Sarah Silverman
From BillionQuotes
Sarah Silverman (born December 2, 1970) Jewish-American actress, a stand-up comedian, and a writer.
[edit]
Sourced
- Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.
- The New Yorker, October 24, 2005
- I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls 'the real way.
- Rolling Stone, November 3, 2005
- I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be difficult to conceive -- it can be dangerous. The best time to conceive is when you're a black teenager.
- Rolling Stone, November 3, 2005
- I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
- To Pamela Anderson on the Comedy Central Roast, August 14, 2005
- I'm so glad [Courtney Love] is here, I left my crack in my other purse.
- To Courtney Love on her Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson, August 14, 2005
- I love you more than bears love honey, I love you more than Jews love money, I love you more than Asians are good at math, I love you more than black guys don't tip. [singing]
- Jesus is Magic
- I got jury duty...and I didn't want to go, so my friend said 'You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like you should put 'I hate Chinks'.' And I said 'I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty! I don't want people to think that about me!' So instead I wrote 'I *LOVE* Chinks.'
- The Conan O'Brien Show; highly controversial, Silverman was vilified and the network apologized publicly
[edit]
Attributed
- A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis. And I thought, Oh, my God--I'm turning into my mother!
- Faggot.
- When asked if she had a nickname for her vagina
- I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says [in a gruff male voice], 'I want pussy!' Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [flattered smile] he was talking about me!
- I dated a guy who was half-black, but he dumped me because I’m such a loser. Wow, I shouldn’t say things like that, I’m such a pessimist… he's actually half-white.
- I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm skinny.
- I saw my father naked once. But it was okay, because I was soooo young . . . and sooo drunk.
- I want to get an abortion. But my boyfriend and I are having trouble conceiving.
- I'm suing my boss for sexual harassment. And it's real hard, and a big strain on me. Because he hasn't done anything.
- I was raped by a doctor.... which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
- People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I HATE that! I wish people would see me for who I really am- I'm white!
- On the law that requires women to wait twenty-four hours before they are permitted to have an abortion: I think it's a good law. the other day I wanted to go get an abortion. I really wanted an abortion, but then I thought about it and it turned out I was just thirsty.
- The Holocaust would never had happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s… well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.
- The only time religion matters is when you have kids and you're deciding what to teach them. If my boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that mommy is one of God's chosen people, and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
- The writers of "Sanford and Son" were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!
- This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew-hating tyrant with a weird looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas. [Pause.] Obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee.
- On the US-Iraq war of 2003
- When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS - make lemon-AIDS!
[edit]
External links
