UHF

From BillionQuotes

UHF is a 1989 film about a hapless dreamer who suddenly becomes in charge of a rinky-dink UHF television station and turns it into the most popular channel in town.

Directed by Jay Levey. Written by Weird Al Yankovic and Jay Levey.

Starring: "Weird Al" Yankovic, David Bowe, Fran Dresher, Victoria Jackson, Michael Richards, and Kevin McCarthy.

Contents 1 George 2 Stanley 3 Conversations 4 Taglines

George

• Lesbian, Nazi hookers abducted by UFO's and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!
• Sex with furniture, what do you think?
• Look up! Look down! Now look at mister frying pan!
• Oh, no. What time is it!? [arm with a watch breaks throught the wall, George looks at the watch] Seven THIRTY!?

Stanley

• [Grinning] This is my new mop. George, my friend, he gave me this mop. It's not as good as my first mop, I miss my first mop, but it's still a good mop. ... Because life is like a mop. Sometimes it's full of dirt and crud and stuff, but you've got to clean it out. And sometimes, you've got to really scrub, and if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work...you can't give up. You've got to run a window and yell, "Hey! These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Conversations

Bob: How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.

George: You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.

Bob: George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.

R.J. Fletcher: Do you see anything missing from this desk?

Stanley:[Snapping his finger and pointing] That stapler?

George: Stanley, did you have fun today?

Stanley: Yeah yeah. That was FUN.

George: Great! How would you like to do that every day?

Stanley: Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A SECOND! Do I...still get to be the janitor?

George: [Incredulously] Yeah, sure.

Stanley: It's a DEAL!

One of Fletcher's thugs: [Motioning towards George] Who is this guy?

George: [As Stallone's Rambo] I'm your worst nightmare!

George: I'm going to the bar.

Bob: But you don't drink.

George: Yeah, but I've been meaning to start.

R.J. Fletcher: What's your name?

Stanley: Spodowski, Stanley Spodowski.

Fletcher: [Smiling pleasantly] May I call you Stanley?

Stanley: Okay.

Fletcher: Stanley, YOU'RE FIRED! GET OUT! OUT!

Stanley: Is there anything I can do to help?

George: Not unless you have seventy-five thousand dollars.

Stanley: [While searching carefully through a few crumpled pieces of currency] No, sorry. What's wrong, George?

George: Stanley, you don't want to know.

Stanley: [Looking genuinely puzzled] Why'd I ask?

Taglines

TV as it was meant to be seen. In a movie theater.

A lot of TV stations have forgotten what "quality" means. But not Channel 62. They NEVER knew what it meant.

It's crazy. It's zany. It's hysterical. It's TV according to "Weird Al" Yankovic.