Stewie Griffin Insult Collection
From BillionQuotes
Stewie Griffin, a character on the sitcom Family Guy, frequently uses off-beat insults. Here's a collection of the classics.
Quotes
- Damn you, vile woman! (various episodes)
- Why you sick, sick little moo-cow! (A Fish Out Of Water)
- As for you, kind sage, I only hope that my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm as you spend the next forty years in frozen carbonite! (Chitty Chitty Death Bang)
- For every sprinkle I find - I shall kill you. (Chitty Chitty Death Bang)
- I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal...and no pickles. GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!!!! (Chitty Chitty Death Bang)
- No mother, I'll put YOU down for a nap!
- Life's like a box of chocolates; you'll never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is like a box of ACTIVE GRENADES! Now, return the device, woman!
- Meg Griffin: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie Griffin: Hmm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
- Stewie Griffin: Go Away Fat Man!!
- A bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a fucking sock in it, you cow! (Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story)
- Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
- Stewie: (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
- Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
- Stewie: (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
- Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
- Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
- Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.
- Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
- Stewie: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
- Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." ("Brian Goes Hollywood")
- Stewie: So broccoli, mother says your good for me,well I'm afraid i'm not good for you!
- Stewie: Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
- Stewie: Ooh, Lois, someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside.
Stewie (to Death): Email me at lois must die (all one word) at yahoo.com.
Stewie (reading the Bible): My, my. What a thumping good read! Lions eatting Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh. ("Holy Crap")
- Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.
- Stewie: You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.
- Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
- Stewie: (to Meg): So, umm...this is uhh..awkward but uhh..have we ever actually, you know, met? I mean I don't even know, say for example, if you have a room up there. You know? A room? I have a room. You know Meg if you kill yourself now you'll probably get a full page in the yearbook. So, umm...you know thats something to think abou..(burps)..oops just burped.
