The Big Lebowski

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The Big Lebowski is a 1998 film written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen starring Jeff Bridges as the Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski, an amiable slacker drawn into a Chandleresque plot involving the missing wife of a millionaire namesake. Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Sam Elliott and Coen regulars John Goodman, John Turturro, and Steve Buscemi are also featured. [1]

1 Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski
2 Walter Sobchak
3 The Mysterious Stranger
4 Others
5 Dialogue
6 See Also
7 External links

[edit]

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That or His Dudeness... Duder... or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing...
(After being drugged) All the dude ever wanted... was his rug back.
Shit, I know that guy. He's a nihilist. Karl Hungus...
Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man!
Mind if I do a J?
[On the phone to Walter] Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack! Well That's you opinion. You know, you're right, Walter, there is an unspoken message here. It's [Shouting] "FUCK YOU, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" [Calm, resigned] Yeah, I'll see you at practice.
[The Dude's last words in the film]The Dude abides.
No, you're not wrong, Walter, you're just an ASSHOLE!

[edit]

Walter Sobchak

Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.
Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism; at least it's an ethos!
Donny, you're out of your element!
Shut the fuck up Donny!
Life does not start and stop at your convenience you miserable piece of shit.
Smokey, this is not Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.
If you mark that frame an '8', you are entering a world of pain. (Pulls out a gun) A world... of pain.
(shouting, and holding a gun) Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one here who gives a shit about the rules?
Lets not forget Dude, that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
Eight year olds, Dude. Eight year olds.
Whoo, allright! Way to go Donny!
Do you see what happens Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?

[edit]

The Mysterious Stranger

[Opening lines] Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here - the Dude from Los Angeles. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. The Dude, from Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.
One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you.
Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
[To camera] 'The Dude abides'. Dunno about you, but I take comfort in those words. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.
I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself.
[Last line of the movie] Say, friend - you got any more of that good sarsaparilla?

[edit]

Others

Fuck! - [Along with its variants, spoken 398 times in the film]
Answering Machine: "Mr Lebowski, this is Bill Salinger of the Southern Cal bowling league. We received an, uh, an informal complaint that a member of your team - a Walter Sobchak? - drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's by-laws and also article 27..."
Donny: Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
Nihilist #3: [Whilst making threatening moves toward the Dude] I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck... [Is smacked in the face with a radio before he can do anything]
Da Fino: Let me tell ya something - I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody - just fabulous stuff.

[edit]

Dialogue

Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're going to fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes "click".

The Dude: Jesus.

Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

The Dude: Fuck the tournament, and fuck you, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: (shocked) Fuck the tournament?

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...

The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. Your roll.

The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude.

The Dude: And what's that?

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?

The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?

The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.

Bunny Lebowski: Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist.

The Dude: Oh, that must be exhausting.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: [Extremely forced]Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. We're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred

Brandt: Ha ha! Thats Marvelous.

The Dude: (being led away by Brant) I'm just gonna go find a cash machine...

Donny: They posted the schedule...

Walter: When do we play?

Donny: Saturday.

Walter: I told that fuck at the office... who's in charge of scheduling?

Donny: Berkalter.

Walter: I told that Kraut a thousand times I don't roll on Shabbos!

The Dude: Walter what are we going to do about the girl, MAN!

Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday's Walter?

Walter: Saturday, Donny, is the Jewish day of rest. I don't cook, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn the oven on, and I sure as shit DON'T FUCKING ROLL! Shomer Shabbos!

Donny: Ghheess...

The Dude: Walter...

Walter: Shomer fucking Shabbos!

The Dude: Aw, fuck it!

The Dude: Man I got certain information, alright? Certain things have come to light.. and.. aah. you know.. aa.. has it ever occurred to you.. aa.. that instead of.. aah.. instead of running around.. aah.. blaming me.. given the nature of all this new shit.. you know this could be.. aah-lot more aah ahh complex.. I mean its not just.. I mean it might not just be such a simple ah.. aah.. you know?

The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you blathering about?

The Dude: I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers [The Big Lebowski glares, shocked] and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you? Sir?

The Big Lebowski: [After a calculated pause] No, Mister Lebowski...That had not occurred to me.

Brandt: That had NOT occurred to us, Dude.

Walter: Fucking dog has fucking papers... [Smokey bowls his shot] OVER THE LINE!

Smokey: What?

Walter: I'm sorry Smokey, your toe was over the line, that's a foul. Mark it zero, next frame.

Smokey: Bull-shit. Gimme the pen Dude, I'm marking an eight.

Walter: Smokey, this is not Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Walter, it's Smokey man, so his toe slipped over a little...

Walter: I'm sorry Smokey, this is a league game, does this game not determine who enters the next round robin?

Smokey: Gimme the pen Dude, I'm marking it an eight.

Walter: Smokey my friend, you are entering a world of pain. [Reaching into bowling bag, producing a pistol] If you mark that frame an eight you are entering a world of pain.

Smokey: [Stammering] I'm not...

Walter: A world...of pain.

The Dude: Walter, man...

Smokey: Dude, I, well...

Walter: [Standing up, ranting] HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?! AM I THE ONLY PERSON AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES?! MARK IT ZERO!!

[Cynthia's dog barks loudly]

The Dude: [Resigned] Walter man, they're callin' the cops man, put the piece away...

Smokey: [Stammering] Dude, he's your partner...

Walter: [Cocking pistol] YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE MARK IT ZERO!

The Dude: Walter, put the piece away...

Smokey: [Frantically changing the score] There, it's fucking zero! Are you happy, you crazy fuck?!

Walter: [Sitting back down]... It's a league game, Smokey.

The Big Lebowski': Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man?

The Dude: Sure. That and a pair of testicles.

The Big Lebowski: You're joking, but perhaps you're right.

Maude: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Is that what this is a picture of?

Maude: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

The Dude: Oh yeah?

Maude: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "Johnson".

The Dude: "Johnson"?

The Dude: You brought the fucking Pomeranian bowling?

Walter: What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. It's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.

Walter: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

The Dude: Fucking A, man.

The Dude: Right, but let me explain something to you about the rug...

Maude: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Excuse me?

Maude: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?

The Dude: I was talking about my rug...

Maude: You don't like sex?

The Dude: You mean...coitus?

Maude: I like it too. It's a male myth about us feminists that we hate sex. I find it to be a natural and zesty enterprise.

Walter: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.

Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?

Walter: Come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! We gonna split hairs here?

Walter: And let's not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife...uh...an amphibious rodent... for, uh, domestic, you know, within the city limits... That ain't legal either.

The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?!

Walter: No, I'm...

The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot?!

Walter: We're sympathizing here, Dude.

The Dude: Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson!

Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?

(Inside cab: The song "Peaceful Easy Feeling" by The Eagles is playing. Dude is holding an icepack to his head. )

The Dude: Jesus, man, can you change the station?

Cab Driver: (A large Black man, shown from back seat POV) Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab!

The Dude: I've had a--

Cab Driver: I'll pull over and kick your ass out, man!

The Dude: I've had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man...

Cab Driver: That's it! Outta this fucking cab!

(Driver brings the cab to a screeching halt, steps out, and pulls The Dude out of the back seat, then screeches away just as quickly)

Quintana: What's this "day of rest" shit?!

(Walter looks at him innocently.)

Quintana: What's this bullshit?! I don't fucking care! It don't matter to Jesus! But you don't fool me! You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus! It's bush league psych-out stuff! Laughable, man! [Forced laugh] I would've fucked you in the ass Saturday. I'll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead! Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

Walter: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. And he was an avid bowler. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

(Walter opens the coffee can and shakes the ashes out, the wind blows them back in the Dude's face. The Dude stands, frozen.)

Walter: (looks back at the Dude, now covered in Donny's ashes) Oh shit, Dude, I'm sorry. God damn wind. Fuck. (brushing the ashes off)

The Dude: (Exploding, slaps Walter's hands away) GOD DAMN IT WALTER! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

Walter: Shit, Dude, I'm sorry!

The Dude: Everything's a FUCKING TRAVESTY with you, man!

Walter: Look, Dude, I'm sorry! It was an accident!

The Dude: And what was all that shit about Vietnam?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANYTHING HAVE TO DO WITH VIETNAM?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

The Dude: Walter, you can't do that. These guys, you know are like me, they're pacifists. Smokey was a conscientious objector.

Walter: You know Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course...

The Dude: And you know he's got emotional problems man!

Walter: You mean... beyond pacifism?

The Dude: He's fragile, very fragile.

Walter: I did not know that.

Waitress: Could you please keep your voices down--this is a family restaurant.

Walter: Oh, please dear! I've got news for you: the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint...

The Dude: Walter, this isn't a First Amendment thing.

Walter: Come on man, these are basic freedoms. This effects all of us!

Waitress: Sir, if you don't calm down I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Walter: Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the muck so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

(Walter and The Dude are interrogating a kid they believe has their money, who isn't saying a thing)

Walter: Allright, I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. Larry, you might want to take a look at that Corvette out there. Son, this is what happens when you FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!!!

(As Walter walks out of the house)

Walter: Fucking language problem, Dude. Little prick stonewalling me.

(Walter pulls a crowbar out of The Dude's trunk)

The Dude: Walter, what are you doing man?

Walter: Maybe he'll understand this. YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS! HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!

(As Walter begins to smash a red Corvette outside Larry's house with Larry watching out the window; suddenly Larry's next door neighbour rushes out, screaming and crying)

Next Door Neighbour: My car! My baby! What the fuck are you doing, man?! STOP IT!!!

(Neighbour takes the crowbar away from Walter)

Neighbour: (as Walter is trying to apologize/explain) I JUST BOUGHT THIS FUCKING CAR LAST WEEK! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! I JUST BOUGHT THE FUCKING CAR LAST WEEK! I KILL YOUR FUCKING CAR, MAN!

(Neighbour stomps over to The Dude's car)

The Dude: Wait, wait, that's not his...

(Neighbour starts smashing The Dude's car)

The Dude: ...car.

Neighbour: You like that?! Fuck you! You like that, man? Fuck you! I KILL YOU FUCKING CAR, MAN! I KILL YOU FUCKING CAR!

Donnelly: That is for the urn.

Walter: Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes.

Donnelly: Yes, so we were informed. However, we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle.

Walter: This is a hundred and eighty dollars.

Donnelly: Yes sir. It is our most modestly priced receptacle.

The Dude: Well can we--

Walter: A hundred and eighty dollars?!

Donnelly: They range up to three thousand.

Walter: Yeah, but we're--

The Dude: Can we just rent it from you?

Donnelly: Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house.

Walter: We're scattering the fucking ashes!

The Dude: Walter--

Walter: JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MAKE US SAPS!

Donnelly: Sir, please lower your voices.

The Dude: Man, don't you have, you know, something, uh, else we can put him in? You know?

Donnelly: It is our most modestly priced recepticle.

The Dude: GODAMMIT! (pause) Is there a Ralph's around here?

(In the next scene Walter is carrying a Folger's Coffee can with Donny's ashes inside.)

Walter: Huh? Oh, him, yeah. Well I don't see, um-- what exactly is the problem?

[The portable phone stops ringing.]

The Dude: Huh? The problem is--what do you mean what's the--there's no--we didn't-- they're gonna kill that poor woman--

[while dunking the Dude's head in the toilet]

Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?

The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.

Walter: Am I wrong?

The Dude: No, you're not--

Walter: Am I wrong?

The Dude: No, Walter, you're not wrong, you're just an asshole!

Walter: Okay, then.

Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski. You don't draw shit. We got a nice quiet beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off -- do I make myself clear?

[Pause]

The Dude: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

[Police chief throws coffee mug, hitting The Dude in the head]

The Dude: OW! Fucking fascist!

[Police chief knocks The Dude's chair over]

Malibu Police Chief: STAY OUT OF MALIBU LEBOWSKI!

[Police chief kicks The Dude while he's on the ground]

The Dude: Ow...

Malibu Police Chief: STAY OUT OF MALIBU, DEADBEAT! Keep your ugly, fucking, gold-bricking ass out of my beach community.

Hired Thug: (pulls The Dude's bowling ball out of his bag and stares at it) What the fuck is this?

The Dude: Obviously, you're not a golfer.

Pornstar on T.V: Are you here to fix the cable?

Maude: Lord...you can imagine where it goes from here?

The Dude: He fixes the cable?

Maude: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey. Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career in pornography, nor that she has been "banging" Jackie Treehorn, to use the parlance of our times. However. I am one of two trustees of the Lebowski Foundation, the other being my father. The Foundation takes youngsters from Watts and--

The Dude: (interrupting Maude) Shit, yeah, the achievers.

Maude: Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them.

The Big Lebowski: Start talking and talk fast, you bum.

Brandt: We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.

The Big Lebowski: Where's my goddamn money, you bum?!

The Dude: Well, well, we... I, I, I don't...

The Big Lebowski: They did not receive the money you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!

Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.

Donny: Are these guys gonna hurt us, Walter?

Walter: No Donny, there's nothing to worry about, these men are cowards.

The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.

The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?

The Dude: Well... yeah.

The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.

Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.

The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.

[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]

The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.

Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.

Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.

Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.

The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!

[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you up.

Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.

The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.

Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.

Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!

Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!

Nihilist #2: [Whining] Iss not fair!

Walter Sobchak: FAIR?! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILISTS HERE!! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?!

The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.

Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.

[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]

Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.

Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.

Walter Sobchak: [Deadly quiet] Fuck you.

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.

Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?

The Dude: My rug.

Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!

The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: [Increasing aggression] What the fuck are you talking about?! The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... [Suddenly calm again] Also, dude, 'chinaman' is not the preferred nomenclature. 'Asian-American', please.

The Dude: Jeez, Walter, I'm not talking about the guys who built the fucking railroad here.

[when making the payoff]

The Dude: Dude.

Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?

The Dude: Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?

Nihilist: Us?

The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!

[to Nihilist]

The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.

Nihilist: Shut the fuck up.

Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up?

Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?

The Dude: That is the driver.

[Nihilist hangs up]

The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!

Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...

Donny: I am the walrus.

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...

Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch...

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.

Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

The Dude: Yeah.

Walter Sobchak: No, really, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

The Dude: Oh!

Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

[Explaining the Big Lebowski's scheme]

The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?

Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...

The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!

Walter Sobchak: So how is this an emergency?

The Dude: What?

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...

The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?!

The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Walter Sobchak: And you know this!

The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?

The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.

Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax... [shouting]You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!

The Dude: We dropped off the damn money...

The Big Lebowski: We?

The Dude: I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...

The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?

[the Dude walks out and shuts the door]

The Big Lebowski: The bums will always lose!

Brandt: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.

Da Fino: I'm a Brother Seamus!

The Dude: A Brother Seamus? What... like an Irish monk?

Da Fino: ...What the fuck are you talking about?

Da Fino: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to... you know, work together on this, you know what I mean?

The Dude: Yeah, I know what you mean. Fuck off, Da Fino. And stay away from my special lady - I mean, lady friend.

Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Look, man...

Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Just ask him about the car.

Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Is that your car out front?

Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?

Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...

Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

The Dude: And the fucking money.

Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.

The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.

Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!

The Dude: Look, nothing is fucked, here, man.

The Big Lebowski: Nothing is fucked?! The god damn plane has crashed into the mountain!

The Dude: Just take it easy man.

Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm, Dude.

The Dude: [Shouting] Yeah, waving the fucking gun around?!

Walter Sobchak: [Smugly] I'm calmer than you are, Dude.

The Dude: Will you just take it easy?

Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.

Walter Sobchak: And look at it this way Dude, who's got a million fucking dollars in their trunk? Huh?

The Dude: Their trunk?

Walter Sobchak: Who's got a million fucking dollars in their fucking car? And whadda they got? My dirty undies... [Aghast, seeing something out of camera]my fucking whites...

[The Dude's car is gone]

Walter Sobchak: Dude, where's your car?

The Dude: Fuck...

Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.

The Dude: [Bitterly resigned] You fucking know its been stolen.

Donny: Who's got your undies Walter?

[The Dude begins to walk off as the portable phone is constantly ringing]

Donny: Where you goin', Dude?

The Dude: [Weary beyond hope] I'm going home, Donny.

Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.

The Dude: Thank you, Donnie.

Walter: So where's the drop-off?