks to those rugrats, I am completely revising my theories. The old "Dr. Lipschitz" is now merely an historical footnote; from now on, I'm now going to base my work on the French method of childrearing." - Dr. Lipschitz
  • Stu: Charlotte, it's so nice that you can finally get away from work and spend the holidays with us.
    Charlotte: Well, it is Christmas; after all, it's the season of love & joy. (back to Jonathan on the phone) I don't care, Jonathan! We got to crush the competition and we got to crush them now!
  • Angelica: You don't know the first thing about magic!
    Tommy: Oh. ...What's the first thing about magic?
    Phil: Maybe Angelica was right!
  • "It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long time ago. Then everybody started giving presents; even the Easter Bunny started giving them until Santa slapped him with a lawsuit." - Angelica, explaining the history of Christmas to Phil & Lil
  • Randy: Say, Liz, you know that ancient Indian curse?
    Lucy: Mm-Hmm?
    Randy: You don't think [Stu is] it, do you?
  • "You dumb babies! Stop having fun! It's just a dumb old box!" - Angelica, after the babies continue to play with the box she just tore up
  • Drew: I remember Didi's baby brother since he was running around in diapers.
    Stu: He was; remember the Bachelor party yesterday?
  • "I have to go, Jonathan; I'm at a friend's merger, er, wedding." - Charlotte
  • Angelica: (giving the babies orders via her toy cellphone, which she has planted in Spike's mouth) Do you always do what your mommy tells you?
    Tommy: Yes.
    Angelica: Well, cut it out!
  • "You can't punish me; I'm Angelica! Your princess! Your cupcake! Your little tax shelter!" - Angelica, being punished for ruining Drew's office
  • Boris: Why don't you turn on the Sesame Seed for them to watch?
    Minka: What am I, your servant girl? Why don't you turn on the Sesame Seed?
    Boris: I can't. I'm too old.
    Minka: I'm old too.
    Boris: But I'm older.
    Minka: By 2 weeks!
    Boris: It was a leap year!
    Minka: Leap year, schmeap year! Now go turn on the Seed!
  • "All I need is a 'Thank You', and... oh, yeah, for you to be my slave for the rest of your life." - Angelica, after saving Chuckie's life
  • "Tooth fairy? What a joke! Cheat fairy's more like her!" - Angelica, after only getting a dime for one of her teeth
  • Angelica: Could [a magic lamp] turn Fluffy into a flying horse?
    Grandpa: It could turn Fluffy into a Ferarri!
  • "Aladdin rubbed the magic lamp and wished for a Kingfisher 9000 Speed Boat." - Grandpa
  • "Aladdin rubbed the lamp so he could turn rocks into gold, so he could buy a Kingfisher 9000." - Grandpa, when the Rugrats didn't believe the last line
  • "That was the final nail in the coffee!" - Susie, thinking Angelica has stole her tricycle
  • (After the babies trick Angelica into thinking she has the fictional ailment Rhinoceritis) Drew: Angelica, why are you eating grass?
    Angelica: Be careful, daddy; a rhinoceros is known to charge at random.
  • "Some people call him 'Bigfoot'; some call him 'Sasquatch', the rest just call him 'Sir'." - Grandpa
  • Tommy: I call [my building blocks artwork] "3 Babies and a Guitar".
    Angelica: Do you know what I call it? (kicks blocks) A mess!
  • "If hippos were meant to fly, they wouldn't weigh 3000 pounds." - Didi
  • "It's our right to watch cartoons! Not my mom! Not my dad! Not even President Weisenheimer's gonna stop us!" - Young Stu, in a flashback in which he and Drew try to watch Blocky and Oxwinkle even after being punished
  • "Another boring day at the Finster house. I can't believe I'm spending the best days of my life here!" - Angelica
  • "Let me know if you want me to break anymore of your best friend's toys. See ya!" - Angelica
  • Angelica: Home movies are movies that other people don't want to watch.
    Tommy: But why do they watch home movies?
    Angelica: They have to; it's the law.
  • Grandpa: Stu! Didi! Great news! They're bringing back The Masked Detective!
    Stu: Great! Where was he?
  • Chuckie: I saw this movie, King Krong, where he was pushed off the Entire State Building.
    Tommy: So?
    Chuckie: So why don't we push Mr. Friend off the Entire State Building? Never mind. I don't know why I even try.
  • Angelica: What kind of bozo would not put the key in the package?
    Chuckie: Bozo works at the handcuff factory?
    Angelica: Do me a favor; just keep quiet for awhile?
  • "You got the fire truck at the police station; you got the police car at the airport; you got the airplane on the restaurant; you got people thrown out of windows; you got buildings scattered all over the place, and you've completely taken apart city hall!" - Chuckie, after Tommy "rearranges" his Bogo Blocks toy village
  • "I don't know what kind of baby colony you're running, Deed, but it's time to face facts! The sixties are over and we lost, so get with the program, alright?" - Betty, after Phil & Lil discard their clothes in Tommy's house
  • "Chuckie's a stupid name. Blaine's a TV name. Everyone knows TV names are better." - Angelica
  • Charlotte: Now what do we do the next time we want something?
    Angelica: Ask Daddy?
  • Lil: (after Chuckie describes having a dream involving the Rugrats in a weird wonderland, a talking Spike, and Tommy with a clown face) I wish Tommy was a clown, then we can feed him peanuts!
    Phil: That's elephants, Lillian.
  • "Ooh, you babies are so incontinent!" - Angelica, when Phil & Lil keep disobeying her orders
  • (Grandpa's black hair dye gives him red hair after being exposed to the sun) Grandpa: Serves me right to fool Mother Nature.
    Didi: And to order stuff from daytime TV.
  • "Chanukah is the special time of year between Christmas and Misgiving when all the bestest holiday shows are on TV." - Angelica
  • Dotted-Line Girl (Lil): I'm just a dotted line!
    Angelitron (Angelica): Any idiot can see a dotted line!
  • Josh: We'll split the babies, 50/50.
    Angelica: Who gets the heads?
  • "Rivers overflowed, mountains crumbled, and all the TV shows were cancelled." - Angelica, explaining to the babies what happened "the last time the world ended"
  • Angelica: (going off to look for the cookies) I'll be right back; I'm gonna check on the babies.
    Tommy: Okay.
    Chuckie: What did Angelica say?
    Tommy: She says that she's going to check on the babies.
    Chuckie: Oh.
    All: (realizing) We are the babies!
  • Grandpa: I won 15 jackpots in a row [last time I was in Las Vegas]; they flew me home first class just to get rid of me!
    Drew: I thought mom said you lost everything but your underwear and went home by bus?
    Grandpa: Oh, what does she know?
  • Phil: I want a cheeseburger.
    Lil: Yeah! With chocolate!
    Angelica: You'll eat what I give you and like it! You have a choice of barbecubed yucky carrots or barbecubed yucky peas.
    Rugrats: Yuck!
    Angelica: (to Tommy) So what it'll be, Baldy?
    Tommy: I can't decide.
    Angelica: Why? Because it sounds so good?
    Tommy: No; because your barbecube is gone!
  • "Deed, she's so beautiful. She's... she's a boy!" - Stu, on Dil's birth
  • Didi: Chuckie? What happened to your shirt?
    Grandpa: If he's hungry as I am, he probably ate it!
  • "'Chicken Pops' is what turns little kids into chickens. That's why Chuckie has to stay inside. If the grownups let Chuckie outside, he'd get eaten by a cat!" - Angelica
  • Minka: So Little Red Riding Hood skipped through the forest--
    Boris: It's Little Blue Riding Hood, Minka, not red!
    Minka: Boris, is the story 'Little Blue Riding Hood'? No! It's 'Little Red Riding Hood'! Anyway, so Little Red Riding Hood meets a wolf in the forest...
    Boris: It was a goat! In the desert!
    Minka: Wolf!
    Boris: Goat!
    Minka: Wolf!
    Boris: Desert!
    Minka: Forest!
    Chuckie: I like when your gramma and grampa tell stories, Tommy!
    Tommy: Yeah, we always get two stories instead of one!
  • "Juggling is like playing catch, only by yourself." - Angelica
  • "Wow! That's one bodacious load!" - A student in Didi's class after seeing Tommy's dirty diaper
  • "You? A superhero? You just looked like you fell into a laundry basket!" - Angelica to Chuckie
  • "I got diaper rash down to my knees." - Phil
  • "Sometimes I wish I could be you, just so I can be friends with me!" - Angelica
  • "Back in my day, I used to work as a carny; I worked day and night and slept with the elephants. If one of them had a bad dream, they'd roll over and squash ya!" - Grandpa
  • Didi: I hope Grandpa comes back with anything other than 40 boxes of Fudgy Dingaling Bars.
    Stu: I hope they come back.
  • "Your room is a potty?" - Tommy
  • "No, snookums; toilet paper is for cleaning messes, not making them." - Didi
  • "Baked apples! I hate stinky baked apples!" - Angelica
  • "My mouth's so dry I can't even spit!" - Tommy
  • "I got up, but my legs feel like Jello; the red kind, not the green kind with bananas that I like." - Tommy, as the Masked Detective's narration
  • "Jail is like a bazillion times more horribler than Time Out!" - Angelica
  • "Next to me, you're the cutest girl in the show!" - Angelica, to "Tonya" (Tommy in a dress)
  • "See? That's the Weatherman. He's the guy who makes it hot or cold outside!" - Tommy
  • "No! I knew Spike! Spike's my friend, and let me tell you something, that dog's no Spike!" - Tommy
  • "YOU LITTLE BABIES ARE FIRED!" - Angelica
  • "Boy! How come kittypillars work so hard to end up so ugly?" - Phil
  • Minka: "Boris! Vere are the dumplings?"
  • Lil: "'Cause girls are good and boys are bad, naughty babies!"


Boris: "I put zem in the refrigerator."
Minka: "Not those dumplings!"


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