Yakov Smirnoff

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Yakov Smirnoff (born January 24, 1951) is, according to his own description, a Russian-born American comedian.

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Attributed

  • In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!
  • Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
  • The ad in the paper said "Big Sale. Last Week." Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
  • In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
  • Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
  • (When asked by Johnny Carson what he liked most about living in the United States versus living in Russia.) "Warning shots. In the U.S. the police shoot in the air -- in Russia they shoot straight ahead, that's warning for the next guy."
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