Yogi Berra

From BillionQuotes

Lawrence Peter Berra (born 12 May 1925) American Baseball player and team manager; usually referred to as "Yogi" Berra.

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Sourced

The one you really need to have. If you don't have it, that's why you need it.
- An AFLAC insurance TV advertisement.

And they give you cash, which is just as good as money.
- An AFLAC insurance TV advertisement.

If you get hurt and miss work, it won't hurt to miss work.
- An AFLAC insurance TV advertisement.

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Attributed

Many of the malaprop quotes now attributed to Yogi Berra were from stories originally told by former ballplayer turned broadcaster Joe Garagiola, who was a childhood friend of Berra's and loved to tell stories about Berra's accidental humor, and others have been attributed to him because they seem characteristic of his style. As he himself is said to have put it, referring to the numerous "Yogiisms" floating around: "I didn't really say everything I said."

A good ball club.
- When asked what makes a good manager of a baseball team.

No one goes there any more, it's too crowded.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Always go to other peoples' funerals otherwise they won't go to yours.

I usually take a two hour nap from 1 to 4.

I want to thank you for making this day necessary.
- On Yogi Berra day in 1947 in St. Louis. By his account, he asked a teammate to write a speech, and he misspoke, saying "necessary" instead of "possible."

If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

If you don't know where you're going, you'll wind up somewhere else.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
- This has also been attributed to computer scientist Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut.

It ain't over 'til it's over.

It gets late awfully early around here.
- Referring to New York City.

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone; there were so many people talking.

It's like déjà vu all over again.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

Ninety percent of this game is mental, and the other half is physical.
- A variant of this:"Ninety percent of this game is half mental" is also attributed to Philadelphia Philles manager Danny Ozark

Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded.

Overwhelming underdogs.
- Describing the 1969 New York Mets.

Slump? I ain't in no slump! I just ain't hitting.

Surprise me!
- When his wife, Carmen, asked where he would like to be buried.

The future ain't what it used to be.

Think? How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?

We have a good time together, even when we're not together.
- Talking about his wife, Carmen. He implied he likes to have some time away, but also likes to get back together.

We made too many wrong mistakes.
- On why the Yankees lost the 1960 series to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

What? You mean right now?
- When asked what time it was.

When you get to a fork in the road, take it.
- Berra says this is part of driving directions to his house in Montclair, New Jersey. There is a fork in the road, and whichever way you take, you will get to his house.

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

You better make it four. I don't think I could eat eight.
- At a dinner in an Italian restaurant, when asked how many slices should be cut in his pizza.