Ultimate X-Men

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Ultimate X-Men is a superhero comic book published by Marvel Comics, which started in 2001.

Contents 1 The Tomorrow People 1.1 Issue 2 1.2 Issue 5 2 Return to Weapon X 3 World Tour 3.1 Issue 16 3.2 Issue 17 4 Hellfire and Brimstone 5 Ultimate War 6 Return of the King 7 Blockbuster 7.1 Issue 35 7.2 Issue 37 8 New Mutants 8.1 Issue 40 9 The Tempest 9.1 Issue 46 9.2 Issue 47 9.3 Issue 48 9.4 Issue 49 10 Cry Wolf 10.1 Issue 50 10.2 Issue 52 10.3 Issue 53 11 The Most Dangerous Game 11.1 Issue 56 12 A Hard Lesson 13 Shock and Awe 14 Magnetic North 14.1 Issue 61 14.2 Issue 62 14.3 Issue 63 14.4 Issue 64 14.5 Issue 65 15 Date Night 15.1 Issue 66 15.2 Issue 67 15.3 Issue 69 16 Ultimate X-Men Annual #1 17 External links

The Tomorrow People

Issue 2

[Jean Grey has just congratulated Wolverine on saving the President's daughter.]

Wolverine: I am thinking of a telepathic red-headed 19-year-old. But she is wasting her time with a loser who brushes his teeth six times a day.

Issue 5

[Magneto has explained his agenda to Cyclops.]

Cyclops: You sound like Adolf Hitler.

Return to Weapon X

World Tour

Issue 16

Opening caption: Land's End, Scotland.

[In our universe, Land's End is in Penwith, Cornwall, England]

Issue 17

Iceman: What the heck are the Welsh?

Betsy Braddock: A quaint, little people just west of England, Iceman. Picture the Scots without the sex appeal or the Irish without the laughs and you've pretty much got them nailed.

Hellfire and Brimstone

Ultimate War

Return of the King

Blockbuster

Issue 35

[Wolverine is being stalked by Weapon X assassins]

Peter Parker: That's who did that to you?

Wolverine: That is who carved me up.

[Peter sees innocent-looking diaper vans.]

Peter Parker: OH MY GOD!! Why are diaper deliverymen trying to kill you?

---

[Wolverine and Spidey have just visited Black Widow]

Spider-Man: She may be the hottest girl I have ever seen in my life, and I have cable!

Issue 37

[Wolverine, Daredevil and Spider-Man are in a barrage of machinegun fire.]

Daredevil: We have to get away from this van!

Spider-Man: Sundance, you go first!

Daredevil: Sundance?

Spider-Man: Nobody gets me.

New Mutants

Issue 40

[Angel has just entered, an Adonis of a man]

Shadowcat: Dibs.

Storm: Stop it, Kitty.

The Tempest

Issue 46

[Angel and Nightcrawler inform Jean-Paul he is a mutant.]

Jean-Paul Beaubier: Great! Sophomore year, I realise I'm gay, and now you're telling me I'm a mutie?

Angel: Um, you may want to live the life for a bit before you start slinging derogatory terms like that, even if you're trying to reappropriate them or whatever.

---

Angel: Jean-Paul, we've been sent to invite you to the Xavier Institute for Gifted Children, a school in Westchester created by and for our kind.

Jean-Paul Beaubier: "Our kind?" God, you people are worse than my mom. As soon as I came out of the closet, she to make me enroll at Harvey Milk.

Angel: I'm sorry?

Jean-Paul Beaubier: It's this "special" high school just for gay kids, where we can supposedly get get an education without being harrased by idiots. But you know what? I'd rather get called homo ten times a day than.. than segregate myself from the rest of society.

Nightcrawler: This is different, mein freund. It may not be safe for you here.

Jean-Paul Beaubier: And your school will be? Didn't one of your classmates just get murdered?

Issue 47

Jean Grey: I am an X-Man... and save the sex-change jokes.

---

[Jean Grey and Colossus witness Jean-Paul Beaubier awake. Beaubier is openly gay.]

Jean Grey: Jean-Paul, this is Piotr.

Jean-Paul Beaubier: Is... he... single?

[Colossus is so shocked that he turns into his metal form.]

Issue 48

[On being called "Marvel Girl"]

Jean Grey: I outgrew that handle two bra-sizes ago.

Issue 49

[Sinister is rolling the wheelchair of Professor X away.]

Professor X: Where are you taking me?

Sinister: To the one enemy of the great Charles Xavier.

[Sinister pushes the wheelchair down the stairs.]

Sinister: Stairs.

Cry Wolf

Issue 50

[Heavily-pierced Dazzler is flirting with Colossus]

Dazzler: Seriously, what's up with you? I'm smoking hot, and I have a thing for strange accents. Why don't you make out with me?

Colossus: You have more metal in your skin than I have. We would scrape.

---

[Seeing a board advertising the sideshow "Wolfsbane, half-wolf, half-woman!"]

Storm: I am going in there. She is being exploited!

Wolverine: Maybe she is exploiting them?

[They peek around the corner. Wolfsbane is sharing a happy dinner with her obviously mutated friends.]

Wolverine: Everybody’s a freak to somebody. You just gotta find your tribe and try to do right by them. But if it makes you feel better, we could storm the ticket booth and eviscerate a few carnies for her.

Storm: [kisses Logan] You are sweet.

Issue 52

[Angel is talking about Fenris, aka Andrea and Andreas von Strucker]

Angel: Nobody knows whether they are married... or siblings.

Shadowcat: Ewww.

Dazzler: That was old since the White Stripes started it.

---

Andrea von Strucker: We always funnel the profits generated from Gambit's...acquisitions right back into the Homo superior community.

Rogue: Steal from the rich to give to the peculiar, huh?

Issue 53

Angel: You sure this is a good idea?

Colossus: No, but it's Cyclops' idea, and that's good enough for me.

The Most Dangerous Game

Issue 56

[Spiral is theatening the X-Men, holding weapons in each of her six arms]

Iceman: Gee... how much does a skeez like you spend on deodorant?

A Hard Lesson

Shock and Awe

Magnetic North

Issue 61

Professor X: [to his cat] Mystique, that's enough.

Wolverine: The hell kinda handle is that for a cat?

Prof. X: I once dated a young woman who went by that name.

Wolverine: What was she, a stripper?

Issue 62

[Lorna Dane awakes in the same cell as Magneto]

Lorna Dane: [scared to death] I'm in hell.

---

Magneto: For Xavier, the world is nothing but shades of grey. For me, the world is black and white.

Issue 63

Jean Grey: [in Cyclops mind] Come home soon. I love you so much it hurts, okay?

Cyclops: [Already out off merged mind state] Yeah, I love you too.

Wolverine: Please tell me you ain't talking to me. You're sitting on an ejector seat, you know.

---

Shadowcat: After this mission, I am so totally changing my nickname. "Shadowcat" sounds so Neopets.

---

Sunspot: I always knew you X-narcs were just tools of the man.

---

Iceman: Did you here, the Prof said that speedster kid you visited in the hospital a few months back is part of Alex's little raiding party.

Colossus: Jean-Paul? He's... he's coming here?

Jean Grey: This isn't prom, Peter.

Issue 64

Havok: You sure you can get us across the pond to the Triskelion, Northstar?

Northstar: Well, "sure" is a strong word, Alex.

---

[Polaris has just refused to join Magneto's Brotherhood]

Magneto: You overweight harlot.

[Magneto grabs a chair and smashes it over Polaris' head]

---

Mystique: Hello, my love.

Magneto: Mystique? Is that really you?

Mystique: "The eyes may be fooled by a woman's disguise, but the heart never fails to recognise."

Forge: Do you have to go through this routine every time you two see each other?

Issue 65

[Deathstrike has just impaled Dazzler. A horrified Angel stares at them.]

Deathstrike: What's up, mutie? I thought your girlfriend liked getting pierced.

---

[Talking on the phone.]

Colossus: Sorry, the what? Really? Uh, when is it? Yeah. You know what, sure. Email me the details. Okay, tell Warren we miss him. Talk to you soon, Jean-Paul.

Nightcrawler: Northstar? What was that all about, Peter?

Colossus: He asked me to go to Homecoming with him.

Date Night

Issue 66

Cyclops: You've got a date?

Professor X: I'm handicapped, Scott. Not dead. I'm meeting a woman. It's mostly business, but still a date.

Cyclops: I get it. It's a business dinner but she's attractive enough for you to wish it were a date.

Professor X: I think Jean is finally rubbing off on you. This is not a bad thing.

Cyclops: Actually, Jean is in the other room getting ready, she's been listening in. I think she made me say that.

Issue 67

Colossus: This is why you don't want to be around me now, yes? You think I like you -- that way. I promise that is not so.

Nightcrawler: Uh... well.

Colossus: It is okay, friend. You need not lie to me. I know you've been avoiding me since you think you found out what I am. Have you never met a girl you are not attracted to? Do you think that I am attracted to every man? Why would you think that? I will admit, your skin is cute, but you are not my type. So do not worry, I promise to keep my hands to myself. Can we just go back to the way things were?

Nightcrawler: I do not know, mein freund.

Colossus: I am the same friend you knew, Kurt.

Nightcrawler: I am thinking now... that I did not know that friend very well...

Issue 69

Polaris: Here comes the happy couple.

Northstar: Please, Lorna -- I believe this is our first date.

Polaris: I don't think it counts when you've talked on the phone as much as you two already have!

Colossus: I see you are not one to keep things quiet. No?

Northstar: I thought you liked that.

Colossus: I like that you are free with your speech. I see now maybe a little too free?

Ultimate X-Men Annual #1

[Danger Room simulation]

Holo-Green Goblin: Congratulations, X-Men. You have the honor of being escorted into oblivion by none other than... the Green Goblin.

Wolverine: Who the hell writes this crap?

External links

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