Team America: World Police

From BillionQuotes

Jump to: navigation, search
This film article needs cleanup. Please review Wikiquote:Templates, especially the standard format of film articles, to determine how to edit this article to conform to a higher standard of article quality.

Team America: World Police is a 2004 film by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The movie is created using a variation of the Supermarionation technique - which Stone jokingly calls supercrappymation - chiefly known from the 60s tv-show Thunderbirds.

The movie is known for its puppet sex, and like South Park, another creation of Stone and Parker, features very strong language, irreverent humour and satirical songs.

Contents

[edit]

Paris, France, 3635 Miles east of America

[French accordion music. The Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe are visible]
French Puppet: Sacre bleu. Dans la putaaan. Ah. Oui? Bon. Helleu.... [pan out, and the revel-in-the-beauty-of-the-models sequence commences]


French Mother: Jean-François?! Jean-François?!


Jean-François: [Singing] Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques. Dormez-vous? Dormez...
[Arab music Jo, de Siddhiiii sounds as Jean-François bumps into some middle-eastern looking sinister types]


White Turban Grey Beard: Baka derk. Jihad sherpaha.
White Turban Black Beard: Allah kaderka-derka. [Activates the suitcase bomb]
French Mother: Jean-François! Pauvre garçon!
Jean-François: Regardez-le, maman. On volez en pepipe.
French Mother: Mon Dieu!


[Sirens sound followed by the Team America theme]
Terrorist: Bakala! Bakala!!!
Joe: [Through the PA system] You in the robes: put down the weapon of mass destruction and get on the ground. You're under arrest!
Terrorist: Bakalakalaka!


Carson: [Getting out of his car, having just run over a fruit-cart] World Police! Get down on the ground!


Lisa: Hey, terrorist! Terrorize this!


Carson: He's getting away with the WMD!
Joe: I got him! [fires missile, toppling the Eiffel Tower. It falls, shattering the Arc de Triomphe]
Joe: Damn, I missed him.


[Paris is reduced to a smouldering pile of rubble]
Joe: Bonjour everyone! Don't worry. Everything is bon! We stopped the terrorists.
[edit]

Recruiting Gary Johnston

Gary Johnston: Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get'n your car and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.
Spottswoode: No. I just want to show you something.
Gary Johnston: Yeah I'll bet you do.
Spottswoode: Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to fuck your mouth, and my time is extremely valuable!


Gary Johnston: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock!
[He pauses and grins sardonically]
Spottswoode: Heh, Heh. Just kidding!


Spottswoode: Baxter, I think we can valmorphanize safely now.
[Baxter presses the valmorphanize button, turning the limousine into a jet ("cool" music), and takes off (Team America theme)]
Gary Johnston: [(grim music)] Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Gary Johnston: No!
Spottswoode: So, then you haven't seen everything. And neither have we.


Spottswoode: Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think.
Lisa: Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood.


Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. has gathered, it would be Nine-eleven times a hundred.
Gary: Nine-eleven times a hundred... Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes. Ninety-one thousand one hundred.
Joe: Basically all the worst parts of the Bible.


Joe: Wadda you think Spottswoode sees in him?
Lisa: I dunno, but I think I see it too.
[edit]

North Korea, Asia, 5,945 miles west of America

[Kim Jong Il receives a Chechen terrorist at his palace]
Kim Jong Il: Fe jong sow mae tow mae chauwba inchawmida.
Translator: Our dear leader, Kim Jong Il, says the weapons of mass destruction you requested are ready for you to take.
Chechen Leader: I am still in the process of recruiting and training new terrorists for the attack. We take weapons later.
Kim Jong Il: Poin jang tee mam hinon poi tow me dat pee ping jang paa!!
Translator: He asks what part of the deal you did not understand. He says perhaps his transrator did not make it clear to you. He says he should fire his translator?
[Kim Jong Il shoots the translator.]
Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am? I cannot berieve that I actually have a Chechnyan standing here, telling me when he's gonna take a derivery. Herro?
Chechen Leader: Perhaps we can be ready sooner.
Kim Jong Il: Yes, perhaps you can. Now take your weapons of mass destwuction, and get the fuck out of here.


Joe: All right, Gary, you follow me. The rest of the team take super-secret hiding positions Alpha-1! All right, that's the tavern with the blue door. Act your way past those guards, and see what you can find out. Remember, if you think they're on to you, give us the signal. Do you remember the signal? [Gary shakes back and forth with his arms stretched out. Joe nods in approval.]
Joe [whispering] That's right. All right, good luck.
[Gary walks slowly towards the tavern to the sound of Western music.]
Spottswoode: Go get 'em, cowboy!
Guard 1: Derka Allah, Muhammad jihad. [Gary doesn't react, which annoys the guard.] Bakala! Muhammad jihad! [Gary still does not react, and the guard is getting agitated.] Bakala! Muhammad jihad! Allah derka derka, Muhammad jihad! Muhammad jihad!
Chris: [afraid] Oh shit.
Spottswoode: Come on, Gary! Act! You have the power!
Gary: [finally reacts hesitatingly] Bak. Derk derk Allah. [the guard relaxes and listens] Derka derka, Muhammad jihad. Haka sherpa sherpa. Habak Allah.
Guard 1: Oooohh, derka derka derka! [steps aside for Gary, who then enters the tavern]
Sarah: All right, Gary!
Spottswoode: Told ya he was Top-Gun!
Joe: I've never seen acting that good!
Lisa: He's amazing.


Gary Johnston: I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Black Hawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the firey black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats... screaming for help. As quickly as they'd come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day... I put a jihad on them.... And if you don't believe it, then you better kill me now... cause I'll put a jihad on you too.
Terrorist: I like you... You have balls. I like balls!


[Gary and four terrorists make their escape in a jeep]
Joe: Shit! I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street!
Spotswoode: Don't let them get away!
Sarah: I sense Gary's trapped inside the tavern.


Joe: One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
Gary Johnston: [waving the distress signal] It's me! It's me!
Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
Chris: Smart-ass motherfucker!


Chris: Surprise, cockfags!
[edit]

Hans Blix in Kim Jong Il's palace

Soldier: Hoi te? Han ching! Pae ja, Hans Brix bo tae so tae ka. [Sir, Hans Blix is here from the United Nations]
Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! [Enter Hans Blix] Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't-have-any-weapons-a-mass-destwuction, 'kay Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, a-breakin' my balls here, Hans, ya breakin' my balls!
Hans Blix: I'm sorry, but the U.N. must be firm with you. Let me see your whole palace, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or else what?
Hans Blix: Or else - we will be very, very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
Kim Jong Il: Okay, I show you, Hans. You'r ready? Stand a rittre to your reft.
[Hans Blix moves to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Rittle more.
[Hans Blix moves further to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Gewd.
[Hans Blix falls into a trap and is subsequently attacked by sharks.]
Kim Jong Il: There you go, Hans Brix. How you rike that, you fucking cocksucker!
[Hans Blix struggles to escape the sharks in vain]
Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how fuckin busy I am, Hans Brix? Werr, Fuck you! You want inspection? Werr, inspect that! You butt-fucking piece of shit! What, you think I'm just a petty arms dealer? I'm pwanning the attack! Congratulations Team America, you have stopped nothing...
[edit]

Cairo Mission Celebration

Chris: You might have all the others fooled, but not me. Your acting was reckless, and it put us all in danger. The next time you pull a stunt like that, I'll drill two holes through your dick so that when you pee, it shoots out in all different directions! You got it?


Gary Johnston: We were all out at the zoo one day. I was doing some acting, walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit. I fell in. Everyone screamed and Tommy jumped in after me, forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket. The gorillas just went wild. They jumped all over his body and... threw him around like a rag doll to get to those blueberries. One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla who, tossed him to another... Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help but it was too late. The gorillas... beat him to death, before the zookeepers could gas them all. My acting... got my brother killed. I got to live with that, every single day.
Lisa: Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did.


Lisa: God, I'm so confused! It's too soon to be having feelings for you.
Gary Johnston: Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them.


Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: [looks her in the eyes] I promise I'll never die!


[Song: Only a woman]
[Lisa rides Gary] Only a woman, can [Lisa's feet in Gary's face] brighten up my day,
[Gary takes lisa from behind]Only a woman, can touch me the right [Lisa gives Gary a blowjob] way, yeah!
Only a woman, [Lisa rides Gary backwards] is allowed to [Lisa rides Gary normally, top-view] touch me there,
All I ask is that [Gary rims Lisa] you're a woman!
[A sequence depicting a wide diversity of sexual acts ensues]
[edit]

The Empire strikes back

[The terrorists have bombed the Panama Canal]
Sarah: But... how can that be? Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.
Spottswoode: It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. was wrong about the Chechens being in charge. [turns towards the machine] That was bad, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Very bad intelligence.
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: I'm sorry.


Spottswoode: Team, if the Derka-derkistanis have weapons of mass destruction, I'm afraid it could be nine-eleven... times a thousand.
Sarah: Jesus, you mean...?
Spottswoode: Yes. Nine hundred, and eleven thousand.
Chris: Well, then forget all these assholes! We have work to do!
Spottswoode: Yes! Let's get Gary valmorphanized so we can use his acting!


Spottswoode: Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America".
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: [pause] Yes there is.


Spottswoode: Je - sus - Tit - ty - fuck - ing! .....CHRIIIIIIST!!!


Sarah: We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E! I repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E,!


[Sarah's plane is crashing]
Sarah: I sense I'm going down.


[Kim Jong Il brings up the Middle Eastern terrorists on a large viewscreen]
Kim Jong Il: Okay: who brew up Panama Canal?
Terrorist: We were angry about Cairo.
Kim Jong Il: Goddammit, how many times I have to tew you? You don't use the WMDs until you see the signal! I have worked ten years on this pran! It is a very pwecise, and a compricated pran! I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up!! Now take the weapons where I told you and wait for the goddamn signal this time! Goodbye!! [flicks the screen off] Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more peopre interrigent, rike me?:
[Song: Ronery]


[Gary is drinking his depression away]
Gary Johnston: I'm a dick!
Drunk guy: Well, being a dick ain't so bad. See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just wanna fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because... pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also-fuck-assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit! [Gary pukes]


[Chris is experiencing some electro-torture at the hands of a Korean guard]
Chris: [gazes upon his torturer] I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Kim Jong Il: You're not in a position to kill anyone, my red-write-and brue-friend.
Lisa: So you're the bastard planning nine-eleven times a thousand.
Kim Jong Il: Nooo, you think so small. You see, I'm about to have an eraborate peace ceremony. And while all the world's most important people are distracted here, I will detonate the WMDs, which I have given to terrrice... awr around the grobe. [looks down on Sarah] It will be nine-eleven times... two thousand three hundred and fifty six!
Chris: My God... That's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!!

Kim Jong il: You are da rast of a dying breed...the fwag-waving American. Well, your wittle dweam will soon be over.

[edit]

Gary's return

[Gary walks through a ruined Team Base]
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: [slightly distorted] Greatings Mr. Johnston.
Gary Johnston: What the hell happened?
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel.


Spottswoode: There's nobody left to stop Kim Jong Il.
Gary Johnston: Let me go.
Spottswoode: You? You're a buttfucking quitter! You walked out, Gary. The team went on a mission without you, and without an actor they were like pigs to the slaughter! I'm supposed to leave the fate of the world in your hands?
Gary Johnston: I know I walked out, but I do anything to take it back. Please, just let me help!


Gary Johnston: Please how can I make you trust me?
Spottswoode: I remember the first day we met. You were a simple broadway actor, afraid to get in my limo, because you thought I wanted you to perform oral sex on me. Do you remember that?
Gary Johnston: Yeah...
Spottswoode: And now the tables are turned, and I don't know if I can trust you.
Gary Johnston: Just... give me a chance.
Spottswoode: All right. I'll trust you! But only if you... will perform oral sex on me.
Gary Johnston: What?
Spottswoode: Right here, right now!
Gary Johnston: You can't be serious.
Spottswoode: I am serious. Look! [points at face] This is my serious face.
Gary Johnston: What will that prove?
Spottswoode: [enraged] It wil prove that you are truly ready to lay everything on the line. To throw away all your inhibitions, and give one hundred percent! We must go back to that first night we met, that first issue of trust. Don't you see?
Gary Johnston: No, I thought you weren't gay!
Spottswoode: This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust! It's the eye of the needle, Gary, and we must both pass through it. [long pause] Ok. Let's do it. [drops pants] I'll make sure nobody's watching. [looks around] Ok....... Go!!!
[elaborate off-screen blowjob with majestic music]
Spottswoode: You are dedicated! Now let's go get cleaned up. If you're going to storm Kim Jong Ils palace singlehanded, we have to make you a complete soldier in very little time!
Gary Johnston: How're we gonna do that?
Spottswoode: [Montage song fades in]I think I know just what we need.
[edit]

Team America make their way to the theatre

[Gary - wearing a hooded cloak - approaches the gate of Kim Jong Ils palace to rescue his team mates who have been frozen in carbonite, the music resembles John Williams in his finest hour]
Guard: Who the hell you?
Gary Johnston: [waves hand, speaks with soothing deep booming voice] I'm with the Film Actors Guild, here to help with the broadcast.
Guard: Then you show credentials!
Gary Johnston: [performs the mind-trick once more] Hey, you don't need to see my credentials. I left them at home, and I'm running late!
Other Guard: I berieve him
Guard: Yeah, me too! [...] Have nice day.
[cut to Team Base]
Spottswoode: By God. His acting is better than ever!


Martin Sheen and Tim Robbins are playing chess]
Joe: Please, mister Sheen, mister Robbins: you don't understand what Kim Jong Il is doing.
Martin Sheen: Shuddup! We have explicit instructions to watch you.
Tim Robbins: Yeah, we're supposed to be guarrrds!
Martin Sheen: We're guarrds.
Tim Robbins: We're guarrrds, huh? We're guarrrrds!
Martin Sheen: We're guarrrrds!


Chris: Well, I am not going anywhere with this [lays hands on Gary] fuckin' traitor!
Joe: Yeah! What makes you think we'll take you back, you douchebag?!
Chris: We're doing this without you!
Spottswoode: Now hold on team, Gary has already proven to me, that he is one hundred percent committed to the team. He proved it last night by sucking my cock!
[for a brief moment, the team gaze at Gary a little suspiciously]
Joe: Uhright! Come on, team, we gotta find that stage!


Kim Jong Il: And now you see: da new world is inebidable!
Lisa: It's what?
Kim Jong Il: Ineb - inebidable.
Lisa: One more time...
Kim Jong Il: Inebidable!! Tings awr inebedably going to change! God dammit, open your fuckin' eaws!


Sean Penn: Qapla!
All assembled actors: Qapla!
Tim Robbins: [touting a machinegun] I swear they won't reach the stage!


[The team are suddenly sprayed with bullets]
Joe: Jeez!
Chris: Wadda we got?
Joe: Looks like Liv Tyler and George Clooney at twenty yards!
Sarah: Look out! Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo!
[Gary kills Liv Tyler and George Clooney with a single hand grenade, beheading the latter]
Chris: Drop your weapons! [shoots Ethan Hawke]
Janeane Garofalo: Fucking die! [Gets her head valmorphanized slightly]


[Gary and Chris stumble onto a tied-up Susan Sarandon]
Susan Sarandon: Oh thank God. We have to stop the ceremony, Kim Jong Il is mad! Here, let me loose. I will show you where the theatre is.
Chris: Alright.
Gary Johnston: No Chris, stay away from her!
Chris: Fuck you, she wants to help us!
Gary Johnston: No.. Chris... She's acting.
[Chris looks puzzled]
Susan Sarandon: I am not! The others tied me up because I wouldn't go along with their plans!
Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: [Screaming like Mr. Garrison] You shall die a peasant's death!
[Susan Sarandon produces two Uzis from behind her back. Gary engages her and forces her backwards. She plummets down to a gooey death]
Chris: Jesus Titty-fucking Christ. I... could've sworn she was telling the truth.
Gary Johnston: That's why they call it acting!


[As a little boy, when Chris saw Cats, he was allowed backstage]
Chris: When I got there, they were drunk and outta control. Rumpuscat and McCavity kept feeling up my leg. I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer held me down 'n... I was raped by Mister Mistoffelees!


Chris: If there's still a world left when this is all over, I'd love to buy you a beer.


[Tim Robbins kicks Gary down and Martin Sheen strikes Chris with a adjustable wrench]
Tim Robbins: Actors Out!!
[Actors drop from above one by one stating their name]
Helen Hunt: Helen Hunt!
Samuel L. Jackson: Samuel Jackson!
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Samuel L. Jackson: [Kicks Gary while he's still down] Motherfucker!


Kim Jong Il: I'm afraid your world is over! [presses the button to set of the WMD's] in five minutes! [Countdown timer appears] Yes! [breaking the fourth wall triumphantly] The ticking crock!!


Tim Robbins: Don't fucking move! [Everyone turns to Tim Robbins] Now isn't that a shame. you came so close to stopping peace, but you see: peace - always - finds - a way. Goodbye Team America!
Chris: I've just got one piece of bad news for you, Robbins.
Tim Robbins: What's that?
Chris: I'm a smoker! [Flicks ciggarette at Tim Robbins who subsequently dies a screaming death amidst the flames.]
[edit]

The fall of Kim Jong Il (onto a spike)

Lisa: Come on, Gary: you've got to act fast!


[Gary Johnston is pelted with rotten tomatoes]
Alec Baldwin: [To Gary] You cant out-act me, boy: don't even try it! [to audience] For the truth is: Team America fights for the billion-dollar corporations. They are just as bad as the enemies... they... [dramatic pause] fight. [applause]
Gary Johnston: Oh, no, we are'nt! We're dicks! [surprise from audience] We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild... are pussies. And Kim Jong Il... is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks - also - fuck - assholes... assholes who just wanna shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole... is a dick... with some balls. The problem with dicks is, sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate...
Spottswoode: Yes, Gary, yes!
Gary Johnston: ...and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are only an inch and half away from assholes. [music of awe] I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know: If you don't let us fuck - this - asshole, we're going to have our dicks and our pussies [music hesitates] all covered in shit! [music of more awe and triumph. applause fades in]


Kim Jong Il: You are worthress Arec Bawwin! [shoots Alec Baldwin]


Kim Jong Il: Don't fucking move! [crowd stops]You were all going to be treated to a fablous show but now party's over! For I am the great Kim Jong Il!
Gary Johnston: [seeing Lisa] Lisa! [runs off]
Kim Jong Il: And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have lived!! [Lisa slides towards Kim Jong Il]
Lisa: Terrorize this. [kicks over the balcony. He falls onto the enlarged spike on an old style German military hat]


Lisa to Gary: You had me at "dicks fuck assholes".


Spottswoode: Let me 'xplain to you, the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact; a bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated... that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth. [applause]


Chris: I hate to break this little party, but there are still a lot of bad guys out there.
Gary Johnston: Er-well, then let's show the bad guys the police are back in force!
Lisa: Fuck yeah.
Gary Johnston: Fuck yeah.
[Song: America, fuck yeah]
[edit]

Repeated lines

  • Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am?
  • Lisa: Sometimes believing is all we have. [stated in various ways]
  • Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
  • Empath: I sense... [The obvious or erroneous]
  • Lisa: Terrorize this!
  • Both Lisa and Sarah: I treasure your friendship.
  • 9/11 times ... [various characters]
  • Dicks, pussy's and assholes [diversly permuted by Gary and another drunk]
  • [The words "act" and "acting" used in various novel ways.]
  • valmorphanize [label on (around) buttons, said by various characters.
  • valmorification [used by Lisa & Spottswoode].
[edit]

Songs

[edit]

Everyone has AIDS

[Gary Johnston stars in "Lease", the musical]
Choir: Everyone has AIDS
AIDS AIDS AIDS
AIDS AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS AIDS
Everyone has AIDS
Gary Johnstson: [sprechgesang]
And so this is the end of our story
and everyone is dead from AIDS
It took from me my best friend,
my only true pal, [The people in the audience are moved to tears]]
my only bright star.
Background Vocalist: He died of AIDS
Gary Johnstson:
Well I'm gonna march on Washington
Lead the fight and charge the brigades [Spottswoode looking pensively]
There's a hero inside of all of us
I'll make them see everyone has AIDS.
[Spottswoode looks at Gary Johnstons confidential file]
Gary Johnstson: My father [Choir interjects AIDS!], My sister [Choir: AIDS!],
My Uncle and my cousin and her best friend
Choir: AIDS AIDS AIDS!
Gary Johnstson: The gays and the straights and the whites and the spades
Everyone has AIDS!!
Gary Johnstson: [A little faster]
My Grandma and my dog ol' Blue
Choir: AIDS AIDS AIDS [People in the audience are swinging enthousiastically]
Gary Johnstson: The pope has got it and so do you
Choir: AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS [Spottswoode still looking pensively]
Gary Johnstson: :Come on everybody we got quilting to do
Choir: AIDS AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS
We're gonna break down these barricades, everyone has,
All: AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS,
[A little off-beat] AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS! [Standing ovation, aplause & cheering]
[edit]

America, Fuck Yeah!

Main article with sample: America, Fuck Yeah

[First time. (flying out of Mount Rushmore)]
Choir: Ame-eri-icaaaaa, Ame-eri-icaaaaa...
Soloist: America, fuck yeah! Com'again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!
'Merica, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah!
Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to
'Merica, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls!
'Merica, fuck yeah!


[Second time (driving out of the helicopter)]
Choir: Ame-eri-icaaaaa...
Soloist: America, fuck yeah! Com'again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!
'Merica, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah!
[Chris presses the valmorphanize button] It's the dream that we all share. [Weapon systems appear] It's the hope for tomorroooo-o-o-ow.


[Sad version after Gary left the team. (flying out of Mount Rushmore)]
Soloist: America, fuck yeah! Comin' again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!
'Merica, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah!
Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to
America, fuck yeah! 'Merica, fuck...
[edit]

I'm so Ronery

Kim Jong Il: I'm so Ronery
So ronery
So ronery and sadry arone
There no one
Just me onry
Sitting on my rittle throne
I work reary hard and make up great prans
but nobody ristens no one understands
Seems rike no one takes me serirousry
And so, I'm ronery
A rittle ronery
Poor rittle me
There's nobody I can rerate to
Feewl rike a bird in a cage
It's kinda sirry
but, not rearry
because, it's fiwring my body with rage
I'm the smartest, most cwever, most physicry fit
but, nobody else seems to rerarise it
When I change the world maybe they'll notice me
And until then, I just be ronery
Yeah, rittle ronery
Poor rittle me...
I'm so ronery.
[edit]

The end of an act

Gary Johnston: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that's an awful lot, girl.
And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say,
is: Pearl Harbor sucked... and I miss you.
I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school,
He was terrible in that film.
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part,
He's way better than Ben Affleck.
And now, all I can think about is your smile,
and that shitty movie, too!
Pearl Harbor sucked... and I miss you.
Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss... you.
[edit]

Montage

Singer: Ha!... [Gary at the shooting range] The hour's approaching to give it your best
[Gary physical training] And you've got to reach your prime
[Gary and Spottswoode in the dojo] That's when you need to put yourself to the test
And [Gary in some gyro-device] show us the passage of time
We're gonna need a montage [Weight lifting]
Choir: Montage!!
Singer: Ooh, [Reading "An actor prepares"] it takes a montage
Choir: Montage!!
Singer: [Gyro] Show lot of things [German representative reads his invitation] hap'nin' at once
Remind everyone of what's goin' on
Choir: What's goin' on!!
[Dojo] And with every shot, [Shooting] show a little improvement
To show it will all would take too long
That's [Weight Lifting] called a montage [Dojo]
Choir: Montage!!
Singer: Girl, we wanna montage
Choir: Montage!! [Japanese representative reads his invitation]
Singer: In anything, if you want to go
From just a beginner to a pro [Joe smokes from electro-torture]
You need a montage
Choir: Montage!!
Singer: [Kim Jong Il and Alec Baldwin shake hands] Even Rocky had a montage
Always [Gary defeats Spottswoode in the Dojo] fade out in a montage [Gary blasts the bulls eye out of the target]
[fade out]] If you fade out [Spottswoode gives thumbs up] it seems like more time has passed in a montage...
[edit]

Kim Jong Il - You are worthless

Note: This song is played near the end of the credits on the DVD. This has been confirmed on the UK PAL and the US NTSC DVD. It may have also been present in the theatrical release.

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from planet Gyron to conquer da earth,
I had a twiffic pwan, I fought it'd work,
Tried to get the earfrings to kill each other you see,
But it all went wrong and now I must decwee -
You are worthwess Alec Baldwin,
You are worthwess Alec Baldwin,
You failed in evwy way and now my stock in you has fallen,
Your career is stallin' and,
You're worthwess Alec Baldwin,
That's why I bwew your head of and your children are all bawrin'.
Planet Gyron is inhabited with Xypods like me,
But also with Balmaks who are giant bees,
Xypods and the Balmaks are at constant war,
So we wanted a new home and that's what earth was for,
But you are worthwess Alec Baldwin,
You are worthwess Alec Baldwin,
You fucked up my whole pwan and now Gyron is smeared with Balmak powwen,
Your garbage needs some hauwin' and,
You're worthwess Alec Baldwin,
Now I must return home a faiwiure,
I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is calling.
[edit]

Miscellanea

Spottswoode: You're going to fool everyone, Gary. Or should I say, Hakmed
Joe: Cairo... That's in Egypt.
Gary: [irritated and barking] I said get away from me!! I'm completely lost! I've hit rock bottom!
Woman at Window: Get out of the street, you fucking bum! [Gary stumbles against some trash near a bin] You gave up on life, didn't ya?!
Joe: Shit! I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street!
Chechen Leader: [to Gary] I like you. You have balls. I like balls.
Chechen Terrorist: [to Chechen Leader] I love your balls!
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Lisa: Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did.
Liv Tyler: If we focus our acting on global politics, we can change everything and stuff.
George Clooney: We've all done action films. If anyone tries to get in our way, we'll show 'em just how tough us actors really are.
Spottswoode: This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust!!
Spottswoode: Now hold on, team. Gary has already proven to me that he is one hundred percent commited to the team. He proved it last night by sucking my cock!
Spottswoode: Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth.
[edit]

See also

[edit]

External links

Wikipedia has an article about:


Wikiquote links: People - Literary Works - Proverbs - Films - TV Shows - Themes - Categories
Retrieved from "http://www.billionquotes.com/index.php/Team_America:_World_Police"
Personal tools